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HARRY'S EURO REVIEWS
Here is Harry Haverton's preview of tomorrow's draw for round three of the UEFA Cup.
Things are becoming a little clearer as the hangover from last night's celebrations begins to wear off. Boro have won the 'Group of Death' after our second string strike force tore the Yugoslavs apart and there are now three teams who we have a 7/1 chance of drawing and another eleven who we could possibly meet.
When the names are pulled out of the hat at lunchtime tomorrow, this list will be down to the first three and four more from the second list. We will have a 7/1 chance of meeting any one team from that seven.
Definitely in the draw as third place finishers.
GAK, Ukraine This is where Vitalli Klitschko comes from, so they are probably all really hard over there. It's a freezing cold country as well, with temperatures reaching minus thirty in February, so take plenty of woollies and abig flask of soup if we have to go there.
Heerenveen, Holland This is quite close to Amsterdam and very easy to get to. You can even get a train from London if you want to. They're not doing great in the uncompetitive Dutch league and with the amount of Dutch players that we have in our squad, I think we will have no problem sussing their style. If they have a style of course.
Alemania Aachen I mentioned this lot a couple of weeks ago and you can find out more by reading Steve's report of last season's German Cup Final. A plum draw for us if we get them.
Possibly in the draw as third place finishers, depending on tonight's results.
Hearts, Basel or Ferencvaros. Well we want Hearts really so that we can rip the piss out of Stampy when we give them a good hiding and I think it will be them who go into the hat tomorrow. I just can't see Basel beating Feyenoord. So get your kilts out and get ready for a trip to Edinburgh, which is about as warm as Klitschko land apparently.
Besiktas or Standard Liege. Standard Liege are my favourites to make it tonight. Another one that's easy to get to and the Belgians make really good beer as well. None of that fizzy lager that we were on in Spain, so I wouldn't mind a trip to Liege.
Club Brugge, Austria or Real Zaragoza. It's Zaragoza all the way here, so back to the fizzy lager again.
Sochaux, Sporting Lisbon or Panionios I'll go for Sporting Lisbon here because I fancy the Geordies to beat them tonight, despite old Ebeneezer Souness cancelling their Christmas knees up and the constant wailing and knashing of teeth that is coming out of Newcastle right now.
So there you have it, Harry's preview of who we could be up against on 17th and 24th February. As soon as the draw is made, we will publish some travel information and details of the opposition.
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3rd December 2004
We're there now. Into the last thirty two of the UEFA Cup and who's to say that we can't go on to win it? A win against Partizan Belgrade on 15th December will see us top the group and get the 'easier' draw in the next round.
As soon as the draw is made for the next stage, on Friday 17th December 1300, we will once again be bringing you as much travel information as we can and hopefully, another specialist travel package as well. Stay posted for information.
Meanwhile, here's Harry Haverton's rundown on who we may be up against in the next round.
If we beat Partizan and win Group E
Group winners get drawn against third placed teams from the other UEFA Cup groups, which is a bloody daft way of doing it if you ask me. There is a serious chance that Partizan may play to get beat next week, so that they don't finish second and end up with Real Madrid or somebody like that. Suits us fine if they do.
Should we beat Partizan, then we will get a draw against one of eight teams who scrape it through and my prediction for who will be in the bag against us is:
From Group A: Basel of Switzerland. If we get top place and end up going there, we can bring a load of cuckoo clocks back to sell in the Dundas Arcade.
From Group B: Besiktas of Turkey. I was watching their highlights on TV last night and they had giant sofas, pens and tea cups on the touchline. Bloody daft if you ask me.
From Group C: Austria of well... Austria. A country so small that they had to enter their national team. No taking the piss with Sound of Music songs if we go there. OK, just a little bit then.
From Group D: Sochaux of France. I call these So-shite after that good stuffing that the Geordies gave them last week. No worries about Boro winning comfortably if we get these.
From Group F: Auxerre, another load of Frenchies. A bit better than So-shite but still nothing to worry about for us, as we have the only decent French player in the world, even though he keeps getting sent off. The rest are just bloody rubbish really.
