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LIVERPOOL, SPURS, CITY. EUROPE? 29-4-05
Greetings. Cut the crap, there's an election on. There's enough of it out there as it is. So in the words of the Bassett, 'let's do this'.
Black and White Shite, a point is alright?
'With the kind of tainted kudos that might accompany winning a House of Commons sincerity competition, or first place in a Royston Vasey beauty contest, Middlesbrough rubber-stamped their position as the eminent club in north-east football. In short, there has not been much competition for the title.
The Teesside club edged closer to securing a UEFA Cup place after playing their full part in a festival of ineptitude which underlines the current malaise the game in this region endures.' (Jason Mellor, The Independent, 28 April 2005)
'This was a derby all right, but only of the sort partaken in by donkeys. An evening that will not be recalled for its services to enlightened football nor for a surfeit of passion and commitment, concluded with Newcastle United sharing a tame goalless draw with their North East rivals. Neither they nor Middlesbrough could claim to have deserved it; this was worthy of points deduction.' (George Caulkin, The Times, 28 April 2005).
Words from disappointed hacks who got the raw deal of being sent 300 miles from their delightful capital to report on the tiny cock of the north-east derby in relation to the pulsating prick that was the Champion's League delight of Chelsea versus Liverpool, or something more serious?
Because it's hard to know what to make of Wednesday night's dire draw at the Stadia des Skunks beyond the fact that it was a point gained on Spurs, our main rivals in the chase for that final UEFA Cup spot. And it was a vital point because should seventh place be decided on goal difference, it means that Spurs now have to win a game they could have drawn if we had lost at St James's, if you follow me. And it could be that tight.
But first of all, my apologies. I wasn't at St. James' and I pity all those who did go if it was as bad as the reports I have read suggest. But credit to all those who did because the Times, getting desperate due to the lack of anything to mention on the pitch, resorted to devoting half its match report to the reactions of the crowd, and the Boro fans came out as the most vociferous by far.
But hey, it's worth rubbing it in. After all it's not often we finish above Newcastle - which is now definite - and that at least is something to celebrate. Because wasn't that at the top of every Boro supporters hopes for the season? Granted for many it was also tied to the Skunks' relegation but hey, we need something to laugh at don't we?
And the hope on Wednesday night was that we could cement a thoroughly wretched season for them by beating them on their own patch. But alas it wasn't to be. Yet I still view Wednesday night as a point gained because it still puts pressure on Spurs. We haven't won at Newcastle for God knows how long and an away point is always a precious one in the League, irrespective of where it comes from.
Granted it was the Skunks' eighth game in 25 days, a run that had conspired to give them five straight defeats before coming into this game and one that had seen them being knocked out of both the UEFA and FA Cups in hilarious circumstances. And on the back of the Bowyer incident too.
But we're not playing that well ourselves at the moment. And I think we just have to accept it and move on. Because it's still in our own hands, and that's the most important thing.
The Darling Buds of April
What a season of two contrasting halves this has been. Back in November and December we were powering forward in the League and the UEFA Cup. We looked like we could beat anyone, we were brimming with confidence and by Christmas we had amassed the highest number of Premier League points we had ever had at that time of the season.
The press were gushing with praise over our style of attacking football and we were, unbelievably, heading for the Champions League. And then it started to fall apart. January, February and March were incredibly barren. January was bad enough with our scraping through against Notts County in the FA Cup, followed by our ten-minute capitulation at Norwich and our ninety-minute capitulation at Old Trafford.
We thought it couldn't get any worse. February was no better than average but the less said about March the better. Southampton, yes, that's the inept red and white club at the bottom of the League, to be replaced next season by another inept red and white club who will also be at the bottom of the League this time of year, came to the Riverside and beat us 3-1. What was worse was that they played their one and only tactic- the twat it at Peter Crouch method - and McClaren didn't anticipate it. Even though the rest of the country did.
Before then a dreadful Aston Villa side (yes, that's the Villa currently in ninth place in the League- proof if any was ever needed that the League is so unbelievably piss-poor this season it is almost concerning) beat us 2-0 in the worst match I think I have ever seen in the history of football, ever.
So thank God for April and the return of the Boat. I know I have been stating his integral, pivotal role to the side but the fact that this is true is about as obvious as a McClaren team formation.
Crystal Palace was a game we were expecting to lose but we were defensively comfortable. Granted they only have one tactic too, the twat it towards Andy Johnson and hope a penalty will be awarded technique but we made them look the tame first division side that they aspire to be.
