|
 |
THE ANTI NEWS - THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE ISSUE 11-2-08
Gordon Dalton
It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realise how often they burst into flames.
It's Monday, the sun is shining and our mighty Boro are celebrating as we picked up our first piece of silverware of the season in the shape of the African Cup of Nations 2008.
With the FA Cup game against Robbo's Sheffield at the weekend and Mido's ongoing collection of foil pie casings, the Boro trophy cabinet is going to be shinier than Jack Nicholson on a remote winter retreat.
Let's do this.
When you buy a V-neck sweater there's a V of material missing. You know what they do with that? They send it to Ann Summers and she makes those fancy pants.
Boro's Mohammed Shawky came on for Egypt with four minutes to go in the CAN 2008 final and significantly changed the game from 1-0 to Egypt to 1-0 to Egypt with Shawky on the pitch.
The winning trophy looked like it had been knocked up by the Ghanian version of Blue Peter. The spray painted globe on a stick was surrounded by golden Maltesers and could have been designed as a novelty Easter egg to motivate missing in action Mido.
Still a trophy is a trophy and Shawky will get a place in the first team as Boro march on from Africa to Sheffield, where they will dispose of Bryan Robson's career before marching on to New "Nearly New" Wembley to lift the FA Cup.
Tuncay Sanli will lift the Euro 2008 trophy for Boro in the summer and Alves will surely lift the 2010 World Cup for Brazil wearing Boro novelty underpants (which haven't gone down in ten years).
Who needs Capello's England when we have such a cast list of international medal winners in our ranks? And Stewart Downing.
My aunt used to say, "What you can't see, can't hurt you." Well, she died of radiation poisoning a few months back
It's not all plain sailing for the Boro this week though. With the FA Cup game falling in Lent, Mr Gareth has been fighting the powers that be to move the religious festival just in case cup hero Dong Gook Lee has given up scoring.
His worries have slightly lessened this week with the arrival of Afonso Alves, who made a dazzling debut on Saturday, touching the ball at least twice. With Fabio Rochemback translating orders from the bench, the Boro dressing room was treated to cod and chips all round, with Rocky and Mido adding a dozen pickled eggs. Each.
Alves' arrival on Teesside did have some positive effect with Jeremy Aliaidieireire scoring against a Fulham side that basically was just Jimmy Bullard and ten shop mannequins (we still struggled).
Our Jeremy expertly closed his eyes and scuffed it home, with Antii Niemi's legs doing a good impression of Paris Hilton getting out of a taxi.
With Mr Gareth's hair easily winning the grooming battle over Roy Hodgson's mammalian toupee, it was another step in the right direction for Boro, who are sitting pretty at number two in the bottom half of the table.
My Dad used to say "always fight fire with fire," which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade
With Alves and Jeremy fit, Boro could go even higher. Any fears that Anti News favourite Dong Gook Lee may be dropped are mere tittle-tattle as our Korean FA Cup scoring machine scores a hat trick on Sunday to keep Alves on the bench.
With the FA allowing up to seven subs, Mr Gareth should just be able to stop the bench from see-sawing with six subs on one end and Mido on the other.
And with that...
RETURN TO THE ANTI-NEWS INDEX HERE
The last three season's editions of The Anti News can be found in the ComeOnBoro.com archive.
A GUARANTEED PROFIT OF AT LEAST £41.20 ON PORTSMOUTH v FULHAM
Did you know that it is possible to win money on Sunday afternoon's Premiership clash between Portsmouth v Fulham, whatever the result?
The game kicks off at 3.00pm and we can guarantee you a profit of at least £41.20, whatever the result of the match. All you have to do is follow the simple instructions below and then sit back and enjoy the game. At full-time, you will be at least £41.20 better off, whatever the result of the match.
We must point out that if you want to take this bet, you should do it now because if the odds change, then the figures here will be invalidated. If they have changed, let us know and we will rework the bet for you.
You can still do this if you have a Betfair account but your overall profit will be reduced by £25.00 as you won't receive the £25.00 cashback as an existing account holder.
