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Lawrence Fullwell
The Northeast's top football writer.
Now then yer old smoggies. Big Lawrence is back to fill you in with all the hot info on Football.
Well what a weekend of action that was eh? By 8 o'clock Saturday I was as pissed as a fart down the club. What a session that was I tell ya.
Oh aye and all the teams in the region who played that day had lost so I had an excuse to tell wor lass that I was in a state of grave shock after the results and needed to have a drink with all the boys.
And after seeing Sunderland get a right spanking from Aston Villa I had a few large ones lubricate me throat like.
And on the subject Sunderland, I just can't understand how we can drop all we earned after some cracking performances. I mean we beat Cheltenham in the Carling cup and we beat you lot so we can't be that bad can we?
But it seems to me that we have hit a brick wall and no bugger has got a sledge hammer to break it down. Mind you it feels like no one has brought a nice packed lunch either with a scotch egg, such is the hunger and desire to rub ourselves off in the Premier League and not go down at the first opportunity like.
One thing that always cheers me up no end, apart from when wor lass gans round her mother's for the evening is when the mighty Newcastle get a good stuffing. So I wasn't disappointed when I saw the result from Stamford Bridge.
Again it proved to me that the jawdees up the road just are not what they think they are. But they know that we know that they think they are and that is the funny thing because we know that they know that we know that they think they are a big club and all that bollocks, if yer follow me like.
So a 3-0 defeat and that takes the gloss of the gloom of Sunderland's defeat and we can all settle down to watch the Boro on Sunday.
So that is what I did. After a few pints in the social I nipped to the Red Lion for a couple and then I got a taxi to see Trev in the Dog and Duck for a few and anyway from what I remember about your game you lot played in red and you seemed to be playing England so I said to Trev "Which one is Wayne Rooney?" And he said "Man U ain't playing yer daft twat. It's Boro v Fulham." So I was well confused I tell yer. So after all that who ever the hell you played you went and won 3-2 and it was a decent game.
Anyway moving swiftly on, both Hartlepool and Darlo lost this weekend and it was a shame to see old Pools lose after they have shown signs of getting an erected position right up in the table.
Darlo have well and truly shot there bolt and look all knackerd like a tiger that has been drinking Special Brew instead of Um Bongo. They drink that in the congo like.
I think my early season predictions for both clubs have been scorned by a few but I still have high hopes that the second half of the season will be a reacharound in events.
So anyway this week I have been busy as hell. We had the wife's sister stay as wor lass had a bit of an accident like so I was rushing here there and every bloody where for this, that and the bastard other.
Wor sister-in-law seemed to get me confused with a husband who does stuff like them "new age men" I read about in the paper, doing all the washing and the ironing and that. Load of bloody puffs if you ask me like. I mean what do you get married for if you have got to fix the tiles on the roof yerself eh lads? You don't buy a dog and bark yourself, that's what my old man always said to me. And anyway its not my fault she is scared of heights and fell fourty foot is it? I told her to watch herself up there.
So lets have a look at this weeks big games than eh?
I will start with Sunderland as we are without the best team in the region. If you don't count this seasons results that is.
We have Brum at home and I think this could be the one we have wanted for a home win. Brum are as much use as a chocolate tea pot right now and I think we just might be the hot stuff to melt 'em. I really fancy this one myself and I would have a bet but me incapacity has run out again after all the drinking I did last week.
But still if I was a gambling man and I fancied a flutter I would be backing us to stick one right up the Brum, leaving nothing to the imagination like. So I go for Sunderland 2 Brum 0.
Right then Newcastle have Everton away. And Everton have shown signs of flickering to life of late. After such a poor start we nearly took over em and that's saying somat I tell yer. Mind you they got a right shafting from West Brom...
But Newcastle are not the best travellers at all and they'll need more than Cliff Richards' jolly holiday big red bus carry on to get something out of this one I tell yer. Owen might not play as he is fed up of doing all the work himself probably and that big girl's blouse Shearer is injured still so that to me says. Everton 1 Newcastle 0.
Right then, you lot welcome back your old boss and mackem Bryan Robson. But I don't see you lot extending any old boy back slapping routine unless he brings Mikkel Beck with him. Yakuburu is banging em left right and centre and Jimmy Floyd Hasselhoff looks sharp at the moment. Mind you Viduka has hibernated for the winter again I see, bless him eh.
West Brom had a great win last week, cracking one out all over Everton but I can't see you lot messing this one up unless your European hang over kicks in, like the one I had Monday morning. Bloody hell I tell yer my arse was like a blood orange.
So I go for Boro 2 West Brom 0.
So what of the other teams in the region this weekend? Hartlepool have Bradford away and Bradford have only lost two out of twelve in the league so Pool need to keep their cards close to their pets if they want to grab hold of Bradford and nail one into em.
This is a true test of how much Pool want to finish in the play offs again and against a tough unit like this one they have every chance to test how ready they are to play with the big boys.
I go for Bradford 1 Pools 1.
Darlo have Rushden and Diamonds at home and this looks like a home banker this one. Darlo boss Dave Hodgson has spoke this week of how he is not going to walk away while on the job, so that must be a big boost to the lads.
I fancy this one could kick start Darlo's season again with Rushden arriving as a poor side with a season long struggle ahead of em, and I know how that feels.
I go for Darlo 2 Diamonds Are Forever 0.
So that is me for this week. I gotta go and check on wor lass as she is still up in bed pretending to be ill or somat. I told her yesterday she can still clean the windows, broken leg or not as I will hold the ladder so it don't slip this time.
So remember, only Sunderland can say we are Sunderland!!
Big Lawry
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