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THE BEAN PREMIER LEAGUE PREVIEW 22-12-06
Christopher Bean
Finally The Bean Preview has returned!
Hey folks, sorry about not writing the column in recent weeks, but ever since Richard Branson took over NTL, overnight it has turned into a Virgin sweat-shop. Christ the bastards have been making me work hard! I have finally escaped, and once again The Bean Preview returns on everyone's favourite Boro fan-site ComeOnBoro.com.
After my time away however, I have seemed to gain some more venom in my fingers which gracefully stroke my keyboard, yes I will be going to be no-holds barred from now on, so let's not dilly-daddle, on to the fixtures!
Fulham v West Ham
Fulham 13/10 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Draw 9/4 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
West Ham 15/8 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
A new era started for West Ham last week as they sensationally defeated Manchester United at Upton Park. Well I lie when I say sensationally as they only had one shot on target and United hammered them all game. It defied all laws of logic.
Fulham have been displaying good home form for some time and recorded another win at Craven Cottage on Monday night over Middlesbrough.
I can see it being quite a close match, but the shares will be spoiled in this London derby with a score of 1-1.
Prediction 1-1
Arsenal v Blackburn
Arsenal 1/3 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Draw 7/2 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Blackburn 15/2 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
The Gunners have taken to their new stadium like a cat trying to lie down. They think they are comfortable, but realise they are not and try to readjust, but end up getting more uncomfortable then bam - they are drawing to every Tom Dick and Harry.
This week they welcome Blackburn to The Emirates who are feeling the effects of a successful UEFA Cup run in the league. A run of bad results over Christmas could see them battling for survival come the New Year. And I am afraid the bad results will start now as the Arsenal have found the comfort spot and started purring.
Prediction 3-0 to Arsenal
Aston Villa v Manchester United
Aston Villa 9/2 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Draw 5/2 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Manchester United 8/13 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Manchester United travel to deepest darkest Birmingham to take on a faltering Aston Villa. Apparently Fergie has been meticulously planning all week. Not for the Villa game but for the trip to Lille in the Champions League. He was cock-a-hoop when the French team was drawn out as it is the first opportunity for him to do a booze and fag run for years! Come on, he is Scottish it is in his nature!
As always we have a special guest submitting their thoughts on the Aston Villa match, and we are still yet to have a guest to correctly predict a result ranging from Steven Hawking to a street bum, it just shows how unpredictable Aston Villa are. So this week I held a seance to try and get a ghost to tell me the score. Unfortunately the only ghost I go to speak to was Tagalog, but I did get a result. I pissed my pants and shat myself, so in kiddy speak that's a number one followed by a number two. So 2-1 to United!
Prediction - 2-1 to Manchester United
Liverpool v Watford
Liverpool 1/6 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Draw 11/2 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Watford 14/1 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Liverpool will be hoping to play Watford on Saturday, pending that a huge fuck off cloud has lifted from Anfield. The League Cup clash with Arsenal was postponed after referee Martin Atkinson could not see all the players. The Liverpool manager said "What'd be the difference then?"
Watford could not score in a Bangkok brothel at the moment and it is very unlikely Watford will get a result. Well they will as they are gonna get beat 2-0.
Prediction 2-0 to Liverpool.
Manchester City v Bolton
Manchester City 11/8 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Draw 9/4 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Bolton 9/5 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
As the majority of you will be aware, this website runs a weekly feature called "Cheat of the Week" and don't be surprised if this week's winner has played in this match as both teams are packed with A contenders.
On the home side we have serial diver Bernardo Corradi, and forearm smasher of the year Ben Thatcher, and on the away side we have Nicky Hunt, whose middle name is Thuggadore and El-Hadji Diouf crown Prince of all cheating.
It is not going to be a pretty match, and I am sure Jeff Winter, Graham Frankland and co will be watching with baited breath!
Prediction 0-0.
Middlesbrough v Charlton
Boro 4/6 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Draw 13/5 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Charlton 4/1 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Oh boy. aren't we in the shit at the moment. We are currently one place above the relegation zone and there does not appear to be a light at the end of the tunnel. That is mainly because Steve Gibson has been cost cutting and hired a Polish paraplegic electrician to fix the lights in the West Stand but to no avail.
The team however have a chance to give Teesside a much needed early Christmas present as we take on Charlton who are sinking without trace. But what do you expect when you employ a guy who looks like a maths teacher who took the wrong turn whilst rambling in the Cotswolds.
Both teams defence are pants at the moment, mainly thanks to injury to key players. But both teams are firing blanks at the moment. So it could mean one of two things. It will be a 0-0 draw or an absolute thriller. I shall go with the latter and go for a 3-2 Boro win.
Prediction 3-2 to Boro.
Newcastle v Tottenham
Newcastle 11/8 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Draw 9/4 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Spurs 9/5 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Oh fantastic! It is the battle between the two most deluded sets of fans in the country! You can be guaranteed that both sets of fans will be claiming they are the biggest thing since Vanessa Feltz's arse.
Both clubs have had particularly poor starts to the season but starting to pick up results now, which is remarkable for Newcastle with their current injury crisis. But this has paved the way for Jimmy five-bellies to make his first team début for the barcodes.
Should be a fast tempo match, but both teams will cancel each other out for a 1-1 draw. Oh and heart-felt congratulations go out to the Geordies as they have won the Intertoto Cup! They had lucky ticket number 492 at UEFA's annual Christmas dinner.
Prediction 1-1.
Portsmouth v Sheffield Utd
Pompey 4/6 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Draw 12/5 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Sheffield United 4/1 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Neil Warnock once famously said " I would love to manage Sheffield Wednesday, I would buy a lot of donkeys and fuck them up good and proper, then come back to Sheffield United." Well I wonder who he has nicked that idea from?
Portsmouth have been immense at Fratton Park this season, and it should be a comfortable home win, although Sheffield United have sprung a few surprises away from home this season. Who can remember their win at Sid James Park? hehehe...
Prediction - 2-0 to Portsmouth.
Wigan v Chelsea
Wigan 15/2 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Draw 10/3 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
Chelsea 4/11 CLICK HERE FOR A FREE £50 BET
The world nearly got knocked off its axis this week as Jose Mourinho sensationally retracted a comment! Jose accused Andrew Johnson, which normally is fair enough but on this rare occurrence AJ actually was brought to ground. Jose is still a cunt though.
Wigan have been excelling above themselves again this season, but they will not put enough resistance against Chelsea and will lose by a solitary goal.
Prediction 1-0 to Chelsea
And thats your lot for this week.... Hang on??? There is three more games as well by next Monday? My fingers will be in bits come the 2nd January!
Of course the next fixtures are on Boxing Day, which means writing on Christmas Day, and to be fair I will be as pissed as a Trans-Atlantic pilot when I come round to doing it, so it may not be that legible, but at least I am going to give it a crack!
Till then - pip-pip.
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