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BIG LAWRY'S REGIONAL ROUND UP 13-10-05
Now then yer Boro lads. Did you see that England performance on Saturday? What a shower of shite. I was embarrassed to call meself an English man, which is more than yer can say for that daft sod who is supposed to be in charge.
I mean Peter Crotch, England centre forward? That bloke couldn't hit a barn door with a beach ball. And now they are all chuffed to bits about us qualifying for the World Cup.
Well to me its like celebrating winning a raffle to have yer bollocks chopped off. We won't get a sniff in Germany and its sad because we do have some great hot young lads in our mits.
So that's my take on the England scene. Mind you I did tell yer that the score would be 1-0 so don't blame me if you never got yerself down the bookies and banged one out on his counter at odds of 5 to 1.
I got a nice little return of that one but manged to make a mess of my load by laying on the big one at York later on where my jockey went off too early and didn't push on with his whip hand in the final length.
Now it's been a while but the real hard action starts up again this weekend. And I for one am looking forward to seeing the might of Sunderland take on all comers in the race for glory.
Big Mick has been talking to the press this week and he reckons we are well on course for safety after our recent run of form that has seen us rise into European contention. At least I think that's what he said anyway.
Michael Owen has wasted no time in settling in up in Jawdee land by talking bollocks about them being a top club and all that shite we hear week in week out from fat Freddie Shepherd.
They must give lessons up there on how not to face reality and talk utter shite. Poor deluded fans they are. You would never hear me talking with such blind opticians.
So you lot. Well after that win at Villa you must be wondering where you go next? Well to me you lot remind me of that TV show The Professionals. You have all the main characters and players but there is no plot no matter how many explosions go off and transit fans your team jump out of. If you follow me that is.
Hartlepool and Darlo are both in good sprits after they won their last games and I stick with my prediction that both will finish in the play offs this season.
This week our window cleaner peeped through the bedroom window whilst doing his rounds and caught me looking at one of them porn sites on me computer like. So I slipped him twenty quid and told him to keep his gob shut and have a drink on me.
So I was in the club on Saturday and Barry says to me "I see that window cleaner is pissed again. He has been knocking back the drinks tonight and flashing his cash at the bar."
So I told Barry no wonder as I slipped him twenty quid the other day. So Barry says "Twenty quid? He must have seen you coming." Bastard window cleaner. I told him not to say owt.
So lets have a look at this weeks big games then.
I will start with Newcastle because they are shite. They have a Saturday lunchtime trip to Wigan and I see wigan making a meal of the black and white trash like the dustman on his way to the pictures with a young friend.
No problems here for Wigan at all. Owen will be knackered and half the team are injured with bad hamstrings which seems all very convenient to me. Wigan 2 Newcastle 0.
You lot have a tea time kick off at home against Pompey and don't think I am all funny when I say I fancy you to put one over the boys from Hull.
I have a feeling that you may have had a kick in the head and jumped into the pond after we took you roughly from behind the other week. So I go for... Boro 1 Pompey 0.
So we move on swiftly to the big game of the weekend in the Premiership, Sunderland v Man utd. I predict a close game but Man U of late have looked as likely to win anything as Fat Freddy Shepherd is to walk past a Spanish brothel.
We have looked as sharp as a pint of cider in a bird's nest. So I reckon this could be our '66 World Cup final. Without Geoff Hurst mind.
I go for, and no laughing ya buggers... Sunderland 1 Man Utd 0.
So if your still with me and not rolling around the floor I will move onto the other teams in the north east. Hartlepool have a trip to Notts Forest, the once double intruders of the European Cup.
Forest started bad but have picked up and will be looking to continue a thrust up the shaft of the table. So its up to Pool's hard young men to get themselves up and ready to perform, come the whistle. I fancy a draw in this one so my money is going on Forest 1 Pools 1.
Now then, Darlo have a tricky trip to Bury to contend with. This is another game I see swinging both ways but my loyalties lie with the local lads before I go with anyone else.
So I will say Darlo will just nibble the cherry and take the bite of three points all the way back to the stupid massive stadium they have built themselves.
Well that's me for this week. I'm gonna go and have a few pints in that new Blue Oyster bar up the road. It looks like a hard working men's place.
And remember there is only one Sunderland who can say...
We are Sunderland.
Big Lawry
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