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BERNIE AND ALI SAVE THE DAY 25-10-06
Peter Holmes
Every new season brings with it a series of unique and challenging scenarios, which stretch the unprepared and the unwary, at times, beyond the point of despair.
The demographical make-up of all divisions is changed dramatically by the relegation and promotion equation, which ensures a renewal, a refreshing, a cleansing of every level of our game. Allied with the bi-annual effect of the transfer system allowing changes to each club's personnel and thus the dynamics of each squad, which on occasions results in an unpredictable and extremely volatile mix of stars, confounding critics and experts alike.
Throw into that very unstable mix, the revolving door of management with the variations brought by a new team of back roomers, who usually come as emotional baggage with the new incumbent, thus the equation changes dramatically and accordingly.
So, every new season throws up new variables among the constants, shit amongst the clay. Regardless, certain confrontations are marked out as something to relish, as a must see clash even before the dates of the games are officially announced because they represent the one of the games constants, in the form of the derby a classic in the history of the game.
Just like those hugely anticipated mega-battles against our nearest geographical EPL rival, Newcastle United, which are marked down instantly on the calendar the moment the fixture list leaves the printing press as something very significant. A major confrontation, guaranteeing an atmospheric electrically charged battle, no matter what the circumstances surrounding the two clubs presently are regarding personnel or position.
So, I was more than a little miffed last Sunday that Australia's only avenue to the EPL, Aussie Murdoch's multifarious Foxsports TV, saw fit to exclude the titanic confrontation that is the North East derby from their live Sunday schedule.
Having been in touch via the wonders of e-mail on previous occasions, namely about the non-televising of encounters between my Beloved Boro and the embattled Magpies, somebody from Foxsports' PR department informed me that they; "take which games they are given and have no input or influence into Sky UK's seasonal scheduling whatsoever."
Well, the blame for all the disappointment therefore lies squarely with some programme planning pleb at Sky UK, some jobs-worth nobber who pontificates over that aforementioned fixture list and gives the thumbs up or thumbs down decision, like some glorified Caesar at the Colosseum.
In his supposedly knowledgeable wisdom, let's cut through the bullspissle here - he simply saw fit that one of the biggest games in the EPL calendar is not of sufficient stature to broadcast live to the watching world.
Dis-enfranchising millions of world-wide Smogs and Jardies, an audience of Football refugee, trust me on this too, a world full of football fans with no allegiance to either team who'd also love to see the game.
Everybody loves the passion and thrills of a Derby battle, especially one with a habit of throwing up tight, passionate and lusty encounters. So, with the present pre-game canvass painted with desperation and EPL lower positional ignominy, the fight for the three lustrous diamond points had more edge than a ceremonial sword. Therefore it was an extremely significant game which could be ultimately crucial in the end of season reckoning with the relegation Grim Reaper, making the crucial battle of the North East surely even more interesting than normal?
Well you would think so and, obviously I think so, so I would imagine a legion of expatriates all over this wonderful globe, from both sides of the North East divide, would agree whole-heartedly with my stance.
But, the pleb at Sky obviously didn't and he/she is sadly misinformed and armed with a power that is sadly misused. Bet you are a Chelski supporter you plonker!
Fair enough I could see that the Manchester United v Liverpool game deserved a top billing, as in itself it can be scheduled as an inter-city derby such is the historical rivalry between the two most successful combatants in the English game. Numero uno, the Scousers, versus number duo, the Red Devil Mancs.
I looked forward to that clash myself and expected our game to duly follow to make it a cracking Sundee night's entertainment. That clash of the behemoths was moved to the earlier Sundee lunchtime spot (your Sundee lunchtime and Perth's evening teatime) but the game that followed was unexplainable in it's reasoning. Arsenal's very clinical demolition of Reading? Go bloody figure folks!
Now, with all due respect Governor Murdoch, I think the inanely stupid fixture pleb got that one totally and utterly wrong, so far wrong it was insulting. Then the dopey sod, as if prove his utter and total incompetence, compounds the fact by scheduling this Sunday's game between cellar dwellers Newcastle and Charlton as live!
Are you related to Blame Poll and Nob Styles you plonker?
Maybe, the programming pleb is actually Mystic Meg and can see into the future, as the cameras want to be there to see the first EPL manager sacked live in person this season!
I stewed for a week on the disappointment of not seeing a game I genuinely look forward too, even though I know the darker side to that could be the ongoing retribution from a loss with the title of 'Cock of the North' heading up to Gallowgate.
Well, pragmatism takes over and I did what I usually do when Boro are not shown on TV in Oz, cranked up the 'puter, raided the beer fridge, and logged on to the excellent effervescent commentary provided by Ali and Bernie at Century FM.
The hairs on my neck became erect, the goose bumps rose as 'Pig Bag' blared and I jigged to the familiar and comforting beat. The scene was set to have a listen to the war.
The change in this instance was a guest up in the Century commentary bolthole at the Riverside. The ever-so-well spoken, cucumber sandwich tones of Super Mac drifted through the speakers. The legendary centre-forward of a by-gone St.James Park era in the form of the 'bull in a china shop' Malcolm MacDonald.
Well, I know that Ali gets some stick for occasionally being overly biased towards Middlesbrough FC. He is not too over the top though as he does give credit where credit is due to the opposition. As usual, aided ably by his sidekick, legendary ex Boro net-burster extraordinaire Bernard Slaven, who likewise can also lose his objectivity a might in the heat of battle.
But, both Boro supporters pale into piffling insignificance when compared to the mutterings of Old MacDonald, who is so bloody one-eyed he's nicknamed Cyclops and wears a frigging black and white striped telescope for glasses. Super-Mac waffled so singularly one eyed for the whole game, blathering many unqualified shite comments like;
"If you, Boro, play like that against other teams in the Premier you should be very worried!"
Methinks MacDonald we have a classic case of way, way too much Broon, while watching way, way too much Toon!
I actually saw a snippet of the game in the Foxsports highlights package of the EPL and while conceding that the match I listened to was pretty even we put the ball in the onion bag, and it was a very well taken goal by Super-Yak, ironically in the ilk of Super-Mac in his heyday.
During this highlights segment, after every individual game, both managers or their reps are interviewed in a short cameo visual-sound bite and our Gareth resplendent in his lucky tie looked vibrant and a man on the rise. Confident, smart, focused and looking forward to the next game.
Roeder in comparison looked like a man possessed of demons, wracked by self doubt, looking haunted with baggy black eyes, verbally stuttering and bumbling his way through his interview.
I wonder if he'll be giving an interview on next Monday's EPL Highlights programme or if it will be carried out by ex. Boro stalwart and former Robbo offsider big Nige Pearson?
One thing's for sure, Gareth resplendent in his red and white striped lucky Boro tie will be there, and right now that's all that really matters to me folks.
Enough Said,
ErimusRed
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