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THE ANTI NEWS - THE P/REVIEW OF 2007/08 ISSUE 7-1-08
Gordon Dalton
The Anti News is back and wishing you a happy New Year, albeit a week late. This is mainly due to being force fed batteries by Jamie Oliver and spending the holidays in the freezer at Sainsburys, waiting for a plucky customer who likes their bird to look like a lanky streak of piss.
Whilst freezing my nuts off, I had time to do the usual New Year lazy journalism and undertake a review/preview of the years behind and ahead. So, like Sven Goran Eriksson and Ulrika Johnson doing the FA Cup draw, let's fondle my velvety ball bag and see what comes out.
Let's do this.
Boro Player of the Year
With the transfer window being open for all of a week, I was hoping Mr Gareth would have signed someone for this category. Well, unless Mr G signs Havant and Waterlooville's Rocky Baptiste in the next thirty minutes the main contenders are Tuncay's hair, Robert Huth lookalike Dave 'Big' Wheater, Arca's headband and general slouchy stance, and DJ Downing's four hour set at the Empire.
Winner: Big Dave
Runner up: Dong Gook Lee
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Transfer window of the year
The big debate over the transfer window is the argument that the window might not be a window at all, but a shutter. The counter argument says it may be a blind, or maybe even from foreign climes and be French. Then the matter of whether it opens from the top, the bottom or the side, and then, when it comes to it, who cleans the window. These are big, big questions with no answers other than £12m bids for a player no one wants or filling a gap on the team sheet with the words Rob Hulse.
Winner: Hype
Runner up: Dong Gook Lee
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Prediction of the year
Coming over all Mystic Meg (steady), Anti News predicts many great things this year, most of them totally unconnected to Boro.
If Midough's cock bone can recover in the next few weeks, Boro should climb steadily to thirteenth. Mr Gareth will creak through the wet weather with that totally unflattering jacket before unveiling a new look for Spring consisting of a fluorescent blazer and mohair tank top which manages to dazzle and bamboozle the opposition, Trinny and Susannah and let's face it, himself. Jonathan Woodgate recovers from his hair disaster on New Year's Day, where he obviously thought he was in the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Dong Gook Lee perfects his warm up by staying perfectly still for ninety minutes and scoring a double hat trick.
Winner: Julio Arca wins a Bafta for his portrayal of Fagin, the Artful Dodger and the entire child cast of Oliver at the Billingham Forum.
Runner up: Dong Gook Lee will do something, sometime in 2008.
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Probably won't happen award
As Boro cruised past Brizzle City, and with results elsewhere getting rid of some big clubs, Anti News pondered whether silverware was possible this year. We could get Mansfield, Oldham, Luton, etc on our way to the final, although we all know we will probably cruise past Man Ure, Arse, Chelski and Liverpool before losing to Havant in the final. Que sera sera.
Winner: Boro qualify for Europe after Berbatov scores a hat trick every game.
Runner up: Dong Gook Lee probably won't happen this year.
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The Dong Gook Lee Award
Gook starts to shine in 2008 as Mr Gareth inserts a torch up his much-maligned backside. Chants of 'Gook, Gook, Gook!' are heard from the Boro faithful. DJ Downing records these and drops them into his Ibiza summer slot. The crowd, including a raving Fabio Capello, go wild for the Gook. Gordon Brown insists that the Korean is given a start in the Scottish national team but Capello gets his man, with Gook scoring an unprecedented twenty goals in four starts for England. The Gookster starts dating Heather Mills, proving that three legs are no better than two. DGL becomes Boro captain for the 2008/9 season leading Boro to the top of the league - the Championship.
Winner: Dong Gook Lee
Runner up: Dogs
And with that.
RETURN TO THE ANTI-NEWS INDEX HERE
The last three season's editions of The Anti News can be found in the ComeOnBoro.com archive.
A GUARANTEED PROFIT OF AT LEAST £41.20 ON PORTSMOUTH v FULHAM
Did you know that it is possible to win money on Sunday afternoon's Premiership clash between Portsmouth v Fulham, whatever the result?
The game kicks off at 3.00pm and we can guarantee you a profit of at least £41.20, whatever the result of the match. All you have to do is follow the simple instructions below and then sit back and enjoy the game. At full-time, you will be at least £41.20 better off, whatever the result of the match.