Not much competition I know but against plucky battling relegation fodder we would have settled for the draw. After all, Southampton had just beaten us 3-1 at home for fuck's sake! Yet it was a necessary win if we were to have any hope of staying in contention for the UEFA Cup place that was the target at the start of the season.
An unlucky defeat at home to Arsenal and the fact that we only conceded one as opposed to the usual bucketful demonstrated further how the Boat's strong presence in midfield actually stabilises our defence. Going forward we were lacking but at least weren't shipping goals like Norwich City on the Titanic.
After all, at this stage 0-0 was still a point gained. But not being able to score against Newcastle who are about as tight as a whore's labia says everything really doesn't it?
Fulham at home. Three points guaranteed from the most anonymous team in the League and we go and cock it up. Miraculously meanwhile, so does everybody else. Spurs drawing against West Brom being one particularly hilarious result from a pointless mid-week set of fixtures, beyond edging us closer to the Holy Grail of UEFA Cup football.
Apparently we were lucky against Fulham which is worrying as they have the cutting edge of a rather blunt spoon. Or four Szilard Nemeth's for a footballing comparison.
The fact that a 4-0 home win against West Brom was far from comfortable says it all really. Indeed the word 'lucky' was often being mentioned, which to me is unfathomable. If it hadn't been for Brad Jones, our keeper extraordinaire who is undoubtedly going to be unfairly replaced by McClaren's favourite Schwarzer as soon as the Australian flapper is fit again, we could have easily have lost the game. Against a team that has Robbie Earnshaw as their main attacker! And is managed by Bryan Robson, the one man who is less tactically adept than McClaren.
But we got the luck, which was great. It's just concerning that we needed it against such a poor side. Still, we did more than Spurs could do against the same team a mere three days earlier so maybe we are doing something right after all. We'll see I suppose.
Injuries? You need Vits!
Another recurring theme, cropping up as often as a Labour lead in the election polls, but it's good to see the training staff are wanting to end the season the way they started it. By crippling everyone and just in time for their summer holidays.
Of course the fact that they've been injured most of the season and thus have had holidays already has failed to be noticed by anyone apart from me. We should play during the summer. Surely something is on? Sky need to fill their sports channels with something, don't they?
Still, Schwarzer's injury has probably been a good thing as we've now found Jones who looks like a good keeper in the making, and one that could surpass Schwarzer in ability very soon indeed. Although like with all our young players, we'll probably farm him off to Wycombe soon enough and buy another over-rated reject with a prestigious career firmly behind them. Cynical, bitter, moi? I feel like crying mate I tell you.
You see it's all in the work ethic. It says a lot. I know us Teessider's are a cynical bunch at times, indeed some would say we are bordering on the miserable, or at least cuttingly honest, at times. But the biscuit has to be taken by McClaren last week in his statement that of course it will be difficult to get 7th place because of the number of injuries we have had.
Now am I the only one who thinks that any other team in the same situation we are in, i.e. eighth at the time with it all in our own hands, would have come out fighting saying we WILL qualify for that final UEFA Cup place. That this is our goal for our season and we WILL do it. For everyone at the club. For the fans. Wouldn't this be the rhetoric that every other club would employ?
But then I forget, it's all the fans fault isn't it, the fact we had a bad run, ala McClaren, post Southampton. I just find it unbelievable that we sit back on our laurels, as our tactics against Newcastle demonstrated and lament our misfortune over injuries. Hey McClaren I have news for you. It's YOUR fault. You and the training staff. Fact.
So you get us out of the situation you have put us in because that's your job. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself, whip the boys up into a frenzy and we can go out and take a desperately average - despite their Champions League endeavours - Liverpool side on Saturday. Honestly!
It was surprising to see an injury actually on the pitch against Newcastle and I am referring to Southgate's bloody head. Hopefully he will be alright for Liverpool as he would be a great loss and the other simpering rhetoric that McClaren will undoubtedly come out with after the inevitable 2-0 gutless defeat.
That final UEFA Cup place
But it's all in our own hands. Indeed our two main rivals are Liverpool and Spurs and we still have to play both, and in the next two games. These are real six pointers and will make or break our season. We cannot bottle this. We need fighters, and we need courage. And Southgate missing for the Liverpool game would deprive us of a lot.
But we need the fans to scream, to shout and get behind the lads. One final push, it's still in our own hands. And that's the amazing thing. We're still in contention, despite how poor our results have been in 2005.
But if you look at the form of all the teams around us, all have had slumps in form. Bolton had one at Christmas, Spurs have had two, one of which was ended when they beat us at White Fart Lane and Villa, City, Charlton and Liverpool have also been far from consistent.
