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CHEAT OF THE WEEK 8-12-06
It's that time of the week again where our panel gets together to decide who was the biggest cheat of the previous week.
Here's this week's nominations. There are no prizes for guessing which club features heavily .
Cristiano Ronaldo - the show pony shows his true colours. We all wondered how long it would take him to revert to type.
'Sir' Alex Ferguson - "It is revenge for the English press," he said. "They have been waiting months to do this since the World Cup." - Oh grow up you big girl, it's because he cheated constantly throughout the match. And as for calling Southgate's justifiable criticism "naive"...well that's truly pitiful.
Robin Van Persie - there it is again, that cynical handball.
And so to the panel.
Simon Dixon:
Well no prizes for guessing who is going to win this week....
Full marks to the lad though - he has shown that there really is no beginning to his warmth and charm. Having treated us to his best Norman Wisdom impression on the pitch, he then comes out for the press conference with Mr Grimsdale in tow and proceeds to slag off Gareth Southgate:
"Southgate stopped playing football last year. He needs to understand football much better," said the acne-ridden excuse-for-a-human-being.
Absolutely right. When did we ever see Gareth perform seventeen pointless step-overs every time he got the ball and then throw himself to the ground at every opportunity?
I always thought that it was only call-girls who spent their time at work flat on their back with their legs in the air, moaning non-stop. Turns out I was wrong, hey Cristiano.
Dave Easson:
Cristiano Ronaldo it is. The penalty was bad, but the one where he went past Boateng and flung himself to the floor had the press box in stitches!
Sometimes you've just got to laugh. The dreadful thing is that he's a great player and could probably have dribbled round Schwarzer twice before walking it in. So why go down like that?
The Boateng incident has just reminded me. When George was having his little chat with the referee, with Mr Foy insisting that Boateng had clattered Ronaldo, up came everyone's favourite "Johnny Big B*llocks" Gary Neville to stick his oar in and ask why he didn't send Schwarzer off five minutes ago! Is it harsh to wish harm on another human being? If indeed that's what he is.
Graham Frankland:
I'm really in a quandary with this one because I want to give it to both nominations from the Theatre of Dreams, appropriately named as they both must be dreaming if they expect us to believe anything other than our Portuguese ballet dancer dived/stumbled/fell over or whatever you wanna call it.
The fact is he cheated.
What is just as annoying is that even having seen the video evidence Sir Alex (what a joke knighthood that is) tries to convince us and all his mates in the media that the penalty was warranted. His mates obviously fell under his spell, obviously not wanting to fall out with him but I'm certainly not for sucking up to him that's for sure.
So Mr Ferguson, you are a cheat and for that you get my nomination because even when the evidence is put in front of you, you still can't bring yourself to admit that your little dicky dancing winger is what everyone knows...... a cheat the same as you.
Andrew Morgan:
This is difficult.
Looking at the Ronaldo incident time and time again I believe he more stumbled than took a dive, anticipating to be clattered by Schwarzer. Why else would he go down in the area with an open goal in front of him? It just makes no sense.
Yet I also believe that he made the most of it once he knew he was going over. Furthermore he wasn't quick to deny that it was a penalty, accepting the gift with his odious smile.
It is this that is at the heart of the controversy and also is at the core of Alex Ferguson's defence of his man.
But this begs the question is this cheating or just using circumstance to your own end? Had it been the other way around I am sure we would have gratefully accepted the penalty.
For this reason I'm going to have to go with Robin van Persie. His handballs are becoming all to frequent and he needs to stamp it out. This is not as prominent an issue as diving but it is still cheating nonetheless. As the jury is still out with Ronaldo, I'm going to have to go with the Arsenal man.
And so the winner is Ronaldo. A shimmy, a run, a Fosberry Flop to the floor - it's what good players are made of. But not great players. So congratulations, you've shown us just why this simulation needs to be stamped out.
Until next week.
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Cheat Of The Week wil be published every week. No bullshit. No more cheating. Enough is enough. Contact us here with your nominations for Cheat of the Week.
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