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FEED THE YAK AND HE WILL SCORE 14-3-06
How many of us would rather spend Saturday night out in town, getting steaming drunk and stumbling aimlessly from girl to girl, knowing that rejection is just one slap away. And how many of us would rather settle down with a cool lager from the fridge, kick back and watch Match of the Day? Call me old fashioned, but role opening credits and cue the famous theme tune.
I'll be the first to admit it's not as good as it used to be. When I first started watching about ten years ago there was a lot more football and a lot fewer cheesy gags than today's equivalent. Still, I know where I'd rather be on a Saturday night.
Those who watched it on Saturday will have seen some spectacular goals, as well as some post match comments that would have had a certain James Bassett menacingly rubbing his hands together and laughing maniacally. For example, Steve Bruce commented after Birmingham's game with fellow relegation fodder West Brom, "You can't defend like that at this level, or at any level for that matter, and get away with it. But we defended like that today and we got away with it". Sorry, Steve, can you or can't you?
Anyway, before I lose your interest, if it's not too late, I'll quickly about turn and face the issue I would like to open this week's article with. Mark Lawernson, who ten years ago had a moustache, said he believed that Chelsea would look to buy three players in the summer; a left back, a Ballack, and a striker who could play up front on his own. My heart sank.
He didn't have to say the word 'Yakubu' for us to know who he was referring to, but he might as well have. With Mark Viduka already looking for a move in the summer and Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink's contract set to expire, next season could see Joesph Desire-Job back from Saudi to partner Massimo 'one last chance' Maccarone. At least with that pairing we could all agree unanimously that it was awful, and the world was a much simpler place.
If Yak's impressive run sees us lift a cup this season, expect Wenger, Ferguson, Benitez and Mourinho to be knocking on Steve Gibson's door this summer. Who wouldn't want him? The formula for getting the best out of him is simple. Feed the Yak, and he will score.
Since I last wrote, an entire week ago, plenty has happened. The question is where and how to fit it all in.
I'll start at the Riverside last Thursday. As far as the attendance goes, the full house we dreamed about never materialised. Lots of people have lots of explanations as to why that was, be it high-ticket prices, the unpopularity of the competition, or that the game being shown on television. These theories offer little consolation to the fact that the attendance was disappointing, whether you were expecting such a low crowd or not.
The game itself was hardly a thriller - but the fans who were in attendance created a good atmosphere. After Yakubu stroked home the penalty as delicately as you would stroke the head of a new born child, the game became deprived of clear goal scoring opportunity, until Mark Viduka played in Gaizka Mendieta.
I won't go into detail about what happened next, or what I said as it happened (although it was something along the lines of "never mind Gaizka, old son, there's always next time") but as a result of Mendieta's finish, the game remained 1-0 and hangs in the balance as the red army set off over land and sea, and follow the Boro onto victory.
Sunday saw a reserve side turn up at the Valley for what was a dress rehearsal of the F.A. Cup quarter-final, due to be played next week. McClaren's critics were given ample material to work with as they constructed the prosecution for the defeat, while the pro-Mac fans claim that we gave their first team a very good run for their money.
Gary Linekar once said (in what I promise will be my last reference to Match of the bastard Day) that a good footy analyst tells you something that you didn't already know, or didn't see yourself.
As many fans have pointed out, footballers should be able to play more than once in the space of three days. Realistically, we know that they can. Tiredness should not be an issue. Even with Roma on Wednesday, we could have played our first team against Charlton. Is it possible that Steve McClaren has resorted to playing mind games with the opposition?
I'll explain. By playing the 'weakened' team (which could become known as our 'weekend team' if our European run continues), we were expected to lose the game anyway. The pressure was shifted onto Charlton to come out and thrash us, something that didn't happen. In fact, we dominated a match that we had no real right to, and chance for chance, we were unlucky not to get at least a point. Charlton players and fans will be well aware that they scraped past our 'B' team and that our first team will pose a much greater threat.
Had we taken our first team to the Valley and lost, it would have deflated the players for Roma and would have given Charlton the upper hand in the F.A. Cup match a week later - knowing they could beat our rejuvenated stars. This way, it not only gives players like Johnson, McMahon and Taylor further first team experience away from the pressures of the Riverside, but also gives us a psychological advantage going into the Cup game.
I'm not saying what I've said is a faultless theory, and I'm definitely not saying it's certain to work, but it might be one worth considering when scrambling around for a reason as to why we made nine changes from the side that beat Roma.
And so on to Rome. It's one I'm afraid to predict. All I know is that the red army of Boro fans will be cheering the team on for all of us who can't be in Italy on Wednesday night.
Supporting Boro this season has been like the best dream and the worst nightmare rolled into one, the unbelievable highs and the oh-so-painful lows. Pardon me if you haven't seen the film, The Matrix, but at times this season I've expected Morphius to appear, offering me a blue pill, a red pill and the following advice:
"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."
If he ever did appear, then I'd take the red pill. We're still in Europe, still in the F.A. Cup and the Geordies are within spitting distance in the league. It's not quite Wonderland, but let's see how deep the rabbit-hole goes, starting in Rome on Wednesday.
SAME TIME NEXT WEEK... UP THE BORO!!
NOW HAVE YOUR SAY IN THE NEW HOLGATE FORUM
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