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CHELSEA v MIDDLESBROUGH TALE OF THE TAPE
Czech v Schwarzer
Petr 'check my clean sheets out' to his friends may find our big Aussie more
of a challenge than normal. Schwarzer can look really intimidating at times. So
expect a few soiled ones to be found on the morning of the match in Petr's
bedding. Schwarzer has a big punch, can drink loads, unlike his opposite number who
will go down with one lager top.
Czech 8pts Schwarzer 8pts
Ferreira v Quedrue
Franck is having a nightmare spell form-wise. But at least people know who he
is. Ferreira on the other hand is that Spanish guy isn't he? What's that?.....
Oh right, he's Portuguese. Same thing isn't it?. Still French Franck will start
his own Peninsular War on his Portuguese opposite, and win with his own Siege of
Almeida.
Ferreira 7pts Quedrue 8pts
Terry v Eghiogu
John Terry All Gold likes his bling and will be hoping to land some more on
his 25th birthday next week. Ugo on the other hand is looking to give his own
present and help inflict a defeat on his counterpart. Ugo is returning to form
nicely, so watch out for a huge performance from him. He'll need it as JT is
England's best "domestic" centre half. Terry to win in the fifth.
JT 10pts Ugo 7pts
Gallas v Southgate
Juve target Gallas will be looking to impress his suitors. Southgate won't, as
he is impressive no matter what. Southgate has just started his Christmas
shopping. He's been recently spotted at that McArthur Glenn design shopping
outlet near York. Makes a change from Marksies in Harrogate. Southgate to
"check out" Galas in the eighth.
Gallas 7pts Southgate 8pts
Del Horno v Parnaby
Del Horno has got the biggest porn name in the Premiership. Parnaby has got one
of the biggest chins in the Premiership. Let's hope Stuart will be rubbing his
hands after the match, taunting Del horno with chants of "Good game, good
game" (ala Brucie style). Parnaby to win with a cuddly toy in the tenth.
Del Porno 6pts Parnaby 7pts
SWP v Pogatetz
The question on every Boro fans lips will be- 'How long into the game before
Pogatetz scythes down SWP?' Pogatetz is becoming a real hard man in the
Premiership. SWP will have to be at his trickery best. Pogatetz will struggle
with SWP's pace, but SWP will certainly know he's been in a game. SWP to "wrap it
up" with his "speed", in the sixth.
SWP 8pts Pogatetz 7pts
Lampard v Boateng
Boateng has to have one of his best games. Lampard is on the short list for world
player of the year, which sums it up really...
Lampard 10pts Boateng 7pts
J Cole v Rochemback
The shandy drinking southerner will find that Fabio can match him in the skill
stakes. The difference between the two is that Cole is up to the pace of the
Premiership, whilst Rochemback is still finding his feet. Let's hope Fabio turns
out his best performance so far, just like his colleagues. Honours even. We
hope...
Cole 8pts Rochemback 8pts
Essien v Doriva
The former Bastia player is still looking for his first goal in England. The
£24.5million player will be looking to score as he celebrates his 23rd birthday. Doriva however, is on a mission to show him what value for money means. Watch
him snuff out all that the Ghanaian can throw at him. Honours even.
Essien 7pts Dorviva 7pts
Gudjohnsen v Nemeth
Nemeth is having a mini revival of late in the Boro team. Eidur certainly has
been used as a bit part this season, so both players have a lot in common. Form
will tell in this bout. Again, points even.
Gudjohnsen 7pts Nemeth 7pts
Drogba v Yakubu
This is certainly one bout Boro will win head to head. The Yak is bang in form
and is ahead of Drogba in the goal scoring charts. Let's hope the Boro fans that
have paid FORTY EIGHT POUNDS A BLOODY TICKET, see him celebrate. Scandalous
pricing.
Drogba 7pts Yak 9pts
Total score:
Chelsea 85pts Boro 83pts
My heart says Boro to scrape a 1-0 win. My head says Chelsea to win 3-1.
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