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"BLOODY RUBBISH!" FROM THE STAR 27-11-04
Arsene Whinger came out with a couple of belters this week;
"I am not a ranter but I have my days. I was sent off in Japan but I don't remember what it was for."
What a "Bloody Rubbish!" thing to say! Nobody gets sent off and forgets what it is for. I'd have sent you off for saying that you didn't see it. If your eyesight's that "Bloody Rubbish!", then you should become a pundit on some "Bloody Rubbish!" programme like Match of the Day, then you might see how "Bloody Rubbish!" your team is.
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...and on the forgotten sending off incident;
"I was sent to the stands but it was a good atmosphere because 50% of the fans were girls."
Well they must have "Bloody Rubbish!" girls in Japan if they were interested in you because you look like that gargoyle darlek off Dr Who, you wrinkly old load of "Bloody Rubbish!"
Our old mate Robbo talking about losing his rag as Boro boss;
"When I first went to Middlesbrough, I tried a Fergie style rage just to get attention but I ended up kicking a stool and it didn't half hurt."
Well of course it would bloody hurt you daft sod! It's a lump of wood! Same as that "Bloody Rubbish!" assistant manager you had at the Boro. Not surprised we were "Bloody Rubbish!" when you spent your time booting the furniture. Stupid "Bloody Rubbish!" thing to do that was!
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It's Souey time again and this week, it's about Titus Bumble;
"Being more focused has to come from within. The boy himself has to work that out. He's still a baby but maybe the penny's dropping now. I want him to be a serious human being. The time to stop being a boy is now. Now he's a man."
Away Soeuy man and stop talking "Bloody Rubbish!" One minute he's a boy, then a baby, then a man. Make your mind up Souey because he can't be all three now, can he? I reckon you've been at that "Bloody Rubbish!" club up the road for too long and it's making you go daft. Mind you, you always were a "Bloody Rubbish!" manager!
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Here's a corker from reporter Scott Coleman about the Portsmouth managerial situation;
"Croatia legend Prosinecki has already flown into England for secret talks about becoming the club's new coach."
Well that was a "Bloody Rubbish!" secret that, wasn't it. It was in every single paper going on Saturday and besides, if someone had a secret, they wouldn't tell a "Bloody Rubbish!" paper like The Star now, would they. Biggest load of "Bloody Rubbish!" I've ever bought.
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Another quote from the paper itself, this time anonymous.
"Ex WBA boss Gary Megson has finally ruled out managing Wolves."
The Wolves board turned down his application three weeks ago! What a "Bloody Rubbish!" piece of reporting that was. You'll be telling us next that George Best is leaving Man Utd. "Bloody Rubbish!" paper and a "Bloody Rubbish!" story as well and I'm not surprised it's anonymous.
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Kevin Phillips;
"I have felt the pain of relegation and it is not something I want to go through again."
You big load of Mackem "Bloody Rubbish!" I have felt the pain indeed. What do you think this is? A bloody Mills and Boon novel? The pain, the pain. You'll be in real pain when your "Bloody Rubbish!" team take you back to Joker Park next season. Load of melodramatic "Bloody Rubbish!" you are and you get no sympathy from me.
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Baffled Nigel Worthington on Damien Francis' injury;
"It was a crazy, crazy situation- one of those that might never happen for another ten years..."
It was a straightforward elbow in the face Nige and you get it every week in the big boy's league. But your "Bloody Rubbish!" load of wurzels have been out of the top flight for so long now, you've forgotten what it's like. And why were you away for so long? Because you're "Bloody Rubbish!", that's why!
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Back to Robbo and his meeting with old mentor Fergie;
"We'll have a drink. I only drink white wine but he'll be on the red."
"Bloody Rubbish!" Robbo. You only drink white wine because you drank everything else and there's nowt left for the rest of us. And you were "Bloody Rubbish!" on Saturday as well, getting beat three nil. What kind of a "Bloody Rubbish!" performance do you call that, eh? A "Bloody Rubbish!" one, that's what.
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Sounds like Rafa Benitez has been on the vino collapso as well as he gushes about Reyes;
"He could have played for Real Madrid, all the teams but he was very young. If you try to sign a young player, you normally know the price but if someone pays more money, you can do nothing."
What do you mean, he could have played for all the teams? Absolute "Bloody Rubbish!" You can only play for one team at once in this country Rafa. I don't know how you do it in your "Bloody Rubbish!" country but it's one club per player over here. Maybe that's why you're side is playing so much "Bloody Rubbish!" football. Because you don't know the rules. What kind of "Bloody Rubbish!" management is that? And as for someone paying more than you, well it never put Robbo off when he was here, did it. "Bloody Rubbish!" the lot of you.
More "Bloody Rubbish!" by Harry Haverton coming your way next weekend.
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