Everyone is beating each other, or in the case of all the aforesaid teams, drawing with each other and getting nowhere. The League is very well balanced. The fact that it's well balanced with mediocrity will be overlooked.
If we had not had our injuries we would be sitting in fourth comfortably. As it is, we have succumbed to the dips in form everyone else has suffered. Except ours has been through injuries. That's what makes the situation more galling.
To say that it's in our own hands is all well and good but we do have one of the harder run-ins. Two away games and one home, and two of these games are six-pointers and probably inevitable draws. If we assume that the race for the UEFA Cup consists of those teams currently lying between fifth and ninth - considering that Everton are too far in front of us to warrant a mention, City have difficult games against Pompey and Villa and Charlton still have to play Man Utd and Chelsea as two of their last three games - the league table and fixtures look like this:
Place |
Team |
Played |
GD |
Pts |
5 |
Liverpool |
35 |
12 |
54 |
6 |
Bolton |
35 |
6 |
54 |
7 |
Boro |
35 |
6 |
50 |
8 |
Spurs |
35 |
3 |
48 |
9 |
Villa |
35 |
-1 |
47 |
Date |
Liverpool |
Bolton |
Boro |
Spurs |
Villa |
30Apr/1 May |
Boro (h) |
Chelsea (h) |
Liverpool (a) |
Villa (h) |
Spurs (a) |
7/8 May |
Arsenal (h) |
Pompey (a) |
Spurs (h) |
Boro (a) |
Man City (h) |
15 May |
Villa (h) |
Everton (h) |
Man City (a) |
Blackburn (a) |
Liverpool (a) |
As can be seen, quite a lot of the run-ins are incestuous. Furthermore, the press stating that we are 'chasing for that last UEFA Cup spot does taint the situation slightly as Liverpool and Bolton are far from clear yet. Indeed Villa can have a big say in proceedings as they still have to travel to Spurs and Liverpool and are more than capable of nicking a point out of both games.
I accept that they are still outsiders for the UEFA Cup spot, three points behind us in seventh with a quite considerable goal difference at this stage of the season and it is unlikely that they will pip us. But they could still help us by taking points off one or both of the aforementioned teams.
For the first time in my life, I may be a Villa fan...
Meanwhile I believe that if we beat Liverpool on Saturday, and remember it is a good time to play them what with it being in the middle of the highly charged Champions League semi, they will be thrown right back into the mix as they have Arsenal after us and that will be a difficult game for them to win, despite their being at home.
Particularly as Liverpool will have played a mid-week game against Chelsea in the Champions League and Arsenal are free for the whole week. Villa at home- you'd expect them to get something out of it if they had to but it may not be easy.
Bolton meanwhile can equally be sucked into it as their run-in is by far the hardest. Chelsea will be looking to seal their championship against them and despite being tired after their Liverpool exertions Bolton can still expect a tough test.
Everton meanwhile may still need to cement that final Champions League qualification spot come the last day of the season. Pompey are never an easy team to beat at home.
Of all the run-ins, Spurs is the easiest but even then they play two of the five UEFA Cup contenders including ourselves in their last three games. But if it goes down to the last day of the season I would still fancy them to beat Blackburn at home, despite their defensive solidity, as they have little to play for.
We meanwhile have to go to City who are erratic at best. Yet we are a bogey side for them and if I were picking an away opposition for a game that we needed to win, then City would be very high on my list.
Yet that point against the Skunks may be crucial as ours and Spurs' goal differences are close and if they need to beat Blackburn by a few at home in the last game to increase the said difference, I could see them doing it. But now they need to win a game they could have otherwise have drawn and relied on GD, so the pressure has been cranked up slightly. Let's hope they are not up to it.
The final day of the season then it will be exciting as all of the contenders have games they can win but will find difficult.
But the point of all this is that the race for the UEFA Cup is not all over, nor is it necessarily between us and Spurs for that final spot. Granted, the winner of the Spurs/Boro game at the Riverside a week on Saturday will probably be almost guaranteed a place in Europe but that does not mean that the loser will not be there as there are many other permutations to consider.
Yet that game on May 7th is a crunch game and one we still must win so that we don't have to rely on others or to go down to the last game of the season and the possible disappointment that could bring, something we would all like to avoid.
It's not easy being a Boro fan but we can wrap it up. We haven't been playing well but come on lads, one more push and we can do it. And we can realise our European dreams once more. We don't want gloating Bolton fans coming over and pissing us off. I've never liked that Sam Allardyce you know.
Until next time...
Packwolf
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