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THE NOTHING SHORT OF INCREDIBLE ISSUE 13-2-06
Longtime readers will be familiar with the format by now... This is the area where I give a little lighthearted spin on the week's major sporting events.
Truth is, neither the Superbowl, Six Nations, nor the Winter Olympics have come close to rivaling the week's major sporting event, so I don't think I'll bother. I think you know the sporting event I mean...
Let's do this.....
"Oh, honey. Don't eat that - wouldn't you rather have your sugar bag?"
Despite increasing pressure from fans to sack Steve McClaren, Steve Gibson has insisted that the Boro manager is the best man to get the club out of relegation trouble, and has given him the vote of confidence that all-too-rarely isn't preceded by the word 'dreaded'.
Having watched their team capitulate against an abundantly average Aston Villa side, the twenty Boro supporters who had stayed to the final whistle waited outside the Riverside to voice their opinion. While it's alleged that a confrontation took place between Mark Viduka and the supporters, it was typical of a man of such undeniable class that Steve Gibson took the opportunity to address the disgruntled fans.
"When Steve McClaren came to this club we had only managed 42 points under Terry Venables," Gibson said, enlightening Bryan Robson, at the very least, who believed that he was still in charge in 2001. "Since then, we have won the Carling Cup, we have got into Europe the last two years running and we are still in the Uefa Cup. You have to look in the longer term." Gibson also dismissed suggestions that McClaren lacks passion for Middlesbrough, "I can tell you if you had seen Steve McClaren after Saturday's game you would see how passionate he is about this football club."
Meanwhile, Jonathan Greening - taking time out from his hectic schedule of running round in circles, passing the ball backwards and growing hair - told the Daily Mirror that he thought McClaren had lost the respect of the dressing room. "I know a few of the boys there who are a bit unhappy with McClaren's way of doing things. Some of the signings have not worked out for him either, "said Greening, defiantly avoiding looking in the mirror, "McClaren is a really good coach, but some coaches don't make good managers."
This writer would like to add that Jonathan Greening is a really good player, but some really good players should keep their nose out things that don't concern them.
"They won't let me in the big people library downtown. There was some. unpleasantness. I can never go back."
Some fans have been saying it for months, so it's only right that the press have cottoned on about eight months later. Tony Mowbray is being linked with a move to La Riv.
"It's something I'm pretty uncomfortable talking about because I don't want to talk about the job of someone I respect as a great coach," schmoozed Mowbray, carefully using the word 'coach' and not 'manager'. "It's very disrespectful. I live my life through respect and hopefully this comes across as me saying 'let Steve McClaren get on with his job," continued Mowbray, a bit like a second-rate Don Corleone.
If Boro do finish 17th, what chance Steve Gibson making Mowbray an offer he can't refuse?
"I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are."
Having had to suffer through the tiresome protocol of a post-match interview following the humiliation by Villa, Steve McClaren was no doubt delighted to speak to the press following Boro's 1-0 over Coventry.
"Every win, no matter what position you are in is a relief. It's so difficult winning football matches." McClaren told Sky Sports. "The aim of the game was to get a clean sheet because we have always got players who can score. The performance was gritty rather than pretty, and we just got back to basics." Like running, passing and tackling, this writer would probably have added.
"Authorities say the phony Pope can be recognised by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth."
Boro achieved the greatest result of the season by humbling the supposedly unbeatable Chelsea on Saturday afternoon. Perhaps more shocking still was the fact that McClaren chose not to use the word 'magnificent' once.
"I am delighted for the players. Amongst all the criticism and the performances and results, they have stayed together and it has been very good," smirked McClaren, knowing that every Boro fan would forgive him a little smugness just this once.
"They got their just rewards today - but I am pleased for the fans who have not seen many good displays at The Riverside and they have suffered over the last few months, along with the players, and to get a very good victory, a comprehensive victory like that against the champions-elect - who are a very, very good side, was a great reward for them and they will enjoy it," McClaren beamed, before somebody reminded him that Boro have followed wins against Arsenal and Manchester United with defeats to Sunderland and Everton. "Hopefully we can take it on."
And therein lies the problem.
The Skinny
You might recall that after strongly supporting Steve McClaren for months, I called for him to be sacked in this space last week, and while one fantastic performance doesn't change my view, it's certainly a bloody good start.
But we've been here before. We followed a win against Arsenal with a draw to Wigan and a loss to Sunderland and the battering of Manchester United was followed by a defeat by Everton. However, it's also worth pointing out that both the Arsenal and United games were immediately followed by comfortable Uefa Cup victories over FC Xanthi and FC Dnipro respectively. VfB Stuttgart, who lost at the weekend, should be warned. It's a shame, though, that the momentum gained on Saturday might be lost by the time that we visit The Hawthorns.
Finally, it'd be remiss of me not to mention Mark Viduka's reported behaviour. A more naturally gifted striker we've probably never seen in a Middlesbrough shirt, however stories of his temper tantrum at The Riverside yesterday suggested that he mixes the skills of a world-beater with the temperament of a seven-year-old girl.
It all appears to be untrue however as the rumours, first reported by the BBC, have been vehemently denied by Steve McClaren who stated the following.
"Mark was always going to be on the bench and when he came in he told the doctor he had an illness so I decided not to risk him. I told him to go home and come back on Monday, so there is nothing sinister there."
And with that....
BACK TO JAMES BASSETT INDEX
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