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BORED? GET MESSAGES FROM THE BOARD! 29-3-06
We'll start this week's rant with a mention of a plastic Mackem on holiday. My sister Christine is visiting from Blighty with her hubby Eric, Popeye to you (as in ex sailor and musclebound former PTI in the Navy), he's a Stockton wallah and has a sad mental/physical deficiency in that he is a Blunderland two-head amidst Boro fanatics.
Well, Popeye informed me that he thinks my articles are, "fucking shite" and he deletes them the very nano-second he sees them in his mail inbox. Well that was like winning the fucking Pulitzer prize for football urine extraction journalism. I was over the moon, delighted but wondered how he knew they were shite if he never read them. He requested I take him off my 'family and friends' mailing list. Sorry Popeye, computer says no... cough.
The Aussie arm of the Erimus clan all came together on Sunday night to have a few tinnies and a burn up of various bits of dead bovine on the BBQ. Later on, Boro were on Fox Sports live against Bolton and me and Popeye watched it as he predicted Bolton would hammer us. As the game ebbed and flowed so did my demeanour, and after Bolton's late third goal and Popeye's cock-a-hoop celebration. But that swiftly went to, "bastard lucky arsey smoggy fuckers!" when Parnaby slotted home that cracking winner and I celebrated in his face.
It's been grand being a Boro lad lately and to make me even happier, some Mackem nobber who is on a mailing list inside my mate Froggy's office keeps sending the odd derogatory email having a dig at the Boro usually and slagging my weekly rant. He persists with the line that the crowds are always bigger at the Stadium of Shite. This, I explained away to my mate Froggy was because they don't have a prison on Wearside so they put their offenders inside the football stadium as punishment.
Right! Have you ever sat down and pondered what an amazing place a message board is?
Think about it right now. People from all over the place communicating on-line in various juicily titled forums, usually humorous and very entertaining. Appreciate and bless the avenue of expression that this very site and it's well used New Holgate Message Board provides to us all. The freedom of speech it allows is immense and it's one thing we all take for granted while easily and quickly accessing this fast paced medium of tele-communication.
At any time during your day, wether at work, home or through your mobile laptop, you can log on and get your fix of ComeOnBoro. Since I discovered the site last year I've become hooked. I reckon I pop on every single day to update my inner-self on the news and read the excellent articles by a cracking band of journos who don't take themselves too seriously with a common bond of a shared love of all things Boro. As well, I always have a peek and a play at the famous message board where souls from all over the globe come together and post.
When it comes to the New Holgate message board, if you so wish you can participate or just cruise as a guest like a fetish voyeur, looking but not touching but taking it all in.
But better to get in there and participate in the mayhem of jocularity and madness. Just simply take the time to set yourself a profile and have some fun with the other nutters, and I mean that in the tongue in cheek sense. Well with from the odd exception. You've got to do the avatar and signature stuff right to mark your visual territory.
There are some extremely clever avatars out there and added to the individuality of the signatures, e.g. BadlyPackedKebab's Homer erotico, ComfyShoes dressed as a fifteen stone German helmet haircut baby in a nappy, little cutie Millet using stalked photo shots posed with Boro hunks, Harry C's shaky can of jubbly ale, and some dickhead in red undies.
When logged in you can create one profile or a series of profiles, a whole alter ego persona with a totally different personality to the one you really possess or change your sex or sexual leaning. You can toy with people, post messages from one of your egos to another, anything virtually goes. It's democracy at it's nth degree and the finest freedom tool you will find anywhere because the rules are minimal and it's open to all. Anything goes and your opinion when expressed will either be ignored, agreed, disputed or in the extremely rare cases expunged from the pages altogether.
Sunlan fans get short shrift and I thoroughly enjoy the pasting any silly bugger who raises his Colgate stripped avatar above the eye-line and admits to supporting the pride of the Stadium of Shite and Mediocrity. Some of the best threads in a comedic sense that have appeared on our board have been about the enemy Mackem squadron and some have been absolute classics. I love the way the board repels any raiders though and gives short shrift to the criticising element who proliferate the stereotypical pollution zone Smoggy flat-cap drone, especially the obvious Mackem scum. "Beware I smell a Scruffy Mackem, sit down!" or words to that effect.
Some cracking handles abound with a few only having any meaning to the holder but most have a Boro link although some are a bit tenuous, examples of which are TCider, Dark Side of The Smog, Pollocks right Foot, Luke Smogwalker, SmoggieSuicide, Bob End and His Sexy Bitch but the best Boro one I've heard was on the old Boro Soccernet board, which is now total fucking dross, and the handle award goes to; NewbouldsPorkPie, a veritable Teesside classic.
When bored, well hit the board because there is always someone to talk to, abuse, cajole, agree with, disagree with or annoy the fuck out of. You can hit on any one and not get into trouble. BUT be very wary as you could be hitting on a persona who's not the entity you think they are but a sniff of Oestrogen and the read count goes through the roof.
And when an errant female comes on board well watch out because the testosterone comes flooding forth, as one blue-vein stiffened resolve after another tries to get into her cyber pants. Question is, is she really a Sheila?
Any medium that dissolves the tedium is alright by me and there is actually a sense of belonging, of community. The truth is, we all need to be heard and listened to at some time or another and an avenue to vent shared or personal angst to blow off some cyber-steam is good for the psyche. Most of us just like to feel part of a little club, of a team of like-minded folk, an extended cyber family with a shared passion for the beautiful game and the beautiful Boro.
I love the fact that you people have formed supporters sub-groups and that the lot of you meet up at the pub and trudge of to Boro games and there is an endemic camaraderie that came from those relationships struck while at the keyboard and gazing at the computer screen. I wonder, has ComeOnBoro been responsible for the inception of any long term relationships, or short term. Did the spark of romance emanate from within the guts of your PC?
Talking of Guts, our good German friend from Stuttgart who came on board and is now a very welcome regular, is a tangible example of the power of the message board. How interesting it is to see loads of good people who support our opponents have come on board and partake in the whole online friendship thing. Of course, knob-spankers do creep under the radar pop up occasionally but we'll leave Italy's version of Sunlan supporters, the Roma bumboys out of this.
Even the competitive parochialism of the EPL is occasionally dropped, witness West Ham, another welcome regular and an all round good guy who bounces in and out between his duties on the Hammers board. He is now an honorary Boro fan, who are only second to his Bubble blowers, of course.
You can't fail to be impressed by the real time immediacy of it all it all with stuff like Deeno in "Smoggieland Europe" playing eye spy with StuntFace in New Zealand, totally fucking crass but brilliant and funny at the same time, two bored buggers on different corners of the planet entertaining each other.
ComeOnBoro is a web site of such quality and freedom that all members of the Boro Mafia and anyone else who has the inclination, can come onboard and vent their spleen, express their opinion, take the proverbial or simply watch. Where else would an over-opinionated raggy arse from Pally Park be allowed to waffle his rant every week? We now have a valuable tool of expression, entertainment and total democracy... BUT don't mention politics.
Enough said,
ErimusRed.
BACK TO ERIMUSRED INDEX
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