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THE ANTI NEWS - THE WELSH ISSUE 3-3-08
Gordon Dalton
Anti News stumbled down to check out Cardiff City at the weekend. The good news is that they were absolutely awful and Boro would have to be twice as bad not to book their place at Wembley. Oh hang on…
Let’s do this…
Oh, the guilt. She stuck things in... oh... look can you ask Stacey coz' if it's a Welsh thing I don’t have to see a doctor
In the name of research your friendly neighbourhood Anti News mingled with the Bluebirds and watched a dire ninety minutes, enlivened only by a cracking twenty-yard Darren Purse own goal and the sight of Jimmy Floyd still making scary eyes at people.
There were children in the family stand weeing with terror as JFH shouted at no one in particular. They had no strikers, an average defence and no midfield. It was, to be honest, a lot like watching Boro.
You'd have to lose a bit of weight. Fat gay men are like outcasts. Dale Winton, Graham Norton... who's not in their gang? Russell Grant
On Saturday, Boro looked to be conserving their energy for a Cup clash against a poor Championship side. Either that or more likely thinking about what to have for tea that night (everything in the fridge).
It has been claimed that Alves was carrying a head injury from the Sheffield United snoozefest. This is untrue. He is carrying an injury from straining every muscle in his body after pulling a Christmas cracker prior to arriving at a Lidl cut price samba reception at Boro.
£6 for two slices of pizza. Takes the piss these cockneys
Anyway, Boro wouldn’t send out an injured player although the evidence against includes half the current first team, Alan Kernaghan, Phil Whelan and Mikkel Beck.
Anti News’ favourite Bernie Slaven reckons that Alves is rubbish with his head.
Now, Bernie may have been rubbish at keeping onside but he has a point. To rectify that, Mr Gareth is proposing either a full head transplant with a giraffe or even better, to let him play without a head. It works for Jez Aliaidierie.
If I show you how to use the rape alarm and you go to London, England and come back Sunday raped, it's not on my conscience and I'll sleep easy at night coz' I showed you how to use it
Anti News would like to see this kind of forward thinking used throughout the team, particularly against those who are not very good with their feet (George Boateng, Julio Arca etc). Lop ‘em off I say, not that you would notice much difference.
Mr Gareth quite clearly cares for the Boro, giving us a relegation battle just when things were getting boring.
A win against Reading would have sent us clear of the pack, who it has to be said are the poorest bottom half of the Premiership for a long, long time.
A Helen Keller XI would make the top ten in this league, pipping Heather Mills United for a European place.
I just cant believe I'm pregnant by Smithy... out of all the people I slept with... not Nigel Havers, John Prescott... not any of Goldie Looking Chain!
Still, it’s the FA Cup on Sunday and I am looking forward to returning to Cardiff City for the inevitable penalty shoot out. Those Jimmy scary eyes just may come back to haunt us.
And with that…
RETURN TO THE ANTI-NEWS INDEX HERE
The last three season's editions of The Anti News can be found in the ComeOnBoro.com archive.
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