If you are unsure about this bet, you are most welcome to call us on 01642 223229 and we will help you as much as we can.
We're going to lay out a total of £71.00 on the Portsmouth v Fulham match and we will collect £115.00 if Portsmouth win, £112.20 if Fulham win and £114.13 if it's a draw. That's a minimum profit of 58%, a much higher interest rate than you will get in any high street bank.
Here's how it's done. Just follow these simple instructions.
1. Open an account with Coral. It is really important that you enter the bonus code of CORALTD when prompted. This is to ensure that you receive your bonus.
Open an account with Betfair. It is really important that you enter the promotional code of BFB425 when prompted. This is to ensure that you receive your bonus.
Open an account with Extrabet
 .
This shouldn't take you any longer than a few minutes.
2. Make the following deposits into your new accounts.
Deposit £20.00 into your new Coral account.
Deposit £26.00 into your new Betfair account.
Deposit £25.00 into your Extrabet
account.
3. Now make the following bets.
Place £20.00 on Portsmouth at 3.00 (2/1) with Coral.
Coral will now add a £10.00 bonus to your account. Place this on Portsmouth as well. You will now have £30.00 riding on Portsmouth.
Back the draw with £25.00 at 3.7 (11/4) (or higher if available) with Betfair.
Place £26.00 on Fulham at 2.2 (6/5) with Extrabet .
Extrabet match your first bet up to £25 so you will now have £51.00 riding on Fulham.
The £25.00 matched bet will not show in your account but you can read all about how it works on the Extrabet site. It's the purple box that says '£25 FREE BET FOR NEW CUSTOMERS' on the top right hand side. Click here to visit the Extrabet site.
If you are unsure about placing these bets, please feel free to mail us or call us on 01642 223229 and we will talk you through it, no problem at all. There is no such thing as a stupid question.
You have temporarily laid out a total of £71.00 on the Portsmouth v Fulham match. I stress, temporarily... Now sit back, crack a beer open and enjoy the match.
4. Here's what happens at the end of the game.
If Portsmouth win, you collect £115.00. That's £90.00 from Coral plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If it's a draw, you collect £114.13. That's £89.13 from Betfair plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If Fulham win you collect £112.20. That's £87.20 from Extrabet plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
5. This means that the worst case scenario on the Portsmouth v Fulham match is Fulham win and you make £41.20 profit. However, if it is a draw you make £43.13 and if Portsmouth win you make £44.00. That's a minimum profit of 58%, a much better rate of interest that you would get at any high street bank or building society.
6. It is absolutely vital that you click on the links on this page to open the accounts with the two bookies and enter the correct bonus codes or you may not qualify for the bonuses.
Also, before you place your bets, you should check that the odds haven't changed. If they have, let us know by mail or phone us on 01642 223229 and we will rework the bet for you.
Please feel free to contact us or phone us on 01642 223229 if you have any questions at all about this bet and we will help you as much as we can.
Please note that the bonuses are valid for new customers only so if you already have an account with one or more of the bookies we are using, you won't be able to do this. If that is the case, mail us or phone us on 01642 223229 and we'll create an alternative bet for you using different bookies.
This method of betting was used very successfully during the 2006 World Cup and you can read all about how it was done right here.
We guarantee this bet
It's understandable that some people will not believe that it is possible to do this. "What's the catch?" I hear you asking. My answer to that question is that we have been publishing arbitrage bets for four seasons now and literally hundreds of people have profited from following the advice on these pages.
Only twice has our refund guarantee been triggered and that was when we did all the figures wrong and sent refunds out to those who had followed our advice and made a small loss.
Our refund guarantee works like this. If this bet doesn't work like we say it will and you end up out of pocket, we will refund your losses. Simple as that.
That means that you simply cannot lose on this, whatever happens and even if we messed up the numbers.
The only stipulation here is that you must click on the links on this page to be eligible for the refund guarantee, not that you'll be needing to claim anyway. Just enjoy the profit and stay posted for many more of these throughout the season.
|
|
|
|
