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THE ANTI NEWS - THE EVEL KNIEVEL RIP ISSUE 4-12-07
Gordon Dalton
I did everything by the seat of my pants. That's why I got hurt so much
As Anti News comes to the realisation that Dong Gook Lee is the greatest Boro player in the world, ever, including Juninho and Alan Kernaghan, the men in white coats have been banging on the door all morning. Anti News will ignore their rampant battering and continue to whittle his Gook Lee/Tuncay/Arca nativity scene.
Lets do this.
I foresee the Chinese ruling the world. What are you going to do to stop it? No president of the United States will ever have enough power to stop the Chinese when they want to take over the world.
Gareth Southgate's Tank Top Army invaded Reading city centre on Saturday, with knitwear based carnage ensuing.
It's hard to foresee Gibbo sacking Mr Gareth when he inspires such sartorial elegance amongst the Boro faithful. And faithful the Boro fans were on Saturday, with at least two people joining in Anti News' persistent Dong Gook Lee chant.
The Gook responded brilliantly to his critics by looking like he wasn't allergic to football and, at some points, he actually touched the ball. Granted, the ball hit him on the back, his arm and his arse as his teammates played head tennis with the Gookster as the net.
Anti News' favourite moment came when Gook perfectly recreated the poster from Platoon as he was felled by Barbara Woodhouse's sniper rifle.
Tuncay saved the day after realising that conditioning his hair is not a full time job. Mr Gareth is one step closer to getting those coaching badges by finally playing a striker up front instead of having Tuncay hanging around Vidal Sassoon.
Gibbo will be putting the Turks' goal on You Tube, hoping to attract somebody with £5m to spare. Probably Keith Lamb.
I guess I thought I was Elvis Presley but I'll tell ya something. All Elvis did was stand on a stage and play a guitar. He never fell off on that pavement at no eighty mph.
Anti News may be regretting getting that Dong Gook Lee tattoo on Saturday but is more hopeful that Boro won't be relegated after Saturday's showing.
Reading were worse than a pub team that had failed to leave the pub but Boro managed to recognise each other and actually passed the ball to people in red. Mr Gareth has perfected his finger pointing technique and may just manage to have a job in January, especially if Ray Mallon is looking for dapper traffic wardens.
Gibbo is so in tune with the Anti News way of thinking (excessive knit wear, teeth issues, head bands, excessive showboating) that he has tabled a bid for somebody called Ronaldinho. No, me neither.
Apparently he is quite good but Anti News sneers at quite good, preferring to check out their punability. Yes, punability, I'm making up new words now.
If Gibbo can pull this off, Anti News will be growing his teeth and growing a greasy perm, which is a look I have been trying to pull off for years. Next week, Gibbo will be signing Tevez, Craig Bellamy and Plug from the Beano as sales of toothpaste rocket on Teesside.
The other thing I wanted but never got to do had something to do with Liz Taylor but she's getting a little old and a little fat
Despite the threat of Steve McClaren returning to Boro, Teesside can look forward to a bountiful Christmas as Fabio Rochemback is put on a diet consisting off wired gums, stomach staples and a straight jacket. All spare food will be given to Midough to distract him from the ladies and bruising his pubic bone.
Amidst such seasonal cheer, more good news came when Shawky's Mam was released from prison for calling her son Mohammed. Maybe.
And with that.
RETURN TO THE ANTI-NEWS INDEX HERE
The last three season's editions of The Anti News can be found in the ComeOnBoro.com archive.
A GUARANTEED PROFIT OF AT LEAST £43.26 ON THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL
Did you know that it is possible to win money on Wednesday evening's Champions League Final clash between Manchester United and Chelsea, whatever the result?
The game kicks off at 7.45pm UK Time and we can guarantee you a profit of at least £43.26, whatever the result of the match. All you have to do is follow the simple instructions below and then sit back and enjoy the game. At full-time (ninety minutes), you will be at least £43.26 better off, whatever the result of the match.
We must point out that if you want to take this bet, you should do it now because if the odds change, then the figures here will be invalidated. If they have changed, let us know and we will rework the bet for you.
