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BIG LAWRY'S DERBY SPECIAL 22-9-05
Hello and welcome all you Boro fans. Are you ready to take on the might of the Black Cats?
I am looking forward with great excrement to the game this weekend. It has been a long time since Sunderland had a derby and we are all on the crest of a wave after our cracking performance last Saturday when we drew 1-1 with high flying West Brom.
We looked class and some of our fans thought we were watching Brazil because we played that good.
And again last night in the Carling Cup we performed like men possessed. And don't be fucking laughing 'cause we only played Cheltenham for fuck's sake. They were a good team man and they held their own for a long time before we broke the hard resistance and stuffed them 1-0 like a Christmas turkey.
So what else? Well you lot where fucking shite against Wigan. Your boss seems to have become obsessed with playing players all over the fucking shop. What's next? Southgate in goal? Viduka fit? Now that would be a shock.
Mind you that big cunt up front Yakubabara or whatever is looking sharp and I fancy he will bang a couple out over a few teams this year.
Did you see the toon? Well I think they are shite meself and 3-0 was not the game I was watching. Owen grabbed his first but apart from him the rest of 'em are wank.
Some of the defending at times reminds me of watching the Keystones Cops when I was a bairn. I can't see the toon doing anything this season at all. They will be sitting mid table like a dirty whore with a smelly crotch.
So as I said Sunderland have finally got a point and last night we grabbed a win. So in my book that makes us the form team in the north east. Confidence is sky high right now and I am well happy with Big Mick taking my advice to get the lads to play hard and don't take anything from behind.
So the Hartlepool did alright against top of the table Welsh twats Swansea, drawing 2-2. That fat Scouse poof for Swansea scored twice I see. Pool need to kick on now that they have sorted themselves out after a sticky start. They are rising like a python coming up the dirt track on its way home.
Darlo shocked me by losing at home to Oxford. Did you see the crowd? Fucking hell, talk about empty stadiums. Free tickets are the way ahead and Sunderland thought of it first and who said Mackems where thick like? Darlo slipped up but never mind. I still see them doing OK and I should know with my vast footballing knowledge.
Anyway on me doctor's advice like I decided to go swimming like for a bit of exercise like. And what a fucking carry on I had.
So I go down that leisure centre place and get changed into me trunks but as I do, I notice they're a bit tight like. I must admit I have put a few pounds on since I last went swimming like.
Anyway as I make me way into the pool I notice that I am getting all funny looks off the women like and I think it must be me animal magnetism and the fact that I am a fine figure of a man. Anyway I am just about to take the plunge and the life guard taps me on me shoulder and says "ya balls are hanging oot".
So I look down and I couldn't believe it lads, honest. I was never so embarrassed, ever. I never told wor lass but word soon spread and she heard off that gobshite next door that I was exposing myself down the pool. I haven't been outta the house since.
Anyway, let's have a look at this weeks games then. It's derby time at the Riverside and the smogs have a rare chance to see a real football tean and not one of these poncy foreign outfits that you lot have turned into.
The Black cats have some good hard young men who can go for hours when the heat is on. So I think we will give you a real roasting myself. You lot have had a knack of beating us over the years but I do fancy the worm has turned and fucked off to Wearside now.
I see that Rollingback fella pulling a few strings for ya but that's it. So I am going for a Sunderland victory 'cos we have turned the corner now. Boro 1 Sunderland 3.
The toon are shite and no mistake. They have a decent Man City side to face and there is only one winner of this one and it is not the barcodes. Funny because I think that lot need a shopping trip to Tesco to buy some bog roll after they shit themselves in the foot again with the defences calamities. I say Toon 0 Man City 2.
Hartlepool travel to Chesterfield and I see them making full use of the fact that Chesterfield have a bent spiral and running out the winners here in a fairly comfortable fashion. Like Maggie, that fat cow from the club who somehow manages to win the bingo every basterd week.
I suspect foul play myself. I go for Chesterfield 0 Hartlepool 2.
Darlo have a tricky encounter at Bristol Rovers and I am not sure about this one. Darlo look a bit fragile of late and need a kick up the bollocks. Bristol Rovers are a funny team and I don't mean they tell jokes and that, although if they did they might be a better outfit all together and entertain a few people.
Like old Bobby Thompson. He was a Mackem ya know? 'Erm, what was I saying? Ah fuck it. I go for Bristol Rovers 1 Darlo 1.
So that's another piece of fine sporting journalism completed for this week. Just don't tell the social I do this, ok? They will never believe a man of my talents does this for free just to entertain the smogs.
So I will see ya on Sunday. I will be wearing a red and white scarf, so you won't be able to miss us.
Up the Sunderland
We are sunderland and you're not.
Big Lawry.
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