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THE ANTI NEWS - THE GLAD IT'S ALL OVER ISSUE 6-5-08
Gordon Dalton
So, that’s it. Mr Gareth will run out a few youngsters at the weekend as the Boro are finally safe. If it wasn’t for the hair, the bellies, the tank tops and Dong Gook Lee, it would have been Anti News’ worst season ever.
For the final time this season, let’s do this…
Haircut of the season award
So many contenders, so little space.
Top marks go to Roque Santa Cruz for always looking like he might score on and off the pitch with his perfectly groomed locks.
Boro wise, Woody tried out a variety of Italian style ponytails to remove any emotion, such as guilt, from his face.
Tuncay and Julio kept it long with a Dunlop shoelace keeping it out of their eyes but the award goes to Mr Gareth for a suave swept over mullet which made his hooter look four inches shorter than a pelican's.
The ‘Does my bum look big in this’ award for fitness
Ivan Campo, Mark Viduka and Andy Reid can all tuck in to their tea with pride, showing that weight isn’t a factor if you can pass and shoot.
Meanwhile Fabio Rochemback will have budget airlines quaking on the runway with his imminent return to Portugal.
Second place goes to the Boro away strip as the shorts gave the impression that Gillian McKeith should inspect the toilet bowls of pipe cleaners like Andrew Taylor.
However, Midough gets the Desperate Dan pie in celebration of his pubic bone breaking under the weight of an impressive gut. And being called Midough.
The ‘Water cooler’ Award
Sky Sports are obvious winners, with thirty minutes coverage of a door being the ultimate highlight. Oh how we were gripped with tension as we awaited the Messiah’s third coming.
What we actually got was an ageing dwarf with a dead skunk on his head, mumbling something and nothing about football, with eyes that looked like they were painted on his eyelids and a pallor of someone who had spent the last three years on holiday in an Austrian bunker.
Special mention also goes to Ian Holloway who has a similar effect but with an always-humorous grasp of the English language.
The 'Gone but not forgotten' award
Anti News is tempted to give this award to George Boateng’s legs but the Boat deserves some respect having to put up with the rest of our midfield.
So step forward Andrew Davies' hair, Mark Viduka’s goals, the dogs in Albert Park, Teesside Tans (sadly getting rarer this season), Rocky and probably Mark Schwarzer.
However, Stuart Downing gets it for a night lost listening to his four hour DJ set at the Purple Onion. When he dropped Alistair Griffin’s single into the middle of Josh Wink’s Higher State of Conciousness (Country Ragga remix), well, the crowd lost it.
Player of the Year
This season will only be remembered for one thing other than Mr Gareth’s sartorial genius and that is the D to the G to the L, The Lion King, Lee Dong Gook, Dong Gook Lee.
Perfectly summarising Boro’s season, the Gook looked like a fish not only out of water but one with spiky hair and a complete disregard for the direction he is running.
His warm up at Brizzle City was Anti News’ personal highlight of the season as it made him feel like an Olympic athlete. As Tuncay jogged furiously up and down the touchline, Gook remained as still as Ben Stiller on stilts eating stilton. His melancholic gaze across the pitch trying to work out which team he played for was the saddest thing all year. The Gook is Dead. Long Live The Gook!!
So, there you go, another season of mediocrity, another season of promising so much but delivering so little. FA Cup glory could have been ours but as ever, we were Boro. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Have a good summer…
And with that.
RETURN TO THE ANTI-NEWS INDEX HERE
The last three season's editions of The Anti News can be found in the ComeOnBoro.com archive.
A GUARANTEED PROFIT OF AT LEAST £41.00 ON THE UEFA CUP FINAL
Did you know that it is possible to win money on Wednesday evening's Uefa Cup Final between Rangers and Zenit St Petersburg, whatever the result?
The game kicks off at 7.45pm and we can guarantee you a profit of at least £41.00, whatever the result of the match. All you have to do is follow the simple instructions below and then sit back and enjoy the game. At full-time (ninety minutes), you will be at least £41.00 better off, whatever the result of the match.
We must point out that if you want to take this bet, you should do it now because if the odds change, then the figures here will be invalidated. If they have changed, let us know and we will rework the bet for you.
