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MIDDLESBROUGH v SUNDERLAND TALE OF THE TAPE
Ian Barker
Schwarzer v Davies
With a name like Kelvin, the Mackem keeper needs all the help in the
world. The former monkey hanger loanee will be taken to the gallows by
our own Ned Kelly as Schwarzer will add to Davies Boo Boys. Schwarzer
within the first round with a big fuck off rope.
Schwarzer 8pts Davies 3pts
Quedrue v Nosworthy
I am not worthy! I am not worthy! Cries the Mackem, as Quedrue shows
the
Mackem how to play football the man's way. The Big Brixton born lad will
shit himself with all the trimmings as funtime unleashes his box of
tricks in the second.
Quedrue 8pts Nosworthy 2pts
Ugo v Stubbs
When little, Alan was a little porker and his nickname was Tubs. The
33 year old has lost a load of weight since, but he still won't out size
Ugo
in the loin department. Watch Ugo whip out his weapon in the fifth.
Ugo 8pts Stubbs 4pts
Southgate v Breen
The former Peterborough, Birmingham, Coventry and Hammer man thinks
he's
the bees knees in the centre of the Mackem's defense. Well he's not
even in the same league as Gareth -well technically Breen is, but you
know what I mean! - Anyway, Southgate is just too classy. Southgate to
win in the third with a pipe and slippers.
Southgate 8pts Breen 3pts
Xavier v Hoyte
The young gunner faces an impressive Abel. The Portuguese raver shoots
with some impressive disco moves. This will leave the gunner bedazzled
by his flowing hair and football trickery. Hoyte however is a big lad
and not to be messed with, but Abel doesn't give a toss, and wins with
heads in the first.
Xavier 8pts Hoyte 3pts
Rochemback v Arca
The two South Americans will be asking themselves how the hell they
both
ended up in the sunny climate of the North East? The Brazilian against
the Argentinean, Fabio shows there is no love lost between these two
nations as he dominates the midfield and leaves Arca in his shadow.
Rochemback in the first with a nut.
Rochemback 8pts Arca 2pts
Boateng v Miller
Another former hanger who has yet to recapture his form this season,
and in a side like Blunderland he never will. Boateng's searching for a
new deal at the club. This will hopefully take him and his family off
benefits, so a big performance is never too far away. Boateng to show
"Windy" Miller that this is no kid's show in the third.
Boatang 8pts Windy 3pts
Mendieta v Whitehead
Mendi has played for Valencia, Lazio and Barca. Dean has played for
Oxford. Say no more! Mendy in the first.
Mendy 8pts Shitehead 1pt
Morrison v Basilla
The French christian will be looking for God after James's hard running
will frighten the living Jesus out of him. Morrison just gets better
after every game he plays. A close call, but the boro lad wins in the
fifth.
Morrison 8pts Basilla 4pts
Viduka v Elliott
The former Man City Irishman was spotted laughing his head off in
Doncaster mid week at the plight of his former team mates. Watch
Stuart Pearce's boys get their own back as Dukes squashes him with two
quick strikes in the first round, leaving him in space looking for ET!
Viduka 9pts Elliott 1pt
Yakubu v Stead
Probably the worst striker in the premiership, playing for the worst
team in the premiership. Say no more! Watch Yakubu send the Mackem to
Redcar's very own Stead hospital.
Yak 8pts Stead 1pt
Total score:
Boro 89pts Mackems 27pts
A 5-0 win to the Boro.
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