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Lawrence Fullwell
The Northeast's man with his finger on the ear to the ground in the world of football.
Now then lads? How is it going like? Well Christmas is nearly upon us and I can't wait to have a few drinks with the family then bugger off down the pub. This is the time of year that the season turns the corner and the men will soon be sorted from the boys and the men who can last the pace will be the ones who shock the boys and last until the fat lady sings and then goes and has a kebab with lots of chilli sauce on but no onions as they give us gas somat chronic like.
Anyhow after last week's games I was shocked as a right old tinker tailor solider spy wearing a plastic mac in the rain when I saw Newcastle beat West Ham 4-2. I was gutted lads. I had the hammers on me coupon like and only needed them to win and I would have won a bit of cash to spend on me Christmas beer like.
That Owen is some player mind you. I am just glad he is English and will be backing him all the way up the World Cup alley. But at the moment he plays for the dirty toon and I don't wanna see him nailing a hat trick every week like he did against West Ham, unless he tells us first then I can put a few quid on him like.
So what about that Spurs game then? I was glued to the TV in the club. What a game of football it was, mind you I was that drunk I could have been watching Neighbours and still found it end-to-end action from box to box. Anyway you lot still never managed to win the bloody game in spite of playing the Spurs off the park.
Tell ya what though, I thought that kid of yours was crocked good and proper when he got kicked in the head by Robbie Keane. The guy next to us said he just followed thru and kicked him in the face but I don't know how he could see that on the TV. Mind you, Keane was walking a bit funny afterwards so maybe he did follow thru, like I did once when the beer was off in the White Rose. Wor lass went mad next morning when she emptied the laundry basket.
Anyhow on Wednesday night you lot managed to mess up the best chance you had to get some more silverware on the old mantelpiece. Mind you only about ten fans turned up for the game so I hear so I am hardly surprised yer players couldn't be arsed. I mean big lads don't like playing with themselves in an empty arena.
So after Darlo had a game called off due to bad weather or somat, which is a bit bloody daft if you ask me because the week before Christmas in Darlington is never warm dry and sunny so what the hell did they expect?
Pool lost away to Warsaw as I predicted which leaves them well off the pace and only a second half performance of titanic proportions will do. Mind you that bloody thing went down so its best not to wish that on the old monkey hangers is it?
So what else has been happening this week? Well as I tell you lot now and then I have a few nice young boys which I call mates and we all meet up from time to time and have a few drinks and watch Judy Garland movies and sing along to some of her classic hits and that.
Anyway I got a call from Jermaine who invited me to his mate's wedding yesterday. It was a big old bash at the civic hall like with lots of people outside waving shouting and waving banners which said "no to gay weddings". But what these miserable twats have against a nice happy friendly wedding is beyond me.
I got all dressed up smart as a badger and went down and it was packed full of funny looking guys dressed up like puffs and some right rough looking boot wearing skinhead girls.
The happy couple came in and the bride was dressed as a man for some reason and to be honest was ugly as hell for a bird like. Anyhow the wedding reception was a very gay affair and I enjoyed myself very much. I had a few too many drinks mind and had to be helped home by a lovely young lad called Jonquil who had his arm around all the way home to steady me like.
Anyway lets have a look at this weeks Christmas games with your host big Lawry. Us top flight big boys have a real double intruder this Christmas. I will start with the top dogs in the North East - Sunderland, as we have scored two goals against both you and the jawdees this season so that makes us on average a better team than both of you in my book.
We have Bolton at home and I fancy us to grab a shock win. Then we have a tricky trip to Blackburn and both will be physical encounters but I fancy us to come out on top. But it may get a bit messy in between. I go for Sunderland 2 Bolton 1, Blackburn 0 Sunderland 1.
Newcastle have Liverpool away which is a certain defeat for them. Even Owen won't dare score against his home town club unless he fancies himself winning the rusty sheriff's badge on the way home if you follow me like. After that the toon have Charlton at home which could be nasty but here is hoping Charlton stuff it up 'em. I go for Liverpool 3 Newcastle 0, Newcastle 1 Charlton 1.
Boro funnily enough have a mirror image fixture of us with Blackburn at home and Bolton away. Thing is I think you lot will soon be joining us at the bottom as it looks grim for you lot. Mind you it always looks grim in that smog. But saying that you have some canny forwards who will always grab a goal but as for that Rollingback fella, I think he is the one taking drugs never mind that Mr T fella who got banned. I go for Boro 1 Blackburn 1, Bolton 2 Boro 0.
Pool have a trip at Barnsley in which I fancy they will get a draw and a home game against Southend in what should be three point up Santa's chimney. Darlo have a couple of good chances to grab something or two from Santa's big sack with an away day trip to Carlisle and a home game against Barnet.
So with that it must be time for me to go and start my Christmas drinking down the club as wor lass as just asked me to help her peel the veg and pick the bloody mother in law up. Have a very happy and joyful yuletide log.
And remember only Sunderland can say we are Sunderland.
Big Lawry
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