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THE BEAN PREMIER LEAGUE PREVIEW 10-11-06
Christopher Bean
Hello one and all, and welcome to another excruciatingly enthralling edition of The Bean Preview. I have finally gotten into the groove of writing this column whilst no one is looking at work, which is a great way to pass the time!
Once again the very kind people at Totesport are offering you the opportunity to claim a FREE £50 bet. Just click any of the red links on this page to qualify. You know it makes sense. Right lets get a predicting.
Manchester City v Newcastle
Manchester City 10/11 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Draw 9/4 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Newcastle 5/2 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Wow, are Sky trying to get rid of some subscribers? Newcastle travel to Eastlands in which will no doubt be a dire match. City have been very lacklustre up front, whilst the Geordies have got a midget of a left winger Irishman playing up front. Says a lot really.
I am anticipating this match as much as a bout of crabs. It really should be a 0-0 draw, but there is a saying in football. "If you play against a Bramble, you are going to score". So therefore its going to be a Manchester City win.
Prediction - 2-0 to Man City - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Chelsea v Watford
Chelsea 1/7 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Draw 5/1 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Watford 12/1 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Watford have the short trip down to West London to play Chelsea. Watford won their first league match since May last weekend against, yep you guessed it, Middlesbrough. Chelsea however have created more enemies in the past two weeks than Kim Jong-il.
It is pointless trying to elaborate any further in this match, we all know Chelsea are going to win, it just depends on how many goals they score. Using The Bean Preview Magic Number Generator we got a result of 3-0.
Prediction - 3-0 to Chelsea - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Everton v Aston Villa
Everton 11/10 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Draw 21/10 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Aston Villa 11/5 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
An intriguing clash at Goodison Park on Saturday afternoon as the Toffees take on The Villains. Both teams are smarting from their exits in the Carling Cup in midweek and will be looking to get back into winning ways. Villa will be without their influential midfielder Gareth Barry who was carted off in the cup match against Chelsea.
In recent weeks I have asked a number of intellectuals to predict the Aston Villa games. We have had a rocket scientist, a quantum physicist and a Feng Shui guru. All of them fucking useless. So this time I have gone for the big cheese.
Yes that's right I have asked the biggest brain box in the world Professor Steven Hawking. Now of course there is no chance in hell I could contact him directly, but through the magic of the internet we got an answer! How? Well my mate Bill is a dab hand in hacking and after a few clicks and a few dot dashes he managed to hack his way through to Hawking's computer which operates his wheelchair and his talkbox via his brain. After pissing about for a couple of minutes by operating his chair and frightening the shit out of him, he reluctantly gave the answer of 2-1 to Everton.
Prediction - Everton to win 2-1 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Middlesbrough v West Ham
Middlesbrough 11/10 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Draw 9/4 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
West Ham 2/1 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
After two defeats on the trot, Boro are looking to chalk their third home victory in a row against a resurgent West Ham team. The Hammers have clocked up two victories in their last two games; including their controversial win over Arsenal.
It will be a tough game for the Boro, as not only have West Ham finally found some form, but also the players are left in limbo as they don't know if Borat..... sorry Southgate is still going to be manager after the Premier League big cheese did not have time to discuss it as the conversation of whether to have the rouge or rosé over ran.
I still feel we can nick a point though. The Hammers have been shocking away from home and I am pretty sure Pardew will be happy with a point.
Prediction - 1-1 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Portsmouth v Fulham
Portsmouth 4/5 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Draw 9/4 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Fulham 3/1 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
God. Aren't Portsmouth just like that little bit of fluff in your belly button that you just can't get rid of? After losing a couple of games recently they are still occupying a Champions League spot. Fulham are only three points behind and if they win 5-0 they will leap frog Pompey. If that happens though I will impale myself on the Bottle of Notes, naked, and sing Land of Hope and Glory.
Fratton Park has been a fortress this season, with only the one defeat so far coming from Bolton. They will make it six wins out of seven at home with a 2-0 win.
Prediction - 2-0 to Portsmouth - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Wigan v Charlton
Wigan 5/6 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Draw 9/4 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Charlton 11/4 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Wow. talk about writers block, or this match has not got anything to write home about. Let's give it a go anyway. Charlton have not managed to adapt to life under the prettiest man in the world with elephantiasis, whilst Wigan are just shuffling along in the league with not much attention being played on them. In case your wondering they are eleventh. Don't know if you wanted to know that but hey ho.
This match is guaranteed to have the 30 second slot on MotD tonight as not many chances are going to occur and it will be a 0-0 borefest.
Prediction - 0-0 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Sheffield United v Bolton
It is a battle of the managers who look like they should be darts players as Sam "Bullseye" Allardyce takes his team across the Pennines to take on Neil "Double Top" Warnock.
Confidence is sky high at Bramall Lane at the moment, as they beat a "tired" Newcastle team last week at St Jim's Rec. Whilst Bolton have dropped off the pace for top spot after two home defeats on the trot.
It is bound to be a gritty match, especially when you have as many convicts as you do in the Bolton team. Both teams will scrap for a point and it will finish 1-1.
Sheff Utd 8/5 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Draw 11/5 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Bolton 7/5 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Prediction - 1-1 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Blackburn v Manchester United
Fergie might be sitting pretty at the top of the league after twenty years in charge, but the celebrations were mooted in midweek as they unceremoniously dumped out of the League Cup by some little fishing village near France. They make the short trip to Blackburn who have been consistently inconsistent this season.
I think Fergie will quickly wipe away the disaster of Southend on Saturday evening as they nick a 2-1 win and keep the three point cushion ahead of Chelsea.
Blackburn 11/2 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Draw 11/4 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Man Utd 4/9 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Prediction - 2-1 to Manchester United - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Reading v Tottenham
After a great start to the season, Reading are starting to take a nose dive down the table after losing the last four league games on the trot. They welcome a jaded Spurs team who had to play 120 minutes of football on Wednesday night as Port Vale nearly upset the North London Club.
I think Reading will stop the rot but only pick up a point. Tottenham have been gash on their travels, and it is the type of team Spurs struggle against. So I am going for a score draw.
Reading 2/1 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Draw 9/4 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Tottenham 11/10 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Prediction - 1-1 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Arsenal v Liverpool
Arsenal Evens - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Draw 2/1 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Liverpool 5/2 - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
Rafa Benitez has been under going extensive training this week with his personal trainer Carlos, just to be prepared in case he gets attacked by Hong Kong Arsey on the touchline; as Liverpool venture to the Emirates.
Both teams look to be out of the title picture already as Manchester United have gone ten points ahead of Arsenal and eleven ahead of the Scousers. This will be a good match-up but they could cancel each other out, but I reckon it will be a surprise win for Liverpool as they nick a goal in the dying minutes.
Prediction - 1-0 to Liverpool - Click Here To Bet - Free £50 Bet
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