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"BLOODY RUBBISH!" FROM THE MIRROR 11-12-04
Ronnie Johnsen reckons Titus Bumble and the rest of his Geordie team mates are too quiet;
"He talks, although I'm trying to encourage everybody to talk more even if they haven't got anything to say. Sometimes it's good to just make some noise."
What are you talking about, you load of Italian "Bloody Rubbish!" There's plenty of noise coming out of Geordieland at the moment, like the sound of fifty thousand grown men crying at five o'clock every other Saturday afternoon. And I bet the sound is deafening when that "Bloody Rubbish!" manager of yours gets you relegated at the end of the season.
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Liverpool boss Rafael Benitez said;
"Steven is the best in the world for me and I am confident that he will be here for ten years."
Ten years? Load of "Bloody Rubbish!" You must be the only man in England who hasn't realised that he's leaving your "Bloody Rubbish!" side and signing for Chelsea in January. Ten years? Load of "Bloody Rubbish!" More like ten minutes if you ask me.
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Master of the "BR!" statement, Jose Mourinho;
"It's very difficult in England to get cards. Very difficult. If you compare English football with other countries it's very difficult to get cards."
Difficult to get cards in England? How can you say such a "Bloody Rubbish!" thing? Where was George Boateng on Monday night then? Sitting in the stands, that's where he was because he was suspended for getting yellow cards and he didn't have to drop the ref a backhander in a brown envelope to get them either. Away with you and stop talking "Bloody Rubbish!" man.
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Villa skipper Olof Mellberg on Birmingham City;
"I'm a little bit surprised that they are not higher up the league because they signed some great players in the summer and spent a lot of money."
Well I'm not surprised when they go out and buy a load of "Bloody Rubbish!" like Emile Heskey. Great big bloody donkey he is and if you think you're going to be successful buying "Bloody Rubbish!" like that, then you're in for a nasty surprise. "Bloody Rubbish!", the whole lot of them.
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WBA keeper Russell Hoult is surprised that WBA are bottom of the league and has told his team-mates they must beat Charlton today at and win at Birmingham next weekend to leave the basement;
"It is not easy seeing your team bottom of the table," he said. "At the start of the season we weren't expecting to be down there so we have to get over that disappointment."
Well if martians landed on the planet, I might be a little surprised or if Castro became US president, I may even raise my eyebrows slightly but seeing WBA bottom of the league? Pack it in with your "Bloody Rubbish!" man. Expecting to get in the Champions League were you? Not with a "Bloody Rubbish!" team like yours. Oh, and they've got Robbo as manager now, so everything will be alright. Load of "Bloody Rubbish!" you are, I tell you.
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New Southampton boss Harry Redknapp;
"James Beattie is under contract and if I don't want him to go he doesn't go - not at the moment,"
He'll be off as soon as your Director of Football Mr Lowe says so Harry because your new club is a load of "Bloody Rubbish!" and won't be able to hang on to any half decent players that you may find there. Mind you, there actually isn't any because they're all "Bloody Rubbish!"
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Isn't it nice to have Harry back;
"I want to keep James here because he can score goals. Clubs have been linked with him but if you don't want him to go then he does not go."
That's another load of "Bloody Rubbish!" Harry. It's not up to the managers these days. It's all up to the agents and what they want, so don't go making out that you call the shots at Southampton because every man and his dog knows that's a load of total "Bloody Rubbish!"
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Harry yet again;
"I'll need a few weeks yet to decide exactly what I want because things have happened so quickly. I've hardly spoken to the chairman Rupert Lowe yet but he seems a nice man."
Hardly spoken to the Chairman? "Bloody Rubbish!" man! How were the contract negotiations conducted then? A quick one minute phone call? "Harry, it's Rupert Lowe. Want to be Southampton manager?" "Eerr, OK then." "Good, see you Monday. Bye." What a load of "Bloody Rubbish!" You must just be trying to avoid him so that he can't add you to the list of Top 100 Sacked Southampton Managers. Mind you, they were all "Bloody Rubbish!", the whole lot of them.
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Martin Jol;
"I always played against the playmakers like Trevor Brooking, Keegan, and Kenny Dalglish. I met Kevin again soon afterwards at a chance meeting at a hotel but I doubt he'll remember."
You must have been a "Bloody Rubbish!" player Martin because nobody remembers you playing in the English league. I'll bet Kevin Keegan doesn't remember you as well because you're hardly a memorable person now. Load of "Bloody Rubbish!" if you ask me.
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Confused Kevin Keegan said;
"The thing Nicolas shouldn't have said was that Manchester City are not a big club because that's just not true. There are bigger clubs, of course, but we get crowds of 47,000 every week and that shows we're a big club."
And the fact that you haven't won a trophy since Dick Whittington was a young lad shows that you're not a big club. Your poor league position gives the game away a little as well. But the main reason that everybody can tell that you're not a big club is because you're a load of "Bloody Rubbish!" Plainly obvious, isn't it?
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New Nottingham Forest assistant boss Mick Harford;
"People were talking about promotion but the table never lies and the players have now realised they're in a scrap. If we can't go to places like Burnley and Gillingham and pick up points then we've got to be concerned."
So the players have only just realised now have they? What a "Bloody Rubbish!" way to run a football club! Aren't you supposed to know your position in the table from quite early in the season? "Bloody Rubbish!" management that. And just think, when you drop down to Coca-Cola League One in May, you'll be even more "Bloody Rubbish!" than you are now!
More "Bloody Rubbish!" by Harry Haverton coming your way next weekend.
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