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Lawrence Fullwell 9-2-06
The only football columnist who gets amongst the action
Now then. How's it going like? It's been a strange few days since I last popped round to entertain you as only I can.
Let's get this over with first... The derby game was shite. Sunderland showed about as much interest, passion and commitment as wor lass shows when I try and tell her how to set the video for the hundredth bastard time. The end result is pretty similar as well - utter frustration at the end.
We never turned up last week. I was expecting a display of the highest order with flair and imagination to match the obvious class we have shown of late. However in the end all I got was wank and no trousers which would have been alright if I was watching them French movies on Filmfour but I can hardly call the Stadium of Light on a January evening all erotic like.
Boro looked OK at times but I feel Sunderland let them play how they wanted to and allowed Boro to dictate the game and not give Sunderland an inch of length to play with. Fair play to yer though, 3-0 is a canny result away from home.
Mind you it all goes down to insignificance like an otter on its way home after a few jars when yer see the results this weekend. You lot got a bigger hammering than them movies about Dracula that I used to shit myself over when I was a bairn. Aston Villa are no class outfit so how the hell you lot managed to lose 4-0 to 'em after beating us is a mystery I can never work out like.
Well managers come and go in this game and in the north-east this week we have lost two. The jawdees kicked Souness out which is no shock and last night Hartlepool kicked out Martin Scott. I just wonder who will be next like. McClaren must be hanging by a thread at the moment and Big Mick is rumoured to be in the shit with Bob Murray.
One bloke who won't be getting the sack is young Davie Hodgson who is performing like a man obsessed at Darlo. They may even grab a automatic promotion place if they carry on going like the clappers.
So what else has been going on this week then? Oh yeah, I was sitting minding my own business at the Stadium of Light against the Boro and I was looking into the Boro end to see if I could see any of my mates from ComeOnBoro.com. It was then I spotted Harry's famous jumper so I jumped up and gave him a wave, only for some Boro fans to shout 'Sit down you scruffy cunt' at me. Charming that one, eh?
So with out any further ado, let's have a look at this week's top footie action and see if I can shed any light on the world of football for you smogs.
So on Friday for some reason, probably they have a date on Saturday, Hartlepool take on Chesterfield at home. Now the gossip is that Chris Turner, ex-Sunderland keeper will be taking over at the Pools, which will be good news for the lads down there I feel as relegation is rearing it's head like a sheep in the butcher's shop window ready for the chop like. In this one I see home advantage winning the day. I go for
Hartlepool 2 Chesterfield 0.
On Saturday Newcastle travel to Aston Villa. Now this is tricky as the Skunks have the relief of not having that clown in charge and finally having big Al Shearer as the temporary gaffer, after he has personally got rid of three managers himself. Allegedly. Thing that tickles me is that he comes out and says 'I don't want the job yet'. What a load of shite that is. The guy has been practically running the club for the last ten years in all but name.
In this game I think Villa will stick it up the jawdess but rather them than me as I would hate to stick anything up a jawdee as you never know where they have been. I go for Villa 1 Newcastle 0.
Now the Boro have one of these no-win situations on Saturday. Now I say no-win as that is exactly what you are going to get. No win.
However if this boss of yours really is a great tactician, which personally I think is all bollocks like, he will know how to go about facing an unstoppable Chelsea side. This to me is my banker in my footie Yankee so I hope the Boro don't do anything silly like winning or something. I go for Boro 0 Chelsea 3.
Also on Saturday we have Darlo at home against Bristol Rovers in a real six-pointer at the top of the table. This game is a true test of Darlo's credentials and they should whack it out on the table ready to be measured against the big boys if they are really serious about getting up there. I go for a tight Darlo win. Darlo 1 Bristol Rovers 0.
On Sunday the mighty Black Cats take on the Spurs of Tottenham. This is our final stab at survival. I feel we need to kick in now if we have any hope of getting out of this struggle. I know we can do it. I have faith, mind you I was the only guy in Sunderland who thought wor lass was good looking so my opinion counts for fuck all on this one. Spurs look decent at the moment but have a habit of slipping up and this could be one of those times. I go for Sunderland 2 Spurs 1.
So that's about me for this week. I am off for a few midweek pints to tide me over till my weekend drinking kicks in. I said to wor lass last week I am cutting down drinking to two times a week. She was very impressed till I told her my two times a week were Friday to Sunday and Monday to Thursday.
All the best
Big Lawry
And remember, only we can sing...
We are Sunderland, say we are Sunderland.
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