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THE ANTI NEWS - THE REPLAY ISSUE 25-2-08
Gordon Dalton
Can you feel the excitement? Can you? Yes it’s FA Cup replay time so strap yourself in and get ready for 120 minutes of nail biting frustration as we wait to see if Alves’ eyes can point in the same direction and slot home the winning penalty to take us into the quarter finals.
Let’s do this…
Hippies. They're everywhere. They wanna save the earth but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.
Of course, Anti News is pretty confident it will be Dong Gook Lee who will be collecting the plaudits from the replay.
We will be dancing around in celebration even if all the butt clenching nerves make us dance like Amy Winehouse.
Mr Gareth has looked at what happened over the weekend and instructed his players to gain inspiration from the Oscars.
So Alves will be sporting a fine Daniel Day Lewis moustache has he buries his penalty screaming "I am a false prophet!" at the top of his voice.
Julio Arca will be carrying off the mighty fine Javier Bardem bowl haircut from No Country For Old Men to assist with his heading ability and Dong Gook Lee will just be a special effect known as FA CUP goal machine.
I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie
In other movie inspired news, Boro lost themselves at Liverpool as Mr Gareth once again kept Gook off the field.
Jez Aliadieireie obviously watched Rambo at the weekend as he attempted to rip out Mascherano’s throat out with a vicious girly handbag swipe.
Meanwhile, Rocky still has The Blob out on loan from Blockbusters, and only returns to the store to pick up industrial supplies of toffee popcorn.
Mark Schwarzer has been watching The Man Who Wasn’t There and looking through his DVD collection to see if there is a film about someone looking to move somewhere but keeps making unfortunate hilarious gaffs that will see him transferred to Derby.
You so much as TOUCH kitty's ass and I'll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants
Whilst our own hair bear Tuncay preferred to handball into the net rather than ruin his barnet, Jonathan Woodgate was helping Spurs to the Carling Cup.
He ruined the celebrations afterwards though by complaining about the price of a pint of Carling in London. And damn right too. Look after the pennies Woody and the millions of pounds will look after themselves.
I don’t know why he just doesn’t commute to North London from Dubai, it would be much cheaper. Pah, you never got this kind of whingeing from Stuart Parnaby, Jamie Pollock or Danny Graham…
Talking of Danny Graham, the former Boro player scored at the weekend for Carlisle. Given the current rotund nature of Mr Gareth’s squad, he will be looking for a return in the summer, as long as Boro don’t sign Roland from Grange Hill, Daffyd from Little Britain and Gazza from wherever Gazza’s head is.
If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball
So, good luck to Boro this week as we continue our erm, exhilarating assault on the top ten as no one else seems to be bothered about winning.
This is mainly due to everyone laughing at Newcastle, including the little pixie in Keegan’s head. And they say Gazza is mad.
Wandering around hotels with stuffed talking parrots and drinking fifty cans of Red Bull a day seems preferable to the dazed demonic stare currently being emitted from the greying Krankie lookalike.
And with that…
RETURN TO THE ANTI-NEWS INDEX HERE
The last three season's editions of The Anti News can be found in the ComeOnBoro.com archive.
A GUARANTEED PROFIT OF AT LEAST £41.20 ON PORTSMOUTH v FULHAM
Did you know that it is possible to win money on Sunday afternoon's Premiership clash between Portsmouth v Fulham, whatever the result?
The game kicks off at 3.00pm and we can guarantee you a profit of at least £41.20, whatever the result of the match. All you have to do is follow the simple instructions below and then sit back and enjoy the game. At full-time, you will be at least £41.20 better off, whatever the result of the match.
We must point out that if you want to take this bet, you should do it now because if the odds change, then the figures here will be invalidated. If they have changed, let us know and we will rework the bet for you.
You can still do this if you have a Betfair account but your overall profit will be reduced by £25.00 as you won't receive the £25.00 cashback as an existing account holder.
