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THE NOTRE DAME ISSUE 12-9-05
Yeah, it's late this week but having spent the weekend in Regent's Park getting hammered and watching the England attack make mincemeat out of the Aussie middle order, I've been in no position to write anything about Boro.
As for today's play, we just need to defend against Warne, get 160-odd off of McGrath, Lee and Tait and win the Ashes. Easy peasy.
England's football team sucks, by the way.
Let's do this.....
"The streets are full of Goths and Greeks."
It was reported by the News of the World last week that Boro's own Tonya Harding, Emanuel Pogatetz, is disgusted with his new surroundings.
Pogatetz, who was interviewed while strapped safely inside an iron lung said, "Thank God. splutter.. it's only on match days.. cough.. we have to go into Middlesbrough. I would.. splutter.. not want to live in the town. All you've got there is.. cough.. smoking chimneys."
Fearing a backlash from the fans, realising that it's unwise to say anything to lying hacks or perhaps seeing what slagging off Middlesbrough has done for Szilard Nemeth's career, Pogatetz attempted to set the record straight.
"I spoke to a reporter from a small Austrian newspaper about how I was settling in at Middlesbrough. I didn't tell him what I thought about the town because he didn't ask me," Pogatetz told www.mfc.co.uk.
"What I did tell him was that our training ground is not in the town itself, so I only go into Middlesbrough when we have a match. I can only guess that he has decided to add that the reason for this is the industry. It's ridiculous. Somebody has added new words to what I really said, twisting my words to mean something very different. I am angry that they have done this. I will break their legs," he almost added, but didn't.
"He's got that urban genie thing going on."
Rather than face the media backlash following England's humbling at the hands of Northern Ireland, Steve McClaren instead decided to speak of his excitement about new signing Fabio Rochemback on Thursday.
McClaren, making like Louis Walsh, said, "He will give us something extra, especially in terms of creativity. He's a very good passer and an all-round excellent footballer. Rochemback has got that certain something we've been missing - the X-factor in the midfield department." Rumours that McClaren's targets in the January transfer window are Shane from Westlife and the Nadine from Girls Aloud remain unfounded.
"Stockport supporters club kindly provided a choir."
After eighty-six million consecutive 4-0 losses at home against Arsenal, Boro finally recorded a win against the North London mid-table outfit.
The first ten minutes gave little indication of what was to come as Arsenal ravaged Boro. Jose Reyes had his first chance after Ugo Ehiogu presented the Spaniard with the ball on the edge of the 18-yard-box. Fortunately, Schwarzer was equal to the shot.
Four minutes later, Alexander Hleb worked the ball to Reyes who fired against the post. Reyes, again, troubled Boro with a pass to Robert Pires, which neither Abel Xavier nor Gareth Southgate reacted to particularly quickly. Eventually, Southgate got back to make a challenge and the shot cannoned wide.
Somehow, Boro went into the half-time break ahead. The impressive Rochemback played the ball to Yakubu, who after a fortunate bounce, escaped the attention of Kolo Toure for long enough to side-foot the ball past Jens Lehmann. The half-time whistle blew with Boro holding an unlikely one-nil lead.
If they had been fortunate in the first half, Boro were composed, assured and wonderful in the second. Massimo Maccarone, playing the way an £8.5 million player should, was a constant pain for the hapless Pascal Cygan and fashioned a chance for Yakubu in the 53rd minute. Only a sprawling save from Jens Lehmann denied the Nigerian a second goal.
On the 59th minute, Boro doubled their lead. Hleb tore into the Boro area but fell over as the result of a challenge from Xavier. While Reyes, Bergkamp and Hleb complained to referee Mike Riley, Schwarzer punted the ball downfield to Yakubu. Cygan won the initial header, but, with no Arsenal midfielder in sight, Yakubu picked up the ball and fed the ball through to Maccarone, who showed great composure to calmly slot the ball past Lehmann. Typically, the Italian fell over while celebrating.
Boro were content to see the rest of the game out, and retained possession far better than any team managed by the England Assistant Manager has any right to. Arsenal, however, managed to grab a late consolation goal through Reyes. A one-two with Robin Van Persie sent Reyes through on goal and, after rounding Schwarzer, the teenager tucked the ball into the empty net.
The Skinny
How do you forget about a 3-0 home defeat by Charlton? Beat Arsenal 2-1, obviously.
Aside from a dodgy first ten minutes, and a pretty haphazard display from Ugo, Boro were wonderful. Schwarzer made at least two important saves and his distribution led directly to our second goal. Xavier, while a little sloppy in the opening period, looked assured, Southgate was his usual brilliant self and Franck, is well, Franck. Emanuel Pogatetz, again, made a great cameo appearance. The Austrian is going to be a hit.
The midfield trio of Parlour, Boateng and Rochemback were superb. Parlour delivered perhaps his best performance in a Boro shirt and allowed Ashley Cole very little room to attack into. Rochemback and Boateng look like they'll be able to forge a great understanding in the middle of the park.
The only slight concern is that they both played very deep for a lot of the game. Only time will tell if that was under instruction from McClaren or whether they both have a predilection for collecting the ball from our back four and getting in each others' way.
While he was, at times, a little isolated, Adam Johnson made an assured Premiership debut. Lauren can be a bit of a tough cookie, but Johnson got the better of him on more than one occasion.
I don't think I was alone in groaning when Mark Viduka's name was absent from the team sheet. Not only is jetlag a pathetic reason to be exempt from playing football, but Maccarone's name didn't fill me with confidence. Massimo, I must apologise. The Italian was, quite simply, breathtaking.
Just like our League Cup Semi-Final victory two seasons ago, Maccarone put Cygan under pressure from the first whistle until the last and more than deserved his goal. Hopefully, he'll gain some confidence from it and become the player that we all hope he does. Yakubu put in his best performance for us, as well. Unlike our other strikers, he has the capacity to create a goal from nothing. Like Massimo, let's hope that his goal becomes a springboard for greater things.
Boro play twice this week, which should give this writer something to report next Monday. I say "report", but I actually mean copy and paste from another website and add some rubbish jokes.
And with that....
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