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THE ASHLEY GILES ISSUE 30-8-05
You'll have to excuse the lack of a lengthy and humorous preamble this week. My hands hurt from playing cricket all weekend and what with yesterday's humiliating defeat, I don't much feel like laughing.
Let's do this.....
"Are they civilised or Satanist?"
George Boateng has expressed his disappointment at his side's inability to score against Spurs despite creating some decent openings. The Dutch midfielder admitted, "We created a lot of chances but didn't finish. I am not only talking about the forwards but the midfield as well and that includes myself."
After two games in which Boro failed to win and failed to score, poverty-stricken Boateng, who still hasn't agreed a new contract, also voiced his concern that Middlesbrough's other central midfielders are a bit rubbish.
"I want someone who is going to compete with me, to put me under pressure, then I have to step up a gear. There is no point in having a midfielder next to me who is only half as good as I am," said the Netherlands international as he watched Doriva and Ray Parlour punt balls aimlessly around the Rockliffe training ground.
"Honey, I'm a prize and you're a catch and we're a perfect match."
Mark Viduka marked his recall to the Boro first team with a terrific brace as Boro cruised to a 3-0 victory at St. Andrew's.
After a nervy start, the first chance of the game fell to Nicky Butt. Schwarzer, however, gathered the ginger-haired Geordie reject's header and Boro countered immediately with Jimmy Floyd dragging his shot wide of Maik Taylor's goal. Ten minutes later, Viduka scored his first goal. Hasselbaink laid the ball to Michael Reiziger who knocked the ball on to Jim Morrison. Morrison's cross was turned in by Viduka.
Viduka should have doubled his tally five minutes later when Taylor failed to miss the gargantuan Aussie with his clearance. Obviously, it's easier said than done. Viduka, however, dawdled on the ball and allowed Matthew Upson to come back and hack him down. Referee Phil Dowd should have awarded Boro a penalty and sent the calamitous Upson off.
Miraculously, Viduka was able to survive Upson's challenge without damaging his back/groin/hamstring/calf and scored a second before the end of the first half. He received the ball from Franck Queudrue in the corner and tricked his way past three Birmingham players before leathering home a volley from a very tight angle.
Steve Bruce introduced Mikael Forssell and Muzzy Izzet at half time, but they were unable to turn the tide. Hasselbaink missed a good chance for a third before Queudrue made it three for Boro. Stewart Downing sent a cross to the back post and Queudrue guided the ball home with his left foot. Jermaine Pennant hit the stanchion for Birmingham and Izzet had a shot cleared off the line late on but Boro deserved the victory.
"Well pardon my birth, I just slipped out."
Wheelchair and leg brace manufacturers in the North East were rubbing their hands with glee and planning early retirements as news came in this week that Emanuel Pogatetz had been given the all clear to make his debut for Boro.
The Austrian international was handed a six-month global ban for breaking the leg of Jaroslav Haritonskiy while on loan at Spartak Moscow last season. Pogatetz's ban had subsequently been reduced from twenty-four games to just eight, which he had already served while at Spartak.
Pogatetz told www.mfc.co.uk, "I feel very good and am in good shape... To break someone's legs. It's been hard to motivate myself to just train without having any games, but the club have been great and I'm looking forward to helping the team... By breaking someone's legs. It's been a mentally tough few months for me, but now I'm just looking forward... To breaking someone's." Well, you get the idea.
"The wicket keeper is down."
An embarrassing second half performance saw Boro sink to a 3-0 victory against Charlton at La Riv on Sunday afternoon.
Boro started the game brightly with Yakubu heading over from a Stewart Downing cross but Dennis Rommedahl was finding it all too easy to get away from Franck Queudrue and after spooning three terrible crosses, the Dane managed to open the scoring. Danny Murphy played a great pass and Queudrue failed to track Rommedahl and the former PSV Eindhoven player calmly side-footed the ball past Mark Schwarzer.
While he was struggling at one end, Franck Queudrue caused chaos in the Charlton area as he had a volley cleared off the line by Luke Young. Soon after, Yakubu received the ball in the area and laid the ball off for Jim Morrison whose Moonlight Drive drew a fine save from Stephan Andersen.
Morrison and Queudrue were both withdrawn at half time and replaced with Gaizka Mendieta and debutante Emanuel Pogatetz. Mendieta lasted just twelve minutes before hobbling off with a calf injury. He was replaced with the returning Massimo Maccarone.
Boro offered very little in the second half but Mark Viduka fired a shot that Andersen palmed away and Pogatetz had his headed effort cleared from the goalmouth by the impressive Alexei Smertin.
When he wasn't falling over Maccarone nearly grabbed a goal but Andersen managed to hold the Italian's shot at the second attempt. Charlton sealed the win through Chris Perry as the veteran centre back got on the end of Danny Murphy's free kick. To add to the mood of disenchantment around The Riverside, Darren Bent made it 3-0 as he waltzed past Ugo Ehiogu to smash home.
The Skinny
England's victory has drawn a lot of the vitriol out of me, so I'll try and keep the expletives to a minimum. Make no mistake though, Sunday afternoon's performance was every bit as bad as the one which saw us lose 1-3 against Southampton in March. That was last season's nadir, let's hope the Charlton defeat can be this seasons' low point.
I know it's difficult to remember given that we ended the match so poorly, but we played pretty well in the first half. Downing and Morrison were both causing problems with their crosses and movement and both of them should have scored.
When Charlton had possession, the extra man in midfield was our undoing as Murphy and Smertin were able to dictate things knowing that Kishishev would offer them protection, but when we had the ball, we were able to penetrate their midfield with some regularity. On another day, Morrison, Downing, Yakubu and Queudrue could all have scored.
McClaren obviously didn't see it that way and decided to make some changes at half time. Queudrue was having a tough time with Rommedahl and Pogatetz played quite well, so I won't argue with that substitution, but replacing Morrison with Mendieta served no purpose. Morrison's pace was causing Chris Powell more problems that Ray Parlour would ever be able to.
Once Mendieta went off, the idea of shoving Maccarone up front was nonsense. Though I'm not his biggest fan, a straight swap with Doriva would've been a better move. Switching to 4-3-3 against a five-man midfield with half an hour to go is suicidal.
No doubt Arsenal will turn up and give us our traditional 4-0 thrashing but McClaren needs to sort his shit out before the Xanthi and Wigan games. Oh and a couple of new midfielders wouldn't go amiss. The clock is ticking...
And with that....
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