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MIDDLESBROUGH v WEST BROM TALE OF THE TAPE 16-2-07
Gordon Dalton
Some people do wondrous things and become heroes. Some are born heroes and become legends, generous with their skills and modest about their achievements. Boro fans will have the pleasure of welcoming back one of their own this weekend as a Boro legend returns to Teesside. Step forward...JONATHAN GREENING!
Of course, I am referring to Baggies manager, Tony Mowbray, or as I call him, Mr Mogga. Not only was Mr Mogga a monster and great leader on the pitch, he has shown a cool head in his managerial career.
Mr Mogga's reputation is up there with any Boro player, and is probably one of our best defenders ever, which is not easy when you consider we have had Boam, Woodgate, Southgate, Festa, Pearson and er, Kernaghan and Whelan.
So with the greatest of respect, all hail TONY MOWBRAY! LEGEND!
Now get into 'em, fuck 'em up!
DING DONG GOOK!
Round One!
Mark Schwarzer v Dean Kiely
For some reason, I cant get Dean Kiely out of my head, and have been wandering the streets singing 'La la la, lalalala'. This Minogue comparison was soon suffocated though when I remembered Kiely's mugshot. This is a man who makes Peter Beardsley look handsome. And that's not easy.
Skippy 8 - Kiely 7
Jonathan Woodgate v Curtis Davies
If we are going to progress to the next round we will need Woody back in the side, instead of at home pruning his hair and brushing up on his Spanish. Just a quick word on Curtis 'Small Dave' Davis from the Baggies official website: He had been christened 'Big Dave' - after the character from a TV advert. But his moniker had to be adapted by Albion fans owing to the fact new team-mate Darren Moore had already been branded 'Big Dave'!
And they say comedy is dead.(and this coming from TotT!)
Woody 9 - Davies 'Small 7'
Emanuel Pogatetz v Neil Clement
Poga looks a bit lost without Woody, which may explain why Poga can be seen wandering the streets of Eaglescliffe woefully crying 'Woooooooodyyyyy, Wooooooooooooodyyyyyy'.
Poga 7 - Clement 6
Abel Xavier v Paul McShane
Hi-de-hi! Ho-de-ho! Fresh from arseing about on a 'hilarious' holiday camp comedy, McShane went on to star in Lovejoy to great acclaim before heading Stateside and growing a big fat tache in Deadwood. I think. Actually, Paul McShane looks alarming like Steve McLaren, which makes him to blame for everything, including Abel's hair.
Burn him at the stake. Magnificent.
Abel 7 - McShane 6
Andrew Taylor v Paul Robinson
Taylor was woefully out of position for Brizzle's first goal on Tuesday, and will have to be careful of watching his opposite number's startling likeness to Spur's keeper and namesake. Hopefully, he will have similar ball skills.
Taylor 7 - Robinson 7
Stewart Downing v Jonathan Greening
I include Greening just to make the comparison with Downing. Here is a man, whose sub-Che Guavera looks would surely get him a place on Mr Gareth's bench (garden bench). Yet, his tackling skills make Stuart Downing look like The Thing from the Fantastic Four. As for crosses, he was more averse to that than his other lookalike, Jesus. Greening is up there with Job, Whelan and Marinelli in the Boro legends.
Downing 9 - Greening 5
Julio Arca v Robert Koren
Argentina take on Slovenia in this midfield battle of the nations. Arca missed the cup game due to flying back to his homeland to make love to all his Argentine valentines. TotT had a bad Valentine's day. I was looking forward to emptying my bulging sack, but at my age it gets quite difficult to summon such Arca-like energy.
Arca 7 - Koren 6
George Boateng v Darren Carter
The Boat got a smack in the face against Brizzle, and here's hoping it did him some good. The early signs were encouraging as he looked much better for the rest of the game, but then TotT realised Fabio Rochemback would make Stephen Hawking look good.
Boat 7 - Carter 7
Lee Cattermole v Zoltan Gera
Cattermole spent most of the Brizzle game trying to lynch the opposition. He would be advised to keep a closer eye on Flash Gordon baddie Zoltan Gera. Gera would have made a good right winger for Boro, so Clatters will probably take him out early doors, just in case Mr Gareth is making eyes at him again, the saucy devil.
Clatters 7 - Gera 8
Mark Viduka v John Hartson
TotT has long admired John Hartson. The way he manages to look like Two-Ton-Tony Tubbs from 2000AD whilst playing professional football gives hope to pie-eaters across the globe. Viduka's new contract was last seen orbiting one of Jupiter's moons. Keith Lamb said he was going to stick a probe up to try and find it, or at least that's what I thought he said.
Duke 9 - Hartson 7
Lee Dong Gook v Diomansy Kamara
The time is now, unleash the beast, batten down the hatches, run to the hills because here is a fully formed Boro cult hero, who will go on to manage West Brom before returning to manage our beloved club. Yes, I am drunk on Dong Gook fever, which at least takes the edge of those turkey twizzlers I had for my tea.
"Pick up your balls and load up your cannon, For a twenty-one gun salute,
For those about to Dong Gook, we salute you"
Dong Gook 10 - Kamara 8
Summary
Boro 87 - WBA 74
TotT doesn't hold many people in high regard, but Tony Mowbray stands out from the crowd. As a 22 year old, he guided us through the worst of times, and led us to, well, not quite the best of times but he was there. Welcome back Mr Mogga. TotT likes Mr Gareth as well, but give it a few years and I'd have Mogga back any day.
Anyway, that's enough praise. This will be a very hard game, especially if Rochemback is within 200 miles of the ground. We need to be our very best, score first, and second and third, before bringing on Dong Gook to score the fourth, fifth and sixth.
Then we may just get to penalties.
Boing Boing Baggie Baggies? Woof Woof Doggies Doggies!
Boro 2 - West Brom 1
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