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BIRMINGHAM CITY PLAYER RATINGS
Jamie Kennedy
Taylor
Northern Irish flapper, rejected by Fulham and had to take a massive step down to Birmingham.
Melchiot
Rentboy reject, also known as "the shit one with dreadlocks". Has a girl's name and looks like he sits down to piss.
Upson
Also known as 'oops son, not again'. Donkey like centre back with a passion for headbutting the six yard box. I fancy us having more shots than a night out with Bryan Robson.
Cunningham
Ginger lad made cool from association with The Fonz. If it ain't him I have no idea. I'm sorry.
Clapham
Last time I had the 'Clapham' it was very itchy indeed. I bet The Jasper Carrots wish he was as effective as the GUM clinic.
Gray
I remember seeing Palace play and thinking that their wingers looked alike. One was shit and the other was good. The good one has signed for Spurs. The Chris Freestone of the Brum team and that's being generous.
Butt
Is American for Arse and the Geordies didn't even want him. Hmmm, thinking of young Nicky Butt, he is ginger, balding, a Man Utd reject famed for his boring style of play and lack of personality. Remind you of anyone?
Pennant
Gooner reject jail bird. Enjoyed his stay with Bubba in the concrete hotel a little too much if the way he sticks out his arse when running is anything to go by.
Clemence
Who, I hear you cry? Well I'm fucked if I know? Shall I just list some of Steve Bruce's signings and we can laugh at them instead? Ok, Morrison haha, Heskey haha, Dunn haha, Gronkjier haha, Izzet haha, Melchiot haha... oh, I'm going to have to stop.
Pandiani
Usually kept out of the team by Emile Heskey *cough* splutter* *snigger* haha, nicknamed the rifle and that's exactly what he would have got by now had he been a race horse.
Forssell
Ginger striker famed for his bench sitting at Chelsea and being made of glass. Some people say we missed out on this man? Remember when we missed out on David Dunn? Nothing more needs to be said.
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