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BIG LAWRY'S REGIONAL ROUND UP 9-9-05
Now then yer smog monsters. Yer alreet? Well last week it was the family holiday like so I had to take the wife and mother-in-law to Butlins in Skegness.
So my apologies for not being around to commisserate with yer for you lot for getting smashed 3-0 at home to Charlton. I watched that game in the bar on holiday and you lot where shite, big time.
I have seen more movement from an old trout on a donkey when it has the ten bob bits than your midfield. Mind you that guy you got from Lisbon is OK. What's his name? Rollingback or something? You need something to give you a spark up the back passage from defence to midfield.
Well now then what about that Michael Owen business then? I was as fucking shocked as a cunt in the swimming pool when I heard that he had signed for the cartoon army. The lad must be either mad or a lesbian.
I mean why else would he want to sign for the biggest laughing stock in world football? They still have not scored a goal so far this season and they can have all the strikers in world football but their defence is as wank as putting your balls in a vice and setting them on fire while watching Neighbours, if ya follow me like.
Sunderland continued with their plan of lulling the Premiership into a false sense of security by losing to every team first time round. The last thing the other teams will expect will be us to beat 'em in the return game, later on in the season like.
With that plan in mind I see us picking up around mid December. Mind you, against Wigan we tried and failed miserably. I can't remember the last time I saw two teams as bad as that. Must have been Boro v Newcastle last season.
Pools 'n Darlo have been having mixed fortunes of late I see. Pool are not holding it out long enough for it to touch the sides. But Darlo have got a footing and look good for a fisting come Christmas time.
Butlins was a bag of shite 'n wor lass gave me some stick all bastard week about how much time I was spending in the bar watching Sky Sports.
There was a nice couple of lads from York who I met in the bar called Rupert and Jermaine and they invited me back to their chalet for a bit of a drink one night. Funny thing was they liked holding hands and kissing each other once back there.
A bit strange if you ask me and they only had a one bedroom chalet! So one of 'em must of slept on the sofa. Mind you, I had a right good skin full that night and woke up with me trousers round me ankles and me ringpiece was killing me. So wot the fuck I was doing while pissed that night is beyond me.
So what else? Oh yeah, England last night! What a box of wank biscuits that was. For fuck's sake I mean how much more are we going to put up with a foreigner in charge of the England team? We need a good solid Englishman to take over like Martin O'Neill or George Graham and sort out the bloody mess that daft sod has made.
And I tell you who I blame. Sammy Lee, the short arse twat. I reckon he is to blame for all the mess in the England camp. What the fuck does he do apart from look like a cunt next to Sven on the bench? I would love to meet him down the club and spank his nice little firm arse until he begs for mercy.
So anyway let's have a look at this week's fixtures with your host Big Lawry.
You lot have the Arsenal at home. I think you will improve on the last home game but I fancy the Gunners not to fire any blanks and shoot right up your end while leaving you breathless. So its Boro 0 The Arsenal 2.
The Toon have Fulham at home and after his wank performance last night, young Owen will be keen to show his balls off to the Gallowgate End. But Fulham have a battling spirit in 'em these days and won't be a pushover like a virgin from Gateshead. I say a score draw and a goal for Owen on his home debut in spite of him being a silly sod and signing for that bag of shite. Toon 1 Fulham 1.
So I hear you snigger like a tramp on meths at us and our trip to Chelsea eh? Well I think a shock is in order here. We have got the shit between our teeth and I'm looking for a tough hard encounter that will lift our selves on top and get us pumping away for the rest of the season. Chelsea have a touch of class but the bigger they are the harder they shoot themselves in the town hall car park. I say Chelsea 1 Sunderland 2.
So it's the battle of the Pools in League One this weekend and I think blackpool will be needing the life guard to perform mouth to mouth as Hartlepool come out the winners in a tight sweaty enocounter. So its Blackpool 0 Pools 1.
Darlo are on fire at the moment like one of them rampant kangaroo bush on fire things I see on TV. I fancy them big time against a decent but young Mansfield side. Darlo will run out the victors here like Doctor Who against the Cybermen but without the tinfoil hats. Mansfield 0 Darlo 3.
So that's about me for this week. I'm gonna watch a bit of the cricket today I fancy. Mind you wor lass is on about some shelves I need to put up for her in the kitchen but she can do that herself after she has grouted the bathroom tiles, the lazy cow.
See ya soon
And remember that it is only Sunderland who can say that "We are the Sunderland!"
Big Lawry
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