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THE ANTI NEWS - THE LATE ISSUE 17-4-07
Toby Higgins
As some of you may be aware, the Anti News is a little late this week. Now, we'd love to sit here and rattle off three and a half paragraphs of speil about why that is, fumbling clumsily through the reems of seemingly endless excuses. But as they say, in the end, the truth will out, so we won't lie to you.
We sat and watched eleven millionaires wearing red on Saturday, and not one of them looked like they gave a rat's arse whether they won, lost, drew, played well, played badly or played at all.
So we thought, if they can't be arsed, why should we?
Let's do this.
Robert Huth this week told reporters that he has no regrets about leaving former (can we say that?) Premiership Champions, F.A. Cup finalists and Champions League semi-finalists Chelsea for Premiership no-hopers, F.A. Cup 'not quites' and Champions League 'not even in your wildest' dreamers, Middlesbrough.
Given Chelsea's injury troubles during the course of the season, some journalists are suggesting Huth made an error when he packed his bags and bid "auf wiedersehen" to Stamford Bridge, and that he could have cemented his place at the heart of Chelsea's defence, which would be a valid point, had Huth not spent all season injured himself.
"I have no regrets", said Huth. "I wanted to join a club on the way up with a new manager", which for some reason just seems an overly specific set of requirements for a footballer to have.
"If you work hard here you will get your chance", though when you play reserve to players with double barrel names like Jonathan Woodgate-Injured and Emmanuel Pogatetz-Suspended, it's often only the smallest amount of patience that will result in you being given a chance. "At Chelsea no matter what I did I wasn't picked", he finished.
Having watched him against Villa on Saturday, it's easy to see why.
Gareth Southgate has backed Chris Coleman to find employment again in the very near future after the Fulham board chose to give the Welshman the elbow.
"You are never surprised because death, taxes and managers getting the sack are now the three things in life you can expect," philosophised Southgate as Benjamin Franklin began fidgeting uncomfortably in his grave.
"I was disappointed for him because I think over the course of the four years he had there, when you look at the resources that Fulham have and the crowds they get, he has done a very good job", though if fifteenth place in the league, four points from relegation and seven wins from thirty-three is what Southgate considers to be a "very good job", there may be some very long, difficult seasons on the horizon.
"I'm sure with what he has done there will be people looking at him thinking he has the potential to be a good manager for another club and I'm sure he won't be sitting too long twiddling his thumbs", added Southgate, trying desperately hard to hide the fact that Boro's record this season has been marginally better than Fulham's.
Anti News thinks it's bizarre that Fulham have chosen this moment to axe their manager at this time of the season, for a whole host of reasons, the main one being that they travel to the Riverside for their final game of the season, which would have been a guaranteed three points for Fulham anyway because Gareth Southgate and Chris Coleman happened to buy their suits from the same designer.
Or something like that. Ask Neil Warnock, he'll know.
"Drug Cheat" Abel Xavier has told of interest from the Middle East to secure his services next season, but admits his future might lie on Teesside.
"The money involved in these offers from the Middle East is excellent", first-things-first-ed the defender, not at all embarrassed about the fact that £2000 a week is more than enough for anyone to live well on, let alone £20,000.
"Gareth Southgate is very interested in me staying at Middlesbrough. I have had conversations with the boss and he is satisfied with my work. That is very important because this club gave me the chance to return to top-level football." But Anti News reckons if he wants to piss off and play in Saudi Arabia, he can.
Oh and Abel, while you're there, say hi to Joseph Desire-Job for us.
Boro failed to turn up on Saturday at home to Aston Villa, and while many fans wished afterwards they had too, most had left by the end as Gareth Southgate watched his "smashing bunch of lads" get hammered 3-1 by an organised Villa side.
Prolific midfielder Fabulous Rochemback scored his second in as many matches as his unstoppable, blockbuster free-kick left Thomas Sorenson with no chance (creative license) to put Boro one up, but on the stroke of half-time the clumsy looking Robert Huth was beaten and Craig Gardener levelled from just outside the six yard box, with clinical strikes from Gabby Agbonlahor and Stilian Petrov wrapping up a comfortable win for the visitors.
"I thought Villa were better than us all over the field; I thought they were sharper and played the ball better - they thoroughly deserved their win", said Southgate afterwards, appeasing nobody and giving no indication at all as to why his side have one only two league games from the last nine.
"We started the game well, we were fortunate to get the goal but then we missed a chance just before half-time", he said, pausing only to glare at Adam Johnson for a few seconds, before continuing "and they went up the other end and scored and it's a frustrating time to concede a goal right on half-time", as Anti News' mind flashed back to Upton Park just two weeks previous.
"There's a lot of disappointment, a lot of anger but we have to get together next week and look at what went wrong", though Anti News reckons Southgate will need more than a week if he's to even scratch the surface of what went wrong against the Villa.
With Boro's next two games being trips to Liverpool and then Manchester United, it would be wrong to think we're safe yet. But on the plus side, James Morrison is back from suspension just in time for a return to Old Trafford. And we can't wait.
And with that.
BACK TO ANTI NEWS INDEX
TOBY HIGGINS' ROCKLIFFE FILES COLUMNS CAN BE FOUND HERE
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