You can still do this if you have a Betfair account but your overall profit will be reduced by £25.00 as you won't receive the £25.00 cashback as an existing account holder.
If you are unsure about this bet, you are most welcome to call us on 01642 223229 and we will help you as much as we can.
We're going to lay out a total of £80.00 on the Rangers v Zenit St Petersburg match and we will collect £122.63 if Rangers win, £123.90 if Zenit St Petersburg win and £121.00 if it's a draw. That's a minimum profit of 51%, a much higher interest rate than you will get in any high street bank.
Here's how it's done. Just follow these simple instructions.
1. Open an account with Coral. It is really important that you enter the bonus code of CORALTD when prompted. This is to ensure that you receive your bonus.
Open an account with Betfair. It is really important that you enter the promotional code of BFB425 when prompted. This is to ensure that you receive your bonus.
Open an account with Extrabet
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This shouldn't take you any longer than a few minutes.
2. Make the following deposits into your new accounts.
Deposit £20.00 into your new Coral account.
Deposit £26.00 into your new Betfair account.
Deposit £34.00 into your Extrabet account.
3. Now make the following bets.
Place £20.00 on the draw at 3.20 (11/5) with Coral.
Coral will now add a £10.00 bonus to your account. Place this on the draw as well. You will now have £30.00 riding on the draw.
Back Rangers with £26.00 at 3.9 (14/5) (or higher if available) with Betfair.
Place £34.00 on Zenit St Petersburg at 2.13 (11/10) with Extrabet .
Extrabet match your first bet up to £25 so you will now have £59.00 riding on Zenit St Petersburg.
The £25.00 matched bet will not show in your account but you can read all about how it works on the Extrabet site. It's the purple box that says '£25 FREE BET FOR NEW CUSTOMERS' on the top right hand side. Click here to visit the Extrabet site.
If you are unsure about placing these bets, please feel free to mail us or call us on 01642 223229 and we will talk you through it, no problem at all. There is no such thing as a stupid question.
You have temporarily laid out a total of £80.00 on the Rangers v Zenit St Petersburg match. I stress, temporarily... Now sit back, crack a beer open and enjoy the match.
4. Here's what happens at the end of the game.
If it's a draw, you collect £121.00. That's £96.00 from Coral plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If Rangers win, you collect £122.63. That's £97.63 from Betfair plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If Zenit St Petersburg win you collect £123.90. That's £98.90 from Extrabet plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
5. This means that the worst case scenario on the Rangers v Zenit St Petersburg match is a draw and you make £41.00 profit. However, if Rangers win you make £42.63 and if Zenit St Petersburg win you make £43.90. That's a minimum profit of 51%, a much better rate of interest that you would get at any high street bank or building society.
6. It is absolutely vital that you click on the links on this page to open the accounts with the two bookies and enter the correct bonus codes or you may not qualify for the bonuses.
Also, before you place your bets, you should check that the odds haven't changed. If they have, let us know by mail or phone us on 01642 223229 and we will rework the bet for you.
Please feel free to contact us or phone us on 01642 223229 if you have any questions at all about this bet and we will help you as much as we can.
Please note that the bonuses are valid for new customers only so if you already have an account with one or more of the bookies we are using, you won't be able to do this. If that is the case, mail us or phone us on 01642 223229 and we'll create an alternative bet for you using different bookies.
This method of betting was used very successfully during the 2006 World Cup and you can read all about how it was done right here.
We guarantee this bet
It's understandable that some people will not believe that it is possible to do this. "What's the catch?" I hear you asking. My answer to that question is that we have been publishing arbitrage bets for four seasons now and literally hundreds of people have profited from following the advice on these pages.
Only twice has our refund guarantee been triggered and that was when we did all the figures wrong and sent refunds out to those who had followed our advice and made a small loss.
Our refund guarantee works like this. If this bet doesn't work like we say it will and you end up out of pocket, we will refund your losses. Simple as that.
That means that you simply cannot lose on this, whatever happens and even if we messed up the numbers.
The only stipulation here is that you must click on the links on this page to be eligible for the refund guarantee, not that you'll be needing to claim anyway. Just enjoy the profit and stay posted for many more of these throughout the season.
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