If you are unsure about this bet, you are most welcome to call us on 01642 223229 and we will help you as much as we can.
We're going to lay out a total of £71.00 on the Portsmouth v Fulham match and we will collect £115.00 if Portsmouth win, £112.20 if Fulham win and £114.13 if it's a draw. That's a minimum profit of 58%, a much higher interest rate than you will get in any high street bank.
Here's how it's done. Just follow these simple instructions.
1. Open an account with Coral. It is really important that you enter the bonus code of CORALTD when prompted. This is to ensure that you receive your bonus.
Open an account with Betfair. It is really important that you enter the promotional code of BFB425 when prompted. This is to ensure that you receive your bonus.
Open an account with Extrabet
 .
This shouldn't take you any longer than a few minutes.
2. Make the following deposits into your new accounts.
Deposit £20.00 into your new Coral account.
Deposit £26.00 into your new Betfair account.
Deposit £25.00 into your Extrabet
account.
3. Now make the following bets.
Place £20.00 on Portsmouth at 3.00 (2/1) with Coral.
Coral will now add a £10.00 bonus to your account. Place this on Portsmouth as well. You will now have £30.00 riding on Portsmouth.
Back the draw with £25.00 at 3.7 (11/4) (or higher if available) with Betfair.
Place £26.00 on Fulham at 2.2 (6/5) with Extrabet .
Extrabet match your first bet up to £25 so you will now have £51.00 riding on Fulham.
The £25.00 matched bet will not show in your account but you can read all about how it works on the Extrabet site. It's the purple box that says '£25 FREE BET FOR NEW CUSTOMERS' on the top right hand side. Click here to visit the Extrabet site.
If you are unsure about placing these bets, please feel free to mail us or call us on 01642 223229 and we will talk you through it, no problem at all. There is no such thing as a stupid question.
You have temporarily laid out a total of £71.00 on the Portsmouth v Fulham match. I stress, temporarily... Now sit back, crack a beer open and enjoy the match.
4. Here's what happens at the end of the game.
If Portsmouth win, you collect £115.00. That's £90.00 from Coral plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If it's a draw, you collect £114.13. That's £89.13 from Betfair plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If Fulham win you collect £112.20. That's £87.20 from Extrabet plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
5. This means that the worst case scenario on the Portsmouth v Fulham match is Fulham win and you make £41.20 profit. However, if it is a draw you make £43.13 and if Portsmouth win you make £44.00. That's a minimum profit of 58%, a much better rate of interest that you would get at any high street bank or building society.
6. It is absolutely vital that you click on the links on this page to open the accounts with the two bookies and enter the correct bonus codes or you may not qualify for the bonuses.
Also, before you place your bets, you should check that the odds haven't changed. If they have, let us know by mail or phone us on 01642 223229 and we will rework the bet for you.
Please feel free to contact us or phone us on 01642 223229 if you have any questions at all about this bet and we will help you as much as we can.
Please note that the bonuses are valid for new customers only so if you already have an account with one or more of the bookies we are using, you won't be able to do this. If that is the case, mail us or phone us on 01642 223229 and we'll create an alternative bet for you using different bookies.
This method of betting was used very successfully during the 2006 World Cup and you can read all about how it was done right here.
We guarantee this bet
It's understandable that some people will not believe that it is possible to do this. "What's the catch?" I hear you asking. My answer to that question is that we have been publishing arbitrage bets for four seasons now and literally hundreds of people have profited from following the advice on these pages.
Only twice has our refund guarantee been triggered and that was when we did all the figures wrong and sent refunds out to those who had followed our advice and made a small loss.
Our refund guarantee works like this. If this bet doesn't work like we say it will and you end up out of pocket, we will refund your losses. Simple as that.
That means that you simply cannot lose on this, whatever happens and even if we messed up the numbers.
The only stipulation here is that you must click on the links on this page to be eligible for the refund guarantee, not that you'll be needing to claim anyway. Just enjoy the profit and stay posted for many more of these throughout the season.
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