From Group G: Dinamo Zagreb of Croatia. I think Alan Boksick plays for these now so they won't be scoring many against us. I don't fancy any of these Eastern Bloc teams really. Their outlook on life is too grey, so another easy draw for Boro.
From Group H: Alemannia Aachen of Germany. These are only in the German second division so it will be a cakewalk for us. I fancy this one because Steve lives there and we can all crash at his place if we get them.
If we draw with Partizan.
We could still finsh second but if they beat us, which they won't, then where we finish all depends on the Villareal Egalio result. If we do come second, we get to play a Champions League reject and my tip for the eight in the bag are:
Liverpool. You don't need me to elaborate on this lot. We just whupped them in the league, so another easy draw for us.
Bayer Leverkusen. Going quite well in the Bundesliga right now but should be no match for the might of Ironopolis. Had a coach a couple of seasons back who was thirty five stone. They sacked him for getting crap results and for being a fat bastard.
Ajax Amsterdam. Well I hope we get Ajax because I love Amsterdam. Won't be taking the Mrs though... They're not as good as they are cracked up to be and if we get these, then expect a draw in Amsterdam and the lads to turn them over at our place.
Fenerbahce. A draw we could do without actually. I don't fancy these tricky Turkish sides and I don't fancy meeting Ali Baba down a Turkish side street at midnight either. No thank you.
Arsenal. Another draw that we don't want. But don't we always get these is the cups? You can see it coming can't you and then we'll have to put up with that wrinkly old dalek saying "I did not see the draw so I cannot comment about Middlesbroe..." Oh God!
Celtic. This is more attractive and you can just imagine the reception that Juninho would get as well. A tricky match though and one I'd prefer to steer clear of.
Valencia. Well we've just been there, haven't we. Team should be no problem, even though Ranieri is now on a run of six wins but watch out for the Spanish coppers. Bastards!
Porto. European Champions but a pushover for us really. Since Mourinho left, they are not a force any more and we'll do them, easy.
Should we get beat by Partizan
Well I'll be very unhappy for a start but what it means is that we get to play a UEFA Cup group winner, who will probably include:
From Group A: Feyenoord of Holland. Ruud Gullitt's team and he's doing OK there as well. Best not to draw these until the very later stages when Dutch teams traditionally bottle it.
From Group B: Steaua Bucharest of Romania. I don't want to go here! They shoot people in the street and torture foreigners. No thanks.
From Group C: Real Zaragoza of Spain. Have you seen the state of their pitch? For a hot country, it was a bloody disgrace. Waterlogged it was. Unbelievable. Mediocre side at best, so if we get these, no worries.
From Group D: Newcastle United. Piss poor bunch of Jocks who had their heads kicked in. No more to be said really.
From Group F: Glasgow Rangers. I fancy this one alright. Bring your penny whistles for this one. Instead of swapping pennants, we could have a ceremonial swapping of national foods. Southgate hands over a parmo in the centre circle and gets a haggis in return. Maybe not.
From Group G: Benfica of Portugal. My favourite team of the tournament so far (apart from Boro of course). Absolutely thrashed Beveren last night. One to avoid.
From Group H: Seville, Spain. Better to get a bit of variety I think, so we don't really want to be going back to Spain just yet. Better to wait until the sun is out I think but Seville are not really a big threat so we should be OK.
So there's Harry's rundown of who Boro might get in the next round. If you think you know who we are going to draw on 17th December, then why not enter our exclusive competition. Just hit the link below.
| 2004/05 UEFA Cup match calendar |
| Stage |
Dates |
| Group stage, matchday 5, Partizan Belgrade (H) |
15 & 16.12.2004 |
| First knockout round, 1st leg |
16 & 17.02.2005 |
| First knockout round, 2nd leg |
24.02.2005 |
| Second knockout round, 1st leg |
10.03.2005 |
| Second knockout round, 2nd leg |
16 & 17.03.2005 |
| Quarter-finals, 1st leg |
07.04.2005 |
| Quarter-finals, 2nd leg |
14.04.2005 |
| Semi-finals, 1st leg |
28.04.2005 |
| Semi-finals, 2nd leg |
05.05.2005 |
| Final (Lisbon, Portugal) |
18.05.2005 |
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