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CHEAT OF THE WEEK 6-2-07
James Bassett
Nominating two Arsenal players last week certainly raised the ire of some of our Gooner readers. So, before we get down to the business of this week's nominations, here's a selection of the feedback we received, with spelling left intact for comedy value.
Sly grabbed his nearest red crayon and passed a note saying, "your nomination is bullshit!!!! at its peak. did you wacth all matches to come out with this naive nomination?" under our office door. We've had several cryptographers on the case all week and we're still not exactly sure what Sly means.
Robin Scandutch, meanwhile, felt that we missed a more obvious contender. "Cheat of the season is definitely Savage, or should I say Cheat of the Premier Leaugue (ever), but hey, everyone already knew that!," reckoned Robin, which is probably a fair comment, but it's called Cheat of the Week for a reason and Savage is currently off our radar as he's recovering from a richly deserved broken leg. There, we said it.
Mr Boucher, who was at pains to point out is not a Gooner, gave us a stream of consciousness that any habitual user of Bolivian marching powder would be proud of. "He is labled as a hard man just because he is allowed to foul and get away with it but as you boro fans are a bit jealous that arsenal play great football and think that fouling and late tackles should be allowed you forget about what else goes on...'dirty football is dirty football plain and simple' im sure you will give the award to arsenal players cause mixing it is allowed unless one of you players get on the wrong end of a 'meaty challenge' hang your heads in shame for worrying about adebuyor when more serious stuff is going on. my award for cheat of the week goes to FAYE." We're not exactly sure what he meant, but thanks for getting in touch anyway, Bouch.
And just as we were giving up hope, Mick restored our faith in human nature.. well, perhaps not nature, but at least literacy, by dropping us a line to say, "Thank you for not choosing Manu.... we were playing Spuds, so it was justified! Also - any takers for starting a charity whereby those supporters who benefit from enlightened chairman (or rather, and not to give them too much credit, those who are worried about their emptying stadia) can supplement those who don't. I keep telling myself that Arsenal shifting 60,000 tickets for this weeks 'reserve' match is a good thing... but probably gives a message to the chairman that we haven't reached the ticket price ceiling just yet!! Keep up the good work."
Arsenal fans will be delighted to know that as soon as we work out a way to put Thierry Henry and his nauseating goal celebration up for nomination, we will.
Enough blathering, time for this week's nominations...
Luis Boa Morte
Ever since he appeared on MTV's Footballers' Cribs, we've had a lot of time for Luis Boa Morte. The way he appeared driving not a convertible Bentley Continental GT, but a Vauxhall Corsa; the way he admitted that his son whupps him at computer games; the way he admitted that he only had one suit - a Fulham club suit, at that; and the way that he admitted that he'd never been into his back garden despite living in the house for two years.. Yes, Luis Dead Snake was self-effacing, charming and lazy, qualities that endeared him to your Cheat of the Week host. However, a cheat's a cheat and he deserves outing.
We know West Ham's situation is bleak, but that's no excuse for triple-piking over Jose Reina in a vain attempt to win a penalty late in Tuesday's league game with Liverpool. The referee didn't award a penalty, but where was the yellow card for diving?
Xabi Alonso
It's the 88th minute of a local derby and your team are being frustrated by the opposition adopting an over-whelmingly unambitious formation. Nonetheless, that's no excuse for stamping on the knee of an 18-year-old opponent. Victor Anichebe is lucky he didn't sustain serious injury and Alonso - usually a classy player - deserves a stiff punishment. Being a Liverpool midfielder, of course, he'll get no such thing.
Cristiano Ronaldo
Ronaldo or Yakubu, Ronaldo or Yakubu, Ronaldo or Yakubu.. We have to admit, it was a close-run thing, but while Yakubu did go down very easily for a 13 stone, 6ft striker, there was, at least, indisputable contact. Ronaldo, on the other hand, suffered no foul whatsoever. He's a mesmerising talent and the league's best player (you hear that, dancing boy?), which makes it all the more frustrating that he resorts to such shady antics.
And so to the panel...
Steve Goldby
Ronaldo could probably be the best player in the world right now, having arguably overtaken Ronaldinho but, as stated in this week's nominations, he absolutely ruins it by cheating. I hope he has regrets when in years to come he looks at the league title medal he will almost certainly collect this season as he has tarnished it.
I was also incredibly annoyed with George Graham for almost condoning it by saying that 'players will go down these days' as though it is acceptable. Respected pundits such as Graham are in prime position to make a stand against antics such as Ronaldo's but clearly lack the bottle to do so. Perhaps we should take a stand against them as well?
James Bassett
Diving abhors me, but no more so than cynical challenges do, and Victor Anichebe was really lucky not to be seriously hurt as Xabi Alonso nastily aimed his studs at his kneecap. Alan Wiley saw the incident and deemed a freekick to be sufficient but it amazes me that there has been no further mention of the foul and that Everton aren't petitioning for a post-match punishment. Maybe if Alonso didn't play for Liverpool he'd get what he deserved.
Jeff Winter
If you heard my Sky News interview yesterday, you will know the answer to this one. I hear that Ronaldo is likely to be voted player of the year by his fellow professionals. If this happens we might as well shut up shop. The game is a fucking cesspit of money-grabbing, diving, cheating and conning. Ronaldo is the king, but smiles and winks and it's all part of the game. Is it bollocks, fans are voting with their feet at many grounds. I am starting to hate the game I have loved all my life.
Graham Frankland
The decision for me this week is very straight forward, I only saw the Ronaldo incident so can't comment on the other two. That being said Cristiano is rapidly becoming the Patron Saint of divers which is sad really because for sheer talent he is probably the player of the season so far. As in his previous nomination for our prestigious award the condemnation from within the United camp is deafening (ahem) which will ultimately detract from their possible Premiership trophy winning season.
Ronaldo.......you are cheating twat........goodbye (I wish).
Simon Dixon
Got to say that I've no doubt that Yabuku took a dive. And what's more, it looked like he waited until he was in the penalty area to go to ground. If he had been nominated, it would have been a very hard decision for me. But he wasn't, so I'm off the hook and free to vote for pantomime baddie Cristiano Ronaldo.
So much talent and yet such a cheating pr*ck. Why do refs give him the benefit of the doubt week-after-week? It can't all be down to the 'Old Trafford Factor'. If it was up to me, he'd never again get so much as a sniff of a free-kick let alone a penalty.
Do idiots like this make the game by stimulating interest and debate, or ruin it by cheating?
Doesn't matter to me, he gets my vote anyway.
All of which means that Cristiano Ronaldo becomes the first person to win the Cheat of the Week award on two separate occasions. His talent is undeniable and it's clear from his form this season that he thrives on hostile receptions from opposing fans, but you'd think by now he'd realise that he doesn't need to resort to cheating to succeed as a world class player.
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Cheat Of The Week is published weekly. No bullshit. No more cheating. Enough is enough. Contact us here with your nominations for Cheat of the Week.
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