We must point out that if you want to take this bet, you should do it now because if the odds change, then the figures here will be invalidated. If they have changed, let us know and we will rework the bet for you.
You can still do this if you have a Betfair account but your overall profit will be reduced by £25.00 as you won't receive the £25.00 cashback as an existing account holder.
If you are unsure about this bet, you are most welcome to call us on 01642 223229 and we will help you as much as we can.
We're going to lay out a total of £71.00 on the Portsmouth v Fulham match and we will collect £115.00 if Portsmouth win, £112.20 if Fulham win and £114.13 if it's a draw. That's a minimum profit of 58%, a much higher interest rate than you will get in any high street bank.
Here's how it's done. Just follow these simple instructions.
1. Open an account with Coral. It is really important that you enter the bonus code of CORALTD when prompted. This is to ensure that you receive your bonus.
Open an account with Betfair. It is really important that you enter the promotional code of BFB425 when prompted. This is to ensure that you receive your bonus.
Open an account with Extrabet
 .
This shouldn't take you any longer than a few minutes.
2. Make the following deposits into your new accounts.
Deposit £20.00 into your new Coral account.
Deposit £26.00 into your new Betfair account.
Deposit £25.00 into your Extrabet
account.
3. Now make the following bets.
Place £20.00 on Portsmouth at 3.00 (2/1) with Coral.
Coral will now add a £10.00 bonus to your account. Place this on Portsmouth as well. You will now have £30.00 riding on Portsmouth.
Back the draw with £25.00 at 3.7 (11/4) (or higher if available) with Betfair.
Place £26.00 on Fulham at 2.2 (6/5) with Extrabet .
Extrabet match your first bet up to £25 so you will now have £51.00 riding on Fulham.
The £25.00 matched bet will not show in your account but you can read all about how it works on the Extrabet site. It's the purple box that says '£25 FREE BET FOR NEW CUSTOMERS' on the top right hand side. Click here to visit the Extrabet site.
If you are unsure about placing these bets, please feel free to mail us or call us on 01642 223229 and we will talk you through it, no problem at all. There is no such thing as a stupid question.
You have temporarily laid out a total of £71.00 on the Portsmouth v Fulham match. I stress, temporarily... Now sit back, crack a beer open and enjoy the match.
4. Here's what happens at the end of the game.
If Portsmouth win, you collect £115.00. That's £90.00 from Coral plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If it's a draw, you collect £114.13. That's £89.13 from Betfair plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If Fulham win you collect £112.20. That's £87.20 from Extrabet plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
5. This means that the worst case scenario on the Portsmouth v Fulham match is Fulham win and you make £41.20 profit. However, if it is a draw you make £43.13 and if Portsmouth win you make £44.00. That's a minimum profit of 58%, a much better rate of interest that you would get at any high street bank or building society.
6. It is absolutely vital that you click on the links on this page to open the accounts with the two bookies and enter the correct bonus codes or you may not qualify for the bonuses.
Also, before you place your bets, you should check that the odds haven't changed. If they have, let us know by mail or phone us on 01642 223229 and we will rework the bet for you.
Please feel free to contact us or phone us on 01642 223229 if you have any questions at all about this bet and we will help you as much as we can.
Please note that the bonuses are valid for new customers only so if you already have an account with one or more of the bookies we are using, you won't be able to do this. If that is the case, mail us or phone us on 01642 223229 and we'll create an alternative bet for you using different bookies.
This method of betting was used very successfully during the 2006 World Cup and you can read all about how it was done right here.
We guarantee this bet
It's understandable that some people will not believe that it is possible to do this. "What's the catch?" I hear you asking. My answer to that question is that we have been publishing arbitrage bets for four seasons now and literally hundreds of people have profited from following the advice on these pages.
Only twice has our refund guarantee been triggered and that was when we did all the figures wrong and sent refunds out to those who had followed our advice and made a small loss.
Our refund guarantee works like this. If this bet doesn't work like we say it will and you end up out of pocket, we will refund your losses. Simple as that.
That means that you simply cannot lose on this, whatever happens and even if we messed up the numbers.
The only stipulation here is that you must click on the links on this page to be eligible for the refund guarantee, not that you'll be needing to claim anyway. Just enjoy the profit and stay posted for many more of these throughout the season.
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