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CHARLIE PLAYS FOR CHELSEA 20-10-04
They both have seven letters, they both begin with the letter C and they are both as inextricably linked as Bill and Ben, Laurel and Hardy and Morecambe and Wise but the latter C is nowhere near as funny.
Yes, cocaine and Chelsea have become very comfortable bed partners in the last few years and today Mark Bosnich demonstrated a sense of timing that he never showed when he was in-between the sticks at Stamford Bridge.
It was reported on the BBC site that Bosnich, who has not played since he was banned in January 2003 for testing positive for cocaine has told The Daily Express that he is now ready to play again.
"I'm clean and have been for eight weeks," quotes the daft Aussie who once gave a Nazi salute at White Hart Lane. Well surely if Bosnich was still doing coke two months ago, then another ban is in order? Why has nobody else picked up on this?
Mutu after sticking another fat one up his nose
Bosnich made another classic statement during the same interview. "When people like Bryan Robson say 'Why don't you start playing again?', you have to listen." Indeed. We all know that Bryan always was into the stars of yesteryear, as demonstrated by his final two seasons at Boro. Maybe Bosnich could get a game when Robbo is appointed manager of Rotherham? Or maybe he should just move to Romania? Either way, Chelsea have a problem that is threatening to lay waste to their ambitions.
Before the hate mail from South West London starts arriving, I must point out that I am well aware that cocaine use is not exclusive to the Stamford Bridgers. I must also point out that I am not necessarily against its use and do not believe for one second that it is 'performance enhancing'. Having said that, the rules are crystal clear and state that if you take cocaine, you get banned, it's that simple and whatever I think or believe will not change that.
They snort it through £50 notes at Chelsea. Wonder if Mourinho has tried it?
A long while before Robbie Fowler got into a whole pile of trouble for snorting the touchline a few years ago, I was told that Arsenal were quite close to signing him but had backed out when they discovered that he was into the white powder in quite a big way. I was told that by an agent of Liverpool Football Club, Fowler's employers at the time and I was also furnished with details of how he would meet fellow players and collect supplies from an establishment just around the corner from where we were drinking that night. We happened to be in SW7 at the time, less than twenty minutes walk from Stamford Bridge.
Staying in West London, I used to have a lot of respect for former Fulham manager Jean Tigana. That was until this week when reports surfaced of a meeting between Tigana and Mohamed Al Fayed that took place last year. Apparently, the latter was allegedly so aggressive that Tigana had to leave the room because and I quote, 'I had actually started to cry'. In the light of this revelation, only one assumption can be made and only one conclusion drawn from the situation and that is that Jean Tigana is a big wuss, a jessie and a girl's blouse. No more to say on that one really.
The only Boro manager ever to win a major trophy was at The Northern Football Writer's Dinner a few days ago and was presented with a special award for winning the Carling Cup. As he made his way to the podium, a voice boomed out, "Lucky bastard!" The owner of that voice was a certain Big Fat Sam Allardyce, who is most certainly the sorest loser ever to be inflicted upon this planet by a long, long way. Is this big mouthed ignoramus ever going to shut up about his defeat by Boro in the Cup Final? When is he going to realise that bad losers are afforded no respect at all from their peers and that he is in danger of alienating himself from his very own supporters if he doesn't start acting with a little more dignity. Shut up whingeing Allardyce- McClaren isn't lucky at all. He just has a better team than you.
Souness wipes the coke fragments away during a game at Stamford Bridge
And finally, former Boro midfielder Graeme Souness made a vow to clean up the Toon this week. Souey was rocked into action when utility man Craig Bellamy called him a 'fucking prick' after the Welsh wanker was substituted at The Valley on Sunday. Souness is absolutely right to say that the fine start to his tenure has been overshadowed by the constant reporting of controversial incidents. But if he really wants to clean up his club's act, then he should go and have a word with his chairman because an organisation that is riddled with bad behaviour is usually taking its example right from the very top.
Until next week...
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