You can still do this if you have a Betfair account but your overall profit will be reduced by £25.00 as you won't receive the £25.00 cashback as an existing account holder.
If you are unsure about this bet, you are most welcome to call us on 01642 223229 and we will help you as much as we can.
We're going to lay out a total of £79.00 on the Champions League Final and we will collect £122.26 if Chelsea win, £125.00 if Manchester United win and £124.00 if it's a draw. That's a minimum profit of 54%, a much higher interest rate than you will get in any high street bank.
Here's how it's done. Just follow these simple instructions.
1. Open an account with Coral. It is really important that you enter the bonus code of CORALTD when prompted. This is to ensure that you receive your bonus.
Open an account with Betfair. It is really important that you enter the promotional code of BFB425 when prompted. This is to ensure that you receive your bonus.
Open an account with Extrabet
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This shouldn't take you any longer than a few minutes.
2. Make the following deposits into your new accounts.
Deposit £23.00 into your new Coral account.
Deposit £31.00 into your new Betfair account.
Deposit £25.00 into your Extrabet account.
3. Now make the following bets.
Place £23.00 on the draw at 3.00 (2/1) with Coral.
Coral will now add a £10.00 bonus to your account. Place this on Chelsea as well. You will now have £33.00 riding on Chelsea.
Back Chelsea with £31.00 at 3.25 (9/4) (or higher if available) with Betfair.
Place £25.00 on Manchester United at 2.50 (6/4) with Extrabet .
Extrabet match your first bet up to £25 so you will now have £50.00 riding on Manchester United.
The £25.00 matched bet will not show in your account but you can read all about how it works on the Extrabet site. It's the purple box that says '£25 FREE BET FOR NEW CUSTOMERS' on the top right hand side. Click here to visit the Extrabet site.
If you are unsure about placing these bets, please feel free to mail us or call us on 01642 223229 and we will talk you through it, no problem at all. There is no such thing as a stupid question.
You have temporarily laid out a total of £79.00 on the Champions League Final. I stress, temporarily... Now sit back, crack a beer open and enjoy the match.
4. Here's what happens at the end of the game. All winnings are paid out on the ninety minute result.
If it's a draw, you collect £124.00. That's £99.00 from Coral plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If Chelsea win, you collect £122.26. That's £97.26 from Betfair plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If Manchester United win you collect £125.00. That's £100.00 from Extrabet plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
5. This means that the worst case scenario on the Manchester United v Chelsea match is Chelsea win and you make £43.26 profit. However, if it's a draw you make £45.00 and if Manchester United win you make £46.00. That's a minimum profit of 54%, a much better rate of interest that you would get at any high street bank or building society.
6. It is absolutely vital that you click on the links on this page to open the accounts with the two bookies and enter the correct bonus codes or you may not qualify for the bonuses.
Also, before you place your bets, you should check that the odds haven't changed. If they have, let us know by mail or phone us on 01642 223229 and we will rework the bet for you.
Please feel free to contact us or phone us on 01642 223229 if you have any questions at all about this bet and we will help you as much as we can.
Please note that the bonuses are valid for new customers only so if you already have an account with one or more of the bookies we are using, you won't be able to do this. If that is the case, mail us or phone us on 01642 223229 and we'll create an alternative bet for you using different bookies.
This method of betting was used very successfully during the 2006 World Cup and you can read all about how it was done right here.
We guarantee this bet
It's understandable that some people will not believe that it is possible to do this. "What's the catch?" I hear you asking. My answer to that question is that we have been publishing arbitrage bets for four seasons now and literally hundreds of people have profited from following the advice on these pages.
Only twice has our refund guarantee been triggered and that was when we did all the figures wrong and sent refunds out to those who had followed our advice and made a small loss.
Our refund guarantee works like this. If this bet doesn't work like we say it will and you end up out of pocket, we will refund your losses. Simple as that.
That means that you simply cannot lose on this, whatever happens and even if we messed up the numbers.
The only stipulation here is that you must click on the links on this page to be eligible for the refund guarantee, not that you'll be needing to claim anyway. Just enjoy the profit and stay posted for many more of these throughout the season.
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