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THIS IS A CRISIS 10-1-06
"This is a crisis. A large crisis. In fact, if you've got a moment, it's a twelve-storey crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpeting throughout, 24-hour portage, and an enormous sign on the roof, saying 'This Is a Large Crisis'. A large crisis requires a large plan.get me two pencils and a pair of underpants."
Ok, so maybe Middlesbrough Football Club is not quite in the same kind of crisis that Captain Blackadder was. Let's face it, none of us are having to go "over the top" to face an inevitable onslaught from German machine gunners, although at times we may prefer to suffer such a fate than watch our team.
And while in actual fact we as a club are a long way from crisis, the cracks are beginning to show. Rumours of dressing room splits and gossip about transfer targets were, until last Friday, just that- rumours and gossip.
But news of Mark Schwarzer's transfer request being made, and then accepted, proved to me that all was not right. To many the name Schwarzer was already a thing of the past, forgotten by some fans in the first week of January like last year's Christmas presents.
Schwarzer's decision however provided the fuel that the flames of the transfer window so badly needed. Howard, Green, Jaaskelainen and Cudicini are but a few names to be linked as a replacement for the Big Aussie, in what could be the start of a goalkeeping merry-go round.
While such speculation grew, there was still something bothering me. I know it bothered others too- so many un-answered questions. The most prominent of all was the simplest, "Why?"
"The club has shown it's ambitious and I want to continue to be part of that" - Mark Schwarzer Jan 2005
It was almost exactly a year ago to the day that Schwarzer penned a new three-year deal, one that, in the words of Steve McClaren, meant we had a "first class goalkeeper in place for the next few seasons". On 19 January 2005 everyone at the club appeared relieved and more than anything, united.
If Schwarzer himself is to believed, then this transfer request has come on the back of weeks of unrest, and his desire to set himself a new challenge; to raise the bar, if you will. And under normal circumstances, maybe I would believe him. But I don't think I do.
Surely he thought long and hard about committing to the club last January, knowing that he would be 35 when his deal expired, and that it could very well be his last professional contract at the highest level. It doesn't seem to fit that just a year later, he wants out.
Greedy agents are always suspects; if players don't move, agents don't get paid. Maybe with the fans on the keepers' back, Schwarzer's agent has persuaded him it's time to move on.
Or maybe, as I think deep down we all want to believe, there has been the blazing row in the manager's office that both McClaren and Schwarzer have denied. I think this is the most likely option. Something certainly isn't right. Why would McClaren just accept the fact that Schwarzer wants to leave, without even attempting to talk him out of it?
Schwarzer hardly endeared himself to the Boro faithful during his contract saga, and his recent clangers have made him the target for critics, including myself. Despite that, he has been a loyal servant to the club during his nine years and despite the errors that all humans make, he has been a very good goalkeeper for us. It remains to be seen how many more will follow him, but don't expect the Aussie to be the last to pack his bags this January.
"If the truth be known, I've been basically unhappy for the past four or five weeks. I'm in need of a fresh challenge" - Mark Schwarzer Jan 2006
Indeed, another of the clubs long serving players looks set to move in the near future. Ugo Ehiogu was one of Bryan Robson's better signings, arriving in 2000 for what was at the time a club record £8million. Ugo formed one of the league's best defensive partnerships with former Aston Villa teammate Gareth Southgate, until injuries saw him slide down the pecking order.
It was only a matter of time before Robson tried to buy some of his old signings back, and Ehiogu could be joined at the Hawthorns by any number of our current squad. Good luck to Ugo in the future.
I hoped that having conceded in the last minute at Newcastle the week before, we would be able to see out the game at part-time Nuneaton Borough and progress into round four of the F.A. Cup. Alas, it was not to be. Again, a last minute goal cost us.
Ok, we are still in the cup, and I'm 100% sure that we will breeze past them in the replay. Rabbits caught in the headlights and all that. But another individual error has cost us at the end of the match, and unfortunately, it was Southgate again.
So, we're leaking last minute goals like they are going out of fashion, we've lost our keeper amidst talk of a dressing room split, we need a replay to defeat Nuneaton Borough and the fans are understandably unhappy. Crisis? What crisis?
Anyway, I'm off to find two pencils and a pair of underpants.
Same time next week. UP THE BORO!
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