|
|
THE COLOUR OF BUTTERCUPS IN THE SNOW 13-10-04
Just as the sheer tedium of another international week was threatening to overrun our senses and send us headlong into an abyss of terminal mind numbing boredom, good old Leicester City throw up the most entertaining news story of the week. Yes folks- he's back from the grave. The one, the only, the man who the words cluelessness and incompetence were invented for- I give you Howard Wilkinson.
Back in the Stone Age, Wilko was quite a good manager who actually guided Leeds to the title and also did some pretty good work with Sheffield Wednesday who were, believe it or not, fairly good in those days. In the decade that has passed since Leeds fired him for being overtly charismatic, Wilkinson has made two major contributions to English football. First, he ruined a really great England U-21 side by firing the best manager the team had ever had in Peter Taylor. Wilkinson thought that there was another outstanding candidate for the job and replaced Taylor with... Howard Wilkinson, who then went on to lead the team into a downwards spiral. Nice one Howard. Peter Taylor is now back, trying to repair the damage that the blundering Wilkinson created.
After the England debacle, Wilkinson delivered a brilliant sales pitch to Bob Murray when the latter foolishly consulted him about the vacant Sunderland manager's job. This sales pitch resulted in him 'reluctantly accepting' the post and then being fired six months later with the players' comments of 'couldn't motivate a fish to jump into water' ringing in his ears. Sunderland finished with twenty three points, the lowest ever total for a Premiership club ever and are only now, two years later, starting to recover.
After surviving the experiences of La Manga, administration and relegation, Leicester should be able to cope with most things that can be thrown at them and I wish them the best of luck. However I fear that if he is given free reign, Wilkinson will leave them in a situation that will require a great deal more than luck to escape from. Whatever was Dave Bassett thinking of?
Howard predicts how many months it will take him to be sacked this time around.
Whilst we are on the subject of former managers, watch out for news of Kenny Dalglish's imminent return to a managerial hot seat - Southampton? - because over the last fortnight, Dalglish's name has cropped up on several occasions in the tabloid press and usually within a special feature highlighting his footballing achievements and golf handicap.
The other common denominator in the articles is the question that is inevitably posed to the man himself, i.e. 'Do you think that you will be returning to football management in the future?' His 'closely guarded' answer says it all and the increasing presence of Dalglish in the papers is clearly there as a warm up act designed to leave the readers hungry for more. Dalglish will be back in a manager's job before the end of the season as he begins his quest to become the first ever manager to win the title with three different clubs.
Dalglish to return before the season is out
It is noted with interest that our old pal Gazza is also currently in the news on a regular basis and the latest utterings to emerge from Planet Gascoigne were of a philosophical nature. In an attempt to break with the past, Gazza says that he doesn't want to be called Gazza anymore and doesn't want to be referred to as Paul either.
"I need a new first name. I want to separate from the past. I'm a different person now. I'm not Paul Gascoigne and I'm not Gazza.' said Gazza on Monday. He did not however, make clear what he would like to be addressed as but maybe Sunday Times' Alison Kervin, the happy hack who broke the story has the answer. But strangely this bombshell wasn't what had Kervin startled. Something else had caught her eye.
'The difference between the Gascoigne of today and the Gascoigne of two years ago is staggering. First, there is his size - he is incredibly lean. Quite sinewy. Even his face has slimmed down, making his cheekbones look high and strong, giving him a bold, masculine profile that clashes quite alarmingly with his hair - the colour of buttercups in the snow.' And there's more.
'He has dyed it the palest blonde around the outside and yellow in the centre. In an extraordinary move, he has also coloured his facial hair to match it - an exercise that must have demanded staggering levels of concentration and precision.'
So can we recommend that 'The Colour of Buttercups in the Snow' would serve perfectly as his new moniker because somehow, we don't think 'Fuck off Norway' will look so good on his passport.
Until next week...
BACK TO STEVE G INDEX
|
|
|
|
