|
|
THE RICHARD PRYOR ISSUE 19-12-05
It's Monday afternoon and this column is already sixteen hours late. With that in mind, I hope you'll excuse me if we get right to it without any lengthy preamble.
Let's do this.....
"Ain't working at McDonalds, you can suck my dick."
Not for Steve McClaren the usual suspects of an iPod, Xbox 360, PSP, Eminem's Greatest Hits and Hair Straighteners. No, the Boro boss' Christmas list simply includes the words 'Vladan Grujic'. At least, it does according to the always reliable Sky Sports.
The 24-year-old Bosnian currently plies his trade with European giants Alania Vladikavkaz, but the domestic campaign in Russia has finished and Grujic is able to train elsewhere. The former Cologne midfielder has impressed McClaren by managing to avoid injury after one week of playing on the Rockcliffe's notorious training pitch and looks set to be offered a deal by the club.
McClaren's not stopping there though and is also believed to be interested in Marseille defender Abdoulaye Meite. The Ivory Coast international is said to be unhappy with his current situation at the Stade Velodrome and clear the air talks with Marseille manager Jean Fernandez are not thought to have gone well. Despite being just 25-years-old, Meite has attracted the attention of Bolton, while Birmingham failed to convince him of the virtues of playing in the Championship next season.
With the French winter break beginning this weekend, it is thought that Meite will arrive on Teesside next week to talk to the club. Meite is primarily a central defender but can also play at right back. Just what Matthew Bates wanted for Christmas, I'll bet.
"T.G.I. Friday's."
After two good performances - both of which resulted in defeat and one of which resulted in a red card - Chris Riggott has made the thinly veiled suggestion to Boro that the club should offer him a new deal. Liverpool have been rumoured to have an interest in the former Derby defender but Riggott has insisted that he is content with life at The Riverside. If he gets more money, of course.
"There's been a bit of speculation and yeah, it is flattering but at the end of the day, I'm not interested in going anywhere," clichéd Riggott, "I've enjoyed my time here massively, I'm enjoying playing and long may it continue."
"I've not heard anything or really thought much about a new contract, that's in the club's hands. We'll wait and see if anything happens but it's definitely something I'd like to see happen," he not-too-subtly hinted. "It's taken a long time to get the base right here but I've enjoyed it and learnt a lot. The players are good lads, the staff are great and it's a great club to be involved in. I'm settled and happy here and this is where I see my long-term future."
Riggott also took time to talk about his dismissal against Liverpool. "I'm speechless," Riggott said. "The first one was never a booking," was his assessment of his sliding scissor challenge, "and with the second, I had no intention of even committing a foul, let alone picking up a second yellow card." Which I guess is supposed to make it okay.
"Yo, man, but I got this cheeseburger - yo double cheeseburger - autographed by Slick Rick, man. It's still in the freezer, yo. I'ma sell that shit, man."
Steve McClaren is preparing for a showdown with Nigeria over the availability of Yakubu Aiyegbeni for the African Cup of Nations.
The Super Eagles - who failed to qualify for the World Cup - have named a 49-man squad for a training party they are planning to hold in the build-up to the African Cup of Nations in January. The Nigerian FA are now holding auditions for twenty girls willing to get roas[snip - ed].
Nigeria want the squad to train in Portugal ahead of the tournament in Egypt - and that could mean any English-based players missing up to seventeen games. Fifa rules state that Boro must release Yakubu two weeks before the start of the tournament. But, like James Dean in Rebel Without A Cause, Steve McClaren won't be shackled by the Man.
"He's been called up and it's under discussion," McClaren sneered as he sharpened his switch blade, "Will there be some arm twisting? We'll have to see about that. Does he want to go? You'd have to ask Yak." Who'd have thought that McClaren would be so adept at the game of chicken?
"It seems you suck, that's without a doubt."
A late brace from Massimo Maccarone was enough to see off Litex Lovech and ensure that Boro finished top of Group D in the Uefa Cup on Thursday night.
Middlesbrough began the game brightly with Adam Johnson causing panic in the Litex area with a series of dangerous crosses in the opening minutes, but Boro's best chance fell to Maccarone after he was played in by Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink. The Italian barely connected with the ball and his tame side foot effort was easily saved by Vitomir Vutov.
After fifteen minutes of intense pressure, Litex began to improve and nearly broke the deadlock after twenty minutes when Mihail Venkov cut the ball back for Milivoje Novakovic, who hammered the ball just wide of the post. Boro forged an opportunity a minute later, but Jason Kennedy couldn't quite keep his volley down.
Petar Zlatinov almost embarrassed Brad Jones after half an hour with a long-range lob. Thankfully, the Australian managed to tip the ball over the bar.
Litex grew in confidence and dominated the early stages of the second half. Jones was forced to deny the impressive Novakovic twice. At the other end, Maccarone should have scored when Queudrue headed Kennedy's corner down into the path of the Italian.
