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Lawrence Fullwell
The Northeast's man with his finger on the ear to the ground in the world of football.
Alreet? I'm back again, lucky old smogs I say. I don't do this for money ya know. Purely for the love of the beautiful game.
Well bugger me with a fishwife, did yer see the toon fans on Wednesday night? Well bless 'em, they had a sit down protest at Wigan. Daft sods didn't realise that the cartoon players had already buggered off home but still I am sure the Wigan stewards needed the overtime, what with Christmas coming an all.
Anyway on the subject of that lot up the road, it looks like Sunderland will soon have some company at the bottom the way they are playing at the moment. Did Michael Owen sign for them or did I dream it? I can't remember him playing for about three years or something. I reckon he has ran away to appear on TV in "I am a Newcastle player get me the hell out of here."
They have been shocking lately and it has took some of the sting out of Sunderland being utter tosh, and I don't mean that fat copper out of the bill either. Mind you he might be a bit more mobile around the box than Shearer. Not that I would smile at wor near neighbours having a nightmare. Yer right, I nearly pissed my pants after Wigan reserves turned em over like a little man in the boat.
Anyway, you lot have a funny way of playing football I tell yer. I have seen more consistency when wor lass tries to set the basterd video for some shite I let her watch to shut her up for half an hour. I dunno what the problem is down on The Riverside but how can yer beat all the decent teams and then have a struggle like little Billy and his ferrets trying to beat the crap teams? Funny old game I tell yer. Mind you, your strikers look hot at the moment and that Viduka has been banging em out all over from every position an all. He is a big lad as well so I bet when he bangs on yer door, yer cant stop him firing one up yer.
Anyway back to the Sunderland. Another two defeats and it looks hard from here I tell yer. I have tried to liven it up by looking positive and thinking of new ways I can inspire the lads from the stands, but I dunno anymore myself like. I know if I was in charge I would be installing discipline and having some sort of order on the pitch. I like my footballers to be upright and honest. If not I would be taking action and making sure they knew I was in charge like, by whipping them into shape.
So I suppose you heard about my little indiscretion last week? Well I went for a few pints with the lads, then I met a young friend of mine up in Newcastle called Nigel. So after a few drinks at his favourite club The Blue Oyster Bar, he took us for a nice Indian in the toon like.
Anyway I am sat munching on my naan and Nige says have a nibble of his chapatti like, so I lean over and I see Big Mick McCarthy and his Mrs come in, followed by our great chairman Bob Murray and his wife.
So I was well impressed, so I shouted "we are Sunderland" and I got a wave off Big Mick and then I left them to their privacy like and me and Nige had a few large ones over a nice hot curry like.
So as we were about to leave I walk over to Big Mick and Bob's table and tell em that I am Big Lawry and anytime they wanna tap into my vast football knowledge, just give us a bell like.
So we, well I mean I, start talking tactics about the game on Saturday and I can see they are thinking long and hard about my observations on the Sunderland squad as they look completely uninterested in a reverse physiology way that I read all about in the Sun newspaper.
So I says let's all have a drink and toast the Mighty Sunderland, so young Nige goes and gets some more large ones in like and passes around the glasses, but Nige is a bit pissed like so he spills one all over Mrs Murray and then as he goes to give Bob his large one, just at the same time as Bob is standing up to let his Mrs get past, guess what? Bob and the glass collide and he gets a glass in the face, all by accident.
What a carry on I tell yer. Big mick tried to defuse the situation and I was trying to get hold of Nige to get him to say sorry and buy some more drinks but in the confusion someone called the police and we got arrested. I'll apologise for the accident to Big Mick when he rings us up to ask for my tactics advice before the Spurs game.
So with that we will have a look at this weeks football action.
I will start with the Toon who have Villa at home. And if you remember last season, it was against Villa when they all had a fight with each other. Mind you if you ask me anyone who punches Dyer in the face deserves a knighthood from the Queen. Anyway back to the game in hand, If Owen plays they have a chance, if not they will be looking at the end of a long hard shafting from a Villa side who beat us. So they must be class and up there for the title. I go for Toon 1 Villa 2.
So Sunderland- after The Liverpool game midweek and my tactical info I passed onto Big Mick, I see no reason why we can't grab something from Spurs. We just need a bit of luck to come our way. Maybe the bounce of our balls will be different and we could be on the way to three points. Spurs have been decent of late mind you, so we need to keep a tight ship, pull our oars in and not let them go for the vinegar strokes. I go for Spurs 1 Sunderland 2.
So what about you lot? Well I don't need to tell you that Chelsea are top on merit because they have won more games but for me that means nothing if they don't win less then the next team, then the other team will be trying to win more, if you follow me like.
So your record against the big boys is good. The bigger they come the harder you get so it seems so this game could be a shock. But after seeing you lot lose to us I doubt you have the credentials to slip one past the Chelsea rear entrance. Stranger things have happened mind. I go for Chelsea 2 Boro 1.
So this week sees the FA Cup second round and it is Hartlepool who hold the flag for the area in this one. I don't see any reason why the Pools can't win this one and win it well. When I searched Tamworth on the net, it told me about some pigs who escaped and ran off into the country somewhere. So Pools should have no fear - and some people call Mackems thick!
So anyway, I go for Pools 3 Pigs 0.
So that's me for this week. I am about to go to the police and try and sort this bloody mess out with young Nige. I mean he wouldn't hurt a fly, he is such a sensitive boy.
Cheers lads.
And remember, only Sunderland can say 'We are Sunderland'.
Big Lawry
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