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CHEAT OF THE WEEK 10-1-08
Peter Owen
Welcome to the most upfront feature the face of football has ever eyed. It promotes honesty and relegates cheats - and has no match.
This weekend saw the magic of the third round of the FA Cup but some play this weekend tarnished that lustre. We aim to name and shame all those who cheated this week.
Here are the nominations:
Brett Poate - Havant & Waterlooville
You are another two-footed lunge cheating violent thug who could have crippled Andrea Orlandi.
Tom Huddlestone - Spurs
You are a cheater and any act of head-butting encourages other brainless idiots.
Liam Trotter - Ipswich
A lunge is a lunge and a tackle is a tackle.
And so to this weeks panel:
Alistair Griffin
Ah the romance of the cup, the folklaw and fairytale, David and Goliath and the return of the three footed challenge.
There were some shocking tackles at the weekend but this was the 'shockingist' of all. The brawl that followed Brett Poates challenge would have had the Duke of Wellington turning in his grave.
Bring on the battle of Waterlooville... Brett Poate.
Simon Dixon
It's got to be Brett Poate for me. It was a horrible, horrible challenge that makes you wince every time you see it.
The ridiculous fracas which followed was almost as bad though; half handbags, half fists flying. Those lads need to grow up.
I didn't think Trotter's challenge was too bad to be honest whereas Huddlestone's was just pathetic.
Analysis:
Poate, you are another two-footed thug who could have crippled a fellow player and may well have cheated him out of pursuing his career and also left him depending on aids!
The idiots who poured blame on the referee could not reason to control a game of
Subbuteo because the energy which fields their senses only sees one strip.
That's why I introduced Candid Camera into this feature!
That camera has no equal because it can look any player in the eye without putting
a foot on the pitch and it can silence any gob-s***e without whispering a single word.
If Candid Camera had been switched on after the game, several others who were also involved in unsavoury incidents would have been in trouble because whilst the cat is away, the mice will always play.
Those who cheat behind the ref's back are sometimes the worst offenders because they believe their cheating cunningness will never be exposed.
Huddlestone of Spurs is another cheating Jack Sprat.
Next time you tempt to use your head, do it well away from the face of football because thousands of children watch the game to learn and your school of thought is damaging.
The Liam Trotter incident was a complete farce that should be on the Disney Channel.
How on earth Graham Poll ended up on Match of the Day beggar's belief. Yellow Pages have him down under their magician's section, since he pulled off that amazing card trick called unprepared incompetence.
However, Turkish Delight to the programme for applauding the honesty of Tuncay of the Boro for prevailing to stay upright after an Everton defender had taken his feet away.
If that same incident had seen your legs Ronaldo, you would have ended up in a pit shaft and come up looking like Nat King Coal.
Every game has a set of rules and they are not in place to be cheapened by any party because to rule is their set purpose.
Feigning injury is a peanut these days compared to any incident on or off the ball, which carries a cheat's parcel to cripple and an elbow can cause untold damage.
Modern day technology could clean up the beautiful game if time, patience and the fruits of common sense were blended together with the spirit of competence.
Thankfully, Andrea Orlandi of Swansea somehow became survivor number 0000's of this ever increasing image to harm without the bat of an eyelid.
The name on life's ball is enjoyment, regardless of the way we all kick the sod about, yet respect is the diminishing ruler.
If you agree or disagree with our panellists on any aspect of this feature, then have the balls to shout up but please put your name on the lace.
Finally, when the Battle of Waterlooville recommences the Jolly Roger should be lowered but whoever sails down the Mersey is going to need all hands on deck.
Footnote
A cheat is a person who acts dishonestly and that rule book governs this feature of care!
Cheat of the Week
The Battle of Waterlooville
Napoleon Bona Poate
Cheat Of The Week is published weekly. No bullshit. No more cheating. Enough is enough. Contact us here with your nominations for Cheat of the Week.
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