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CHEAT OF THE WEEK 31-1-08
Peter Owen
Welcome to Cheat of the Week - the most upfront feature the face of football has ever eyed. It promotes honesty and relegates cheats - and has no match.
There were no letters this week so it's straight on to this week's nominations:
Simon Brown - Mansfield
You tried to use Julio Arca as your diving board but were told to find your feet, you cheat.
Robert Huth - Boro
Now that was a gut-sy performance, in which you were guilty of thinking it was a one-legged tie!
And so on to the panel:
Simon Dixon
Huth deserves his nomination even if there were other worse offenders this week.
The Mansfield player who executed a perfect rugby tackle on Aliadiere also deserves to be mentioned as does Ronaldo.
My personal favourite, however, is the BBC. They cheated us all out of the real "cup-tie" of the round by refusing to broadcast Liverpool v Havant.
Jeff Winter
It's only a pity that the referee did not issue a yellow card to Simon Brown to act as a deterrent. No doubt he will try this again in League Two and possibly get away with it.
James Bassett
It's got to be Robert Huth, surely.
Peter's analysis:
Firstly, I deliberately omitted Robert Huth from my first nomination list because I took the decision upon myself to test out the waters of observance, not loyalty.
I often get placed in the very same position by members of our expert panellists and with the same token of respect, I may roll that dice of discretion to the fact that we dominate!
The FA Cup lived up to its name and a few foreign players may never hold its handles but at least they now know its value and also that it takes no prisoners.
Some players love to dish it out but cannot take it. Yet the competent referee is well aware of what's going on behind his back.
I am also well aware of what decision a referee should administer. However,
what one ref gives, another may allow to escape... for their own individual reasons.
Mansfield were blown away by Boro in a game which had three controversial incidents, not the sole-one, which some of those sour faced Stags have taken to comment on.
Therefore you lot need putting right for starters, so it's eyes down for those three replays.
If Huth had seen a red card then it was on himself and those words are not yellow
skinned so please bear that in mind.
When Aliadiere was taken down by Martin, the ref could have also shown a red card
but chose not to, even though the nearest man to the incident was a greyhound away.
When Clown Brown decided to chance his dive, the ref never bought a ticket for his
Circus. But in fairness, he should have shown him a yellow card and smacked his arse.
Given the overall conditions of the day and taken all things into consideration, I thought
the referee had an excellent game, as did those in the other cup ties as well.
Far too many people take too much notice of those idiots on the telly who referee
each game from a seat on Planet Criticism, They know sweet FA about its difficulties or the rules and their brains of understanding are stone cold.
However, our expert panellists have duly awarded Robert Huth of the Boro the title of Cheat of the Week and my role is to simply acknowledge their expertise.
All such pre-meditated acts warrant an immediate red card and the worst offenders,
the two -footed thugs, are still escaping what should be a formality.
However, Brown of Mansfield is a diver and his breed should have their wings clipped with a six match ban because his sort are the lowest football has in play.
It's just a pity that the morons who were kicking the balls to interrupt play hadn't been handed a dozen helium balloons each because they would now be on Russian Radar.
So, I challenge any Mansfield fan, or any other who disputes our findings to have the balls to email us and not wear a false nose. That means put your name on your balls.
Only one Premier League game was played at the weekend and that multi-coloured
parrot called Mark Hughes was back on the same old perch, cheating his seedy eyes.
When Blackburn finally get hammered, it should be some Match of the Day, unless the producer puts a ten second time clock on his bell.
The BBC's choice of their live screened Cup matches needed bringing to attention and I am pleased that Simon Dixon registered that fact.
Havant and Waterlooville were on a Lottery Ticket and the producer of the show goes
and chooses Mansfield Town - who were on an incredible journey themselves - against all the odds.
He is touting for suggestions to improve the show and now you know bloody well why.
There is only one Messiah, so for God's sake let football get real. Those Toons live in a land of make believe and it looks like a grey world of Grecian 2008 to me.
If anyone spots a helicopter circling around St James' Park on Sunday do not panic. It may be Sunburnt Sam doing his belated lap of honour on a wing and a prayer.
This feature will never have an equal or an impersonator because our expert panellists are the Premiership.
All and sundry read it because it cuts no corners, favours no-one and carries a magnet which pulls in a massive crowd every week. I wonder why?
Finally, this is your feature, so please shout up. Those Mansfield Moaners won't...
Cheat of the Week
Robert Huth
Cheat Of The Week is published weekly. No bullshit. No more cheating. Enough is enough. Contact us here with your nominations for Cheat of the Week.
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