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Lawrence Fullwell
The Northeast's man with his finger on the ear to the ground of the world of football.
Alright lads? Well I am back again and what a couple of weeks it has been since I was last with you all.
We had the sad occasion of burying the truly greatest footballer ever, George Best. I saw him play once back in the sixties. He was pure class, dancing in and out, swaying this way and that... mind, you that was in the player's lounge after the game.
On the pitch he could make the ball talk, I tell ya. I even tried to model myself on his style of dressing, with the flowery shirts and floppy hats but I ended up being chased down Roker seafront by a couple of queers so I knocked that one on the head.
Anyway I see you lot have slipped into the lower half after some less than entertaining games. Myself, and I think I am right, I think you have a problem in the motivation department like. I mean you have some big players with plenty of ball skills, just no direction or deep penetrative knowledge on how to press the right buttons to give the lads on the terrace what they want to make them satisfied.
Newcastle shocked the football world last week by actually winning a game and after reading all about the game it seems it was the luckiest win of the season so far. The Arsenal played them off the park and it was only down to a great goalkeeping display, Shearer cheating and a shocking offside decision that they got the points.
Moving on, I would very much like to point out that Sunderland have been improving of late. We just have not had the rub ourselves off the green. In my opinion we will stay up. Now don't be all laughing at us like I am a lesbian or somat but I have seen things in our recent performances that suggest an upturn in our league form. But I can't tell you lot cause it's a secret and we play you again soon and you will tell your manager, so there.
Anyway Hartlepool and Darlo had great wins last week which was as good to see as wor lass going out for the day with her mother so I can look at them websites about amateur photography. Mind you I would like to say Pools going out of the FA Cup was a bit of a shocker. In saying that both the Mighty Sunderland and you lot have non-league banana skins to get our leg over in the third round, so we'd both better be prepared to be on the receiving end.
So what else has been going on this week then? Well as yer know I have been on the keep-fit routine after a young friend of mine called Justin told me I needed to lose a few pounds on me love handles like. Funny thing is I have never heard bollocks called that before. Anyway I went along to this new health club place and asked for a trial run like.
So I was on the old bike and treadmill and that and I tell yer what lads, I was knackered and sweating like a Scouser in a Job Centre. Mind you there was some big lads down that gym, all muscles and tanned and that. I felt at home what with me being the natural athlete and that even though I've been on the sick for 25 years. Anyway, after all that I went along for one of them Jacuzzi things and I walked in and thought it was the blokes Jacuzzi, so seeing as I had forgot me Speedos, I got in bollocks naked like. I mean all blokes together like.
Anyway after five minutes two birds walked in and got in. It was then I realised it was a mixed Jacuzzi. I tell yer I shit myself. I didn't know what to do, so I sat and waited till these two birds got out so I could make a run for it but they stayed forever talking about Christmas presents for the bairns and that. By the time I got out I looked like bloody bag of wrinkled shite I tell yer.
So let's have a look at this weeks games then eh?
Sunderland don't have a game this week which is a relief in itself, not that I am sick of losing but more for the lads to have a nice family Christmas and come back all geared and roaring to go on Boxing Day against Bolton.
You lot have a tough old encounter at home against Spurs. Now then I might not be kicking the sharpest knife in the draw up the arse but you lot have a habit of beating decent teams when you least expect it. So with that in mind I Could say home win, but Spurs are a good solid unit and have the knack of banging one out over yer when yer back is turned. So I fancy Spurs to pull your Christmas cracker and make a mess all over your carpet. I go for Boro 1 Spurs 2.
Well, now then, the Jawdees have a trip to London to contend with and this time I fancy them to come a real cropper at West Ham. Owen is still missing and no one seems to know where, Dyer has admitted he wants to top himself and Fat Freddie is shagging Spanish prostitutes, allegedly.
In my book that means only one thing. A real Christmas roasting from the Hammers with a bit of crackling on the side and yer mother in law letting smelly farts go so yer misses blames you and kicks yer under the table. I go for West Hammers 3 Jawdees 0.
In the lower leagues this week I fancy Pool to grab a draw at Warsaw which I thought was the capital of Bulgaria off the Wombles, but never mind eh.
And I think Darlo are starting to show signs of a recovery, like me on Boxing Day about 6pm when I sober up and go for a few pints. So bearing all that in mind I go for a Darlo home win.
So that's me for this week I'am going to go and hang around the gym for a bit. Cheers lads.
And remember- only Sunderland can say "We are Sunderland!"
Big Lawry
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