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FROM ARSE TO ARSENAL 11-9-05
On the Start of the Season
Well what a mixed start to the campaign it has been. A creditable if unconvincing draw at home to the European Champions. Then a tactical - as opposed to a disciplinary, Mr Queudrue - fuck up at Tottenham that gifted our main European-chasing rivals the three points. Gift-wrapped courtesy of M. Schwarzer Wrapping Paper Incorporated - We have it Wrapped!, and a Viduka inspired domination at Birmingham which must rank as one of the most convincing away displays the Premiership has ever seen.
Unfortunately, this great result was followed by what must be the second worst performance I have ever had the misfortune to pay money to see, the worst being Villa away last season. And the main problem with the Charlton debacle was that it highlighted the fact that we have exactly the same deficiencies that we had last season.
And then the game everyone was dreading. The traditional early season fixture against Arsenal. What do we do? We go and win it, against all the odds and without two of our three first-choice forwards. What a fantastic result.
But we are still predominantly a one-man team until the new signings settle in properly. Take George Boateng out of the side and we look less confident and, quite frankly, bereft. And the frustration is that we should have learnt this lesson from last season. Boateng's absence corresponded exactly with our poor run of form and lo and behold upon his return, we go eight matches unbeaten.
This is something that even the most clueless fan cottoned on to, so why did McClaren not address this during the close season instead of going after the creative Douala's of this world? Were we linked with a defensive midfielder during the close season at all beyond the usual Hargreaves rubbish or were we just unfortunate not to obtain the services of many of our prospective targets, unreported simply because nothing actually happened?
The answers to these questions are all open to debate but whatever conclusions can be derived, the fact remains that we still have no competent cover for Boateng. 'But what about Doriva?' I hear no-one cry. Don't make me laugh, he's about as clueless as a bigamist in a nunnery. Yet for some reason McClaren persists in playing him. Why?!
I don't think there was one game last season where he had a good performance. This was highlighted against Spurs when he came on in the second half, a quite frankly baffling tactical decision from the assistant England coach behind a 1-4 defeat in Denmark.
When this is considered, perhaps we shouldn't expect too much. But to me, why he persists with Doriva is one of the unexplained mysteries of the world, like the Pyramids or why women want a conversation after sex. And I guess the answer lies in the fact that we have no one better and that McClaren really does rate him. Why else has he not tried to replace him?
Which is disturbing when we have a situations where Boateng is out because Boateng is so integral to our side that to find anyone who could compete with him for his place would be difficult. Yet generating competition for places throughout the side is exactly what we SHOULD be doing, as this is the only way to obtain a strong side.
And I don't really think Doriva is adequate competition because when put into the side, it is considerably weakened. This suggests to me that he is not good enough and that it should be something that McClaren should see. But he doesn't.
On the Summer Transfer Dealings (or lack of)
Now I'm not one to jump on a bandwagon unless it's loaded with drink and some delicately arranged salty nibbles of course, or if it can go from 0 to 60 in less than 4.8 seconds. I know the manager took a lot of stick after the Charlton debacle and rightly so, but at least he did have the honesty to admit that the performance was unacceptable.
But if it was unacceptable then the same question about his summer transfer dealings rears its head. Because not only was the Boateng factor so vividly highlighted last season but the fact that we have also lost Zenden means that midfield must have been top priority. Surely?
Once Zenden decided to up sticks and go on bench warming duty on the Costa del Scouse you would have thought that MIDFIELD would have screamed out to McClaren like the offspring of a 14 year-old chav in a supermarket.
Yet he did not buy ANYONE whose primary role could be in midfield, not until the very last day of August anyway. This is even more disturbing when reports from the friendly matches kept reiterating the fact that we looked weak in midfield and this was a full six weeks before the transfer window shut!
I know little can be discerned from friendly matches but they are a good way to judge how well a team could play together and to assess any possible weaknesses. Yet the weakness in midfield is something McClaren seems to have missed. Why? It wasn't as if he was busy over the close season. After all he wasn't making signings left right and centre, was he?
The Yak transfer had been completed by the end of last season, making the Pogatetz deal the only one to go through during the summer months. And, although I admit that was complicated, particularly with respect to the suspension fiasco, I hardly think it took up all of McClaren's time. Which again begs the question therefore, why weren't there more signings?
The problem with trying to work this out is the near impossibility of separating the tabloid bullshit from the true goings-on behind the scenes. But even if we bring in the tabloid bullshit we have very little to talk about.
The annual Owen Hargreaves link was made around July but was quickly rebuffed by the man himself, much to the relief of most people on Teesside I would guess. After all we already have one useless midfielder without adding another one.
The Douala thing happened of course, in which we had a tussle with Newcastle as to see who was the bigger north-east club with Douala eventually settling for erm, Lisbon. And that's about it really. So why no one else?
McClaren kept saying that offers were made and that they just didn't want to come? Why? A fledgling European pedigree, UEFA Cup action this season and football in the (allegedly) most attractive league in the world. Surely Boro have a lot to offer?
Throw in our state of the art training ground and surely we are a very attractive proposition. Indeed the only reason I can think of that would have stopped players from joining us was if they saw the landmines and hand grenades strewn around the training pitch, along with the various remains that used to be a footballer called Malcolm Christie, now the training staff's number one practice target.
Either that or they had problems coming to terms with the nature of the town. Now I've made a passionate defence of my hometown in many a column before this one. The people are fantastic and the place unique but outsiders do not appreciate this. For some reason it does not translate. And for this reason it may be slightly harder for us to attract the crème of the foreign players.
