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BIG LAWRY'S REGIONAL ROUND UP 19-8-05
Now then, yer alright? Well the first weekend of the Premiership has been and gone like a thief wearing tights on yer bank holiday day off.
The toon as I predicted are a bag of shite and were lucky to get 0 in a 2-0 defeat at the Arsenal. That chairman of there's seems to think he can get Michael Owen to sign for 'em but there is more chance of him doing a runner with wor mother in law to Blackpool for a dorty weekend than him signing for them daft twats up the road.
So you lot- well I watched them highlights on Sky of your game like and it was shite. Sorry lads but I didn't see anything in that performance at all to suggest to me that yer gonna set anywhere alight this season. Other than maybe the bonfire we do for the bairns at the liberal club on guy faulks night, if ya follow me like.
You lot just lack a bit of penetration from behind. Plenty of experience there but no one is standing erect and ready to perform for you. So I can't hold any hope for yous I am afraid to say.
Anyway, as I predicted Charlton proved that they are one of the top teams in the country and beat us. Fair dos. As I say we tried our hardest and did all we could but against a quality team like that it was just not enough.
I mean out of the three teams we had the hardest game on paper. And I think Charlton will once again be fighting for the title. We looked OK at times but as soon as Charlton had a player sent off they stepped it up a gear and beat us 3-1.
Now I know what yer thinking. "Big Lawry is pissed outta his heed like", but I tell yer now right we are a quality side and with our sell out crowds and not to mention the free tickets we give away, I am sure we will soon get the 19 points that we need for safety.
Yer see Sunderland in my book are like a sleeping giant. All ready to ride the waves of football to glory unlike the fucking toon and you lot.
So what else happened this week? Well the Pools got a good win I see and they looked as sharp as a leather jacket on the market, so I hear from my man in the Pools camp.
Darlo didn't do to great this weekend but they still are looking OK and big Davie Hodgson is sorting them out like a bisexual barbers shop, as any old Sunderland player would.
I see the England played Denmark this week got stuffed 4-1 and Alan Smith told Sven to fuck off. Well good on the lad. It's about time some one teld that daft sod where to go.
I think young Alan should be one of super Mick McCarthy's transfer targets like. A young blond lad with plenty of flair, he goes at it hard and always comes off the winner. Just the kind of lad I like to see perform up my box.
Anyway after the Sunderland game on Saturday, I quite rightly went out for a few pints down the club like, to have a bit of crack and that. So I was in there talking football as I do and the whole club was engrossed by my astounding football knowledge.
The club had booked one of them drag artists to sing for the lads like. Well bugger me with a jam jar. What a good turn that lass put on. She sang all the old family favourites and I was enjoying myself so much that one of the lads asked me if I would like to give a her a reach around. I thought he meant one of them cocktails they sell behind the bar so I said aye I would, and then he pissed himself laughing. So fuck knows what he was on. Probably on them funny pills or somat.
So I got meself home after a cracking night's entertainment and wor lass was going mental. She had the mother in law round and I was supposed to be home at 8 cause she had the tea on like but I didn't know did I? Who does she think I am? A basterd mind reader like Lionel Blair?
So this weekends footie review by Big Lawry
Sunderland travel to Liverpool buoyed by the tremendous sprit we showed last week and I am sure that Liverpool will be shocked by our hard and rampant passion as we come all over them. So its Liverpool 1 Sunderland 2.
The toon are at home to West Ham and both teams are as wank as that Channel 5 shite wor lass watches on a dinnertime. Toon have half the team injured and West Ham have Teddy Sheddinham who is older then wor mother in law I think. So I say Toon 0 West Ham 1.
So Boro. You lot have a hard one playing the Spurs and they have that daft Dutch twat who wears his swimming goggles while playing. Somat not right in the head there if ya ask me like.
But you lot are a tough unit to break down like and I cant see any action in this one lads. Spurs 0 Boro 0.
Pool have Warsaw at home and it looks a good game from my position, so I think it will be a tight scoring draw like Big John from the club's greenhouse porn collection. Pools 2 Warsaw 2.
Darlo go fishing at Grimsby and I think they will net a few points as well as catch some crabs and lobsters down there on the south coast. So its Grimsby 0 Darlo 1.
So that's about me for this week. Am off to Dixons to get on of them plasma screen tv things as I just got some back dated money of the social like.
Mind you speaking of the social, we got some new neighbours and they are all on the social the scrounging basterds. I woudnt give em nothing, me like.
So see ya next week then.
Up the Black Cats.
Big Lawry.
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