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THE ROD LAVER ISSUE 5-9-05
With no Premiership or cricket to watch, this week has been as dull as the supposedly explosive Eastenders episodes. I'll try my best to make this entertaining though.
Of course, there was a routine 1-0 England World Cup qualifying win to sleep through but the week's main entertainment came from watching 20,000 unemployed Geordies turn up to welcome unwanted Real Madrid flop Michael Owen to Tyneside. All for the prospect of a striking partnership that saw England knocked out of Euro 2000 at the first hurdle. And that was five years ago when both Shearer and Owen were immeasurably better players. Some people are easily pleased.
Let's do this.....
"I'm 10,000 leagues beneath the sea."
Following Boro's 3-0 humiliation by Charlton, Steve McClaren expressed his anger at his team's dismal display. Absolving himself of any mismanagement, McClaren told Sky Sports, "That was a Middlesbrough team I didn't recognize from the ones we've generally put out over the last four years." Which is worrying considering the starting eleven had over 1,000 appearances for Boro between them.
McClaren continued, "Sometimes these things happen and although you can't accept them, you have to find the reasons why and we will do that." Here's a hint, Steve, don't try playing a three-man midfield against a five-man midfield.
"Slain by your zirconium smile."
The transfer window closed on Wednesday night with the usual smattering of transfers ranging from the obvious (Jermaine Jenas to Spurs), to the bizarre (Matt Poom to Arsenal), to the old fashioned panic buy (Dario Silva to Portsmouth). Despite having all summer to bring in new players, Steve McClaren left it late again to conduct his business. With previous last-minute deals including luminaries such as Michael Ricketts, John Eustace and Ricardinho, Boro fans were understandably excited about what the 31st August might bring.
They might love a goal-scorer up on Tyneside (thank you for pointing out the blindingly obvious, Mr. Shearer), but it doesn't appear to be an appreciation they share with denizens of the banks of the Red Sea as only two people and a goat turned up to welcome Joseph-Desire Job to Al Ittihad. The Cameroon international who has managed eighteen goals in ninety-two appearances for Boro, signed a Dollarific loan deal with the Saudi side on Wednesday afternoon.
Also leaving the club was Napoleon Wrasse-lookalike Michael Reiziger who moved for nothing to PSV Eindhoven. "I am very glad to have been given the chance to make this move," said Reiziger, echoing the sentiments of everybody on Teesside who ever saw him play.
Coming into La Riv are comedy Mr. T Abel Xavier and Fabio Rochemback. Rochemback signed a five-year deal after Boro agreed a £1million price with Barcelona to end the Brazilian's three-year loan contract with Sporting Lisbon. "It was a good agreement for all parties," Rochemback told A Bola, forgetting that Sporting are losing one of the outstanding midfielders in the Portuguese Superliga.
Meanwhile, Xavier joins the club on a one-year loan deal from farcical Italian outfit, Roma. "I was very attracted when the boss Steve McClaren spoke to me," said Xavier, portraying the same attraction for smug red heads that saw this writer cover his bedroom walls with posters of Dana Scully throughout his teenage years.
"O my mackinaw feels too tight."
Just four games into the season and Middlesbrough already have an injury list that includes Tony McMahon, Stuart Parnaby, Gaizka Mendieta, Chris Riggott, Malcolm Christie and now Stewart Downing.
Downing aggravated a knee injury in the defeat to Charlton and will be absent for at least three months. Of course, given that it's a Boro player, the injury required surgery, which took place last week. Coach Steve Round told www.mfc.co.uk, "The operation went very well and the surgeon was very happy with the repair."
It seems probable that the injury will severely damage Downing's chances of playing in next year's World Cup. Sven Goran Eriksson was quick to assure Downing that he could still make the tournament, taking time away from his busy schedule from phoning ex-lovers to tell Sky Sports, "If he starts playing football in January, of course, he has a chance of making the World Cup squad."
The Skinny
Alright, Xavier looks like an idiot but he can't be any worse than Reiziger, surely? And once McMahon and Parnaby are fit, it's unlikely his ridiculous peroxide bonce will make the first team anyway. Rochemback however is a class act. He's a tough tackler, highly creative and very skilled with set pieces. He's going to be a big success alongside Boateng. There, I've jinxed him.
Tune in next week for an Ashes-filled edition with a sprinkling of Boro news.
And with that....
BACK TO JAMES BASSETT INDEX
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