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THE HANGOVER ISSUE 25-04-05
You join a very hungover scribe for this week's Boro news round up. Never again will banana flavoured ale be quaffed in such gargantuan quantities. Nor will it be chased by sambuca with such gay abandon in future. No siree.
Enough. What about the activity in the world of football over the last seven days? Well, not much of interest, as it happens. John Terry won the PFA Player Of The Year award last night and Stewart Downing lost out to Wayne Rooney in the PFA Young Player Of The Year. Ugly as Rooney is, it's hard to argue against the granny shagger.
Anyway, we better move on, I can feel last night's ill advised special mixed kebab is about to make a reappearance.
Let's do this.....
"I killed my dinner with karate."
The on-again-off-again-on-again-off-again relationship between oddly-coiffured centre-back Andrew Davies and oddly odd West Guntry nutcase Ian Hollloway was distinctly off again after Middlesbrough recalled Davies from this loan spell at QPR.
It turns out that Middlesbrough's ever sharp medical team had decided that Chris Riggott could play on until the end of the season despite carrying a knee injury that will require surgery in the summer. And we wonder why so many of our players suffer long-term injuries? Davies arrived just in time to sit on the bench for Tuesday's game against Fulham after Ugo Ehiogu returned from the injury incurred by Mark Schwarzer landing on his knee on Boxing Day.
And we're feeling sick again. Back in five.
Okay, false alarm. Onwards.
"And some great bellies ache with many bumblebees."
A late penalty earned Middlesbrough a 1-1 draw with Fulham at La Riv on Tuesday. The spot kick was Middlesbrough's first penalty since 1807 in spite of the fact that Edwin van der Sar's foul on JFH was outside the area.
Fulham boss Chris Coleman threw his toys out of his pram following Zenden's penalty and had to be restrained as he attempted to confront Rob Styles at the final whistle. Now, the decision was a little iffy, but Coleman would've been better advised aiming his frustrations at his strikers who wasted dozens of chances to take all three points.
Brian McBride was Fulham's main culprit/threat and he should've scored with a header after eight minutes. He missed with another header just before half time before Collins John had time to miss from close range. Not happy with being upstaged in the profligacy stakes Szilard Nemeth squandered Middlesbrough's best chance on the forty-two minute mark after George Boateng played him in.
Fulham continued to be the better side and Luis Boa Morte's freekick came close to breaking the deadlock. The Cottagers appeared to have wrapped up all three points after McBride's low effort flashed past Brad Jones and into the far corner. However, with the game into injury time, JFH chased a hopeful punt upfield and was clattered by van der Sar. Zenden kept his cool and despatched his penalty to salvage a point for Boro.
"Ho Swansea! Buttonwillow! Lagunitas! Ho Calico!"
There was a distinctly Italian feel about much of the Boro-related news this week as Steve McClaren, Keith Lamb and Don Mackay travelled to Turin to buy some perfume for their wives. It is thought that while there Steve McClaren decided to check on Juventus midfielder Stephen Appiah and it is believed that talks with Bianconeri officials took place. Boro are believed to desire a loan deal but Juve are thought to want a straight cash move. "The fans know we've got good established links with Juventus," said McClaren. "We-a want-a a cash move-a," a Juventus official may have said.
It is thought that McClaren also took a look at Igor Tudor who he hopes will bolster Boro's ageing central defence next season. Tudor, 47, is currently on loan at Siena where he plays alongside grass hungry slap-headed goal avoider Massimo Maccarone. Just to put the icing on a successful trip, Maccarone scored the opening goal in Siena's 2-0 win over Roma at the Stadio Olimpico. And Mrs McClaren was treated to a lovely Prada dress. Bonus!
"Svetlana sucks lemons across from me."
Liverpool and Paris Saint Germain are both understood to be keeping tabs on formerly Irish defender Franck Queudrue. Queudrue has developed into the Premiership's best left-back - yes, even better than Ashley Cole - since his arrival from Lens in 2001 and is finally beginning to be acknowledged as such.
"Playing in a club with more media coverage could help me catch the French team coach's eye," the 26-year-old said as he replaced his posters of Andrea Corr with that of Catherine Deneuve. Helping him with the exchange of furnishings was Queudrue's agent Gregory Dakad. "He is playing well and he has attracted interest, but that is natural," Dakad told Sky Sports. "For the time being he is doing well and is happy, but we are hoping to have talks over a longer deal at some time in the near future." Contract talks forthcoming, fanciful talk of other teams showing an interest... Who'd a thunk it?
"The sight of bridges and balloons makes calm canaries irritable."
Bryan Robson endured a miserable return to La Riv as his former club dumped West Brom back into the relegation zone courtesy of a 4-0 victory.
The Baggies were actually the better team in the early exchanges and Boro had Brad Jones to thank for keeping them in the contest. The Australian keeper made a great save to deny Kevin Campbell after ten minutes. Five minutes later, Jones denied Robert Earnshaw as the goofy Taff tried to loop the ball over him. Jones was then forced to deny Kevin Campbell after the former Arsenal man headed from close range.
However, after Boro broke the deadlock on twenty-seven minutes, they ensured that Robson had a horrible afternoon. Zenden, who was playing towards his best for the first time in weeks, played a clever ball to JFH whose tame shot was saved by Russell Hoult. The ball landed at the feet of Szilard Nemeth whose scuffed shot meandered into the corner of the net.
Nemeth caused further problems for West Brom just six minutes later. The Slovakian left Thomas Gaardsoe on his arse before pulling the ball back from the by-line. Hoult turned the ball towards his own net before JFH nicked the goal from Nemeth by smashing it over the line. Another error from Hoult after thirty-seven minutes allowed Boro to extend their advantage, with Hasselbaink and Nemeth again combining. JFH's drive was parried by Hoult and Nemeth reacted quickest to head home his second of the match.
Boro were content to protect their lead in the second half and the introduction of Kanu and Junichi Inamoto proved insufficient for West Brom. Kanu managed one effort on goal, but his header was pushed over the bar by Brad Jones. Then, with just seconds remaining, Downing rubbed further salt into the West Brom wounds when he stylishly curled home a free kick late on to lift Boro into seventh place.
The Skinny
There's no getting away from the fact that we were poor against Fulham, but four points from two games was better than most of our UEFA Cup rivals managed. Bolton drew both of their games, Liverpool lost to Palace, and Spurs could only draw with West Brom and will surely lose tonight. Even Everton could only manage four points in two games. And that's before we talk about Newcastle's defeat against Norwich. The 'codes have now lost their last five games. Three points at St. James' on Wednesday for Boro? You bet.
Then it's Liverpool at Anfield next Saturday in a game that they surely won't care about, coming, as it does, between their two Champions League matches with Chelsea. A repeat of the performance from the Riverside in November would be just lovely.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to do something about this kofte-based discomfort that I'm experiencing.
And with that....
BACK TO JAMES BASSETT INDEX
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