It's not the glamour of London, nor is it really a large vibrant city but as far as I'm concerned, it sure beats Bolton. But despite this it means that we have to try that little bit harder to convince players to come and I wonder if the management at the Boro have done this on this occasion?
I am sure they have tried their best to lure the players they wanted to sign but maybe their tactics are wrong? Maybe they should reassess their techniques? Or perhaps their targets because there was not one fresh name being linked to Boro throughout the close season. It was all the usual players, all present and correct (Yakubu, Hargreaves etc.) or players who happened to play well on one-off games against us (Pogatetz, Douala).
Which begs another important question. Where the hell are our scouts? Why don't we ever get any surprises in terms of the players coming in? And why don't we risk a million on a good solid Championship player and see what happens? Or indeed anyone unexpected and varied. I'm just bored of being linked with the same bloody players time after time, players who are either shit or played well against us once, in a one-off game against a very weak Boro side.
Weak I may add due to the lack of tactical nous in the management system to notice that we had no adequate cover for Boateng thus necessitating a dip into the transfer market.
It's so blindingly obvious it's enough to make you scream louder than Faria Alam at FA Headquarters!
And just when you think it couldn't get any more frustrating, we swoop for and obtain Rochemback around five hours before the transfer window closes. Why the hell didn't we do this earlier? With that efficiency God knows how strong we could have become.
It was all such a shock. Of course I don't know how long negotiations had lasted because the press weren't as informed on this one as at other times - when the usual suspects were being touted - but it came as a welcome surprise. And after that, we go and sign Xavier, which is not a bad signing but one which I expect most fans would be ambivalent over.
Indeed all I can remember of him is that he had a stupid goatee and kept making mistakes when he played for Everton. Still, he can hardly be worse than Reiziger who baffingly, has been taken by PSV. That's right, a regular Champions League club.
Did they not see Reiziger's performance at Arsenal last season? That's the kind of calibre they want, is it? Ah well, good luck to them. And to Reiziger himself to be honest. Maybe he just didn't adapt to English football. Maybe he is just a good player in the twilight of his career, but as far as I am concerned it is a good thing he has left us. After all, it never really worked did it?
Plus his starting whenever available was another symptom of the McClaren favourite policy which baffled me and presumably everybody else. So at least we have to endure this a little less this season. Maybe.
Either way let's just hope Xavier can cut it because in the right-back position we still do not have great cover. I've never been convinced by Parnaby and McMahon seems to have disappeared into the ether. Which is a shame really as he can consider himself extremely unlucky to be have been replaced by Reiziger upon the Dutchman's return.
Meanwhile the signing of Rochemback finally means that we have a midfielder, and one of the right age too. However as I know very little about this guy I will reserve comment for the moment. His debut was solid yesterday but let's see hwo he does over the next few weeks. Hopefully he can continue to add a much needed burst of creativity to the midfield now that Downing is out for three months.
Yet despite this, what with the Boateng situation, maybe we want him to play defensively in midfield. Whatever, we still need at least one more midfielder, if not two to generate more strength in depth. Meaning my criticism of McClaren still stands, even after yesterday's result. So there!
On the Upcoming
The start of a new feature, or at least a regular section in this column. And first we have Arsenal at home. He he he! What a great fixture in which to bounce back after a 3-0 home defeat. It got the players up for it which was obviously a good thing but if Boateng hadn't been playing and Henry had, I dread to think what Arsenal might have done to us.
It could have been even more humiliating than the 6-1 win they obtained at the Riverside about five years back. The way Charlton carved us open with ease, and at home, sends ominous signs to our prospects for the rest of the season. Some fans - being typical Boro pessimists - were talking about relegation after only four games into the season. All I can say is that that won't happen, as demonstrated by the great Arsenal victory.
For a start the Villa away performance last season was worse than the Charlton mess. The only difference was that only 1,000 Boro fans had to endure the former as opposed to 26,000. A team is always going to deliver one bad performance in a season and hopefully we have got it out of our system and are now fully back on track with a positive performance against the annual runners-up of the League.
But the point remains that we were worse at Villa and didn't go down, so there's no reason why we should do this season. Furthermore, no team that can dominate a team like we did at Birmingham, a decent, solid mid-table side should really get relegated. If we did it then, then there's no reason why we can't do it again.
However the inconsistency that we have seen at the start of this season does not bode well for our European ambitions. It's beginning to look like a disappointing erratic mid-table season is on the cards, with the usual fourth round knockout in the FA Cup and if we are stoked enough, the last 32 of the UEFA again. Hopefully not but we will see.
Wigan away will be tough, battling to get each and every ball and I can even see them overrunning our midfield if the Boat is not anchored in the middle of it. A test but a game I would be disappointed with if we did not win it.
But at least we have Sunderland at home towards the end of the month. A local derby I know but a guaranteed three points, surely? Unless of course they haven't got any points by the time they play us - which is likely- by which time we will probably gift them something. Ooh you pessimist! And we have Europe to come against an unheard of Greek outfit. Should be pedestrian. Shouldn't it?
Until next time
Packwolf.
P.S. Good to see that the training methods are continuing in the same vein as last season. Downing goes in for three-month operation at the start of the season as opposed to the end of last season. So instead of missing only a handful of games for us he will miss around half of a season. You've got to love that logic. Or luck, whatever it may be...
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