Just when it looked like Boro would have to settle for second place in the group, the home side broke the deadlock ten minutes from time. Adam Johnson weaved his way past a couple of challenges and sent in a cross which not even Maccarone could mess up.
Boro ensured top spot in the group five minutes later, when Maccarone collected the ball midway inside the Litex half and ran ten yards before surprising the 19 people in the crowd by unleashing a superb left-foot drive into the top corner.
"Silver Surfer on the cerebellum."
Boro's reward for finishing top of Uefa Cup Group D is a tie with VfB Stuttgart. Steve McClaren has declared himself to be delighted with the draw. "Stuttgart are a big club with a massive stadium and I think the fans will come in droves to both legs," McClaren prayed.
Chief Executive Keith Lamb was equally happy to have landed a big team. "Any draw against a Bundesliga team is going to be difficult, but we have nothing to fear." With Stuttgart's squad including such Premiership flops as Jesper Gronkjaer, Thomas Hitzlsperger, Jon Dahl Tomasson and Marcus Babbel, Lamb might just be right.
"Dominant delivery like James Earl Jones."
Ugo Ehiogu has admitted that he is becoming frustrated at the lack of first team opportunities afforded to him this season. Should have thought of that when he was being rubbish and injured then, shouldn't he?
"I want to play as many games as possible and, when I'm not doing that, I'm simply not happy," Ehiogu whined. "Unfortunately, I can't seem to get the sort of games that I'm wanting at the moment."
"As much as it's frustrating, I have to concentrate on playing well whenever an opportunity comes along. I'm an experienced player, but that doesn't make something like this any easier to bear. All I can do is play well in the team and see what happens for the next game. There's not a lot else I can do really." But if you were playing well you'd be in the team, Ugo. You do the math.
"I get excited and crash a Third Grade Spelling Bee. And just as a girl named Bethany is about to win by spelling 'cheese', I interrupt her train of thought by yelling 'freeze'."
An 82nd minute header from Mido ensured that Spurs left The Riverside with a point after a highly entertaining 3-3 draw on Sunday afternoon.
Despite ending with six goals, the first twenty minutes of the game were devoid of any skill or quality and the game quickly degenerated into a scrappy midfield affair. Spurs drew first blood on the twenty-fifth minute as Mark Schwarzer continued his run of making mistakes against Spurs by dropping a Lee Young-Pyo cross. Robbie Keane tapped the ball into the unguarded net. It appeared as though Gareth Southgate could have prevented it. Lazy sod.
The lead lasted just five minutes as the visitors failed to deal with a Fabio Rochemback corner. Franck Queudrue returned the ball to the area and Yakubu fired a volley inside Paul Robinson's near post.
Ten minutes later, Boro had the lead for the first time. Jim Morrison sped towards goal like a Rider on the Storm and his left foot shot deflected off Yakubu and left Robinson helpless. Replays showed Yakubu's touch to be crucial and the goal was awarded to the Nigerian.
Boro continued to assert their supremacy in the second half. Morrison's cross with met by a powerful header from Yakubu but Robinson was able to tip it over the bar. Nonetheless, Spurs levelled in the 62nd minute. After some serious faffing about, Jermaine Jenas curled a free kick over the wall and past Schwarzer.
Morrison almost restored Boro's lead after a neat exchange with Boateng but Robinson was equal to his right foot shot. Minutes later, Doriva - making his single useful contribution of the afternoon - forced a fine save from the England keeper. Boro had the lead from the resulting corner. Fabio Rochemback swung the ball in and Queudrue met it with a header that crashed down off the bar. Subsequent television replays prove that the ball did cross the line.
Boro couldn't hold onto the lead though, as Michael Carrick's corner was met with a firm header from Mido. Three minutes later, the game was halted for six minutes after Robbie Keane booted Morrison in the head. Thankfully, the Boro winger regained consciousness shortly after leaving the pitch.
Sulky, spoiled little brat Jermaine Defore could have secured victory for Spurs but Schwarzer saved well from the corner flag botherer and both sides had to settle for a point.
The Skinny
A few weeks ago it would've been easy to make a joke about Boro being so boring that even the players are losing consciousness. However, another six goals at La Riv means that it's now the most goal-friendly stadium in the Premier League. If only we hadn't conceded so many of them.
There are some issues that McClaren must address if Boro are to climb the league and succeed in the cup competitions this season. Our defense lacks any sort of pace and is undone with straight balls through the centre with alarming regularity. Given that Southgate, Bates and Riggott are otherwise excellent defenders, maybe the midfield need to make more of an effort to cut the passes off at their source. However, more troubling is the fact that we are conceding a lot of goals from set-pieces. Perhaps the club should introduce a medieval torture rack to the Rockcliffe Centre in an effort to add a few inches to our short arse players.
That's it from me for the year. Have a great Christmas, everyone.
And with that....
BACK TO JAMES BASSETT INDEX |
|
|
|
