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THE DREAMING DJ (With Inbuilt Music Quiz) 7-9-07
Louis Spence
Last Sunday my partner (female of course) and I went to stay with our friends Alan and Pat (female of course) in Chapel Stile in the Langdale Valley, the heart of the Lake District.
As Monday turned out to be a beautiful sunny day we decided to attempt a long trek in the high fells above the valley, taking in four peaks of over 2000 feet, namely Loft Crag, Pike O' Stickle, Harrison Stickle and Pavey Ark.
We returned triumphant in a state of terminal fatigue and crawled along for some life-prolonging refreshment in the famous Old Dungeon Ghyll Hikers Bar - a 300 year old hostelry beloved of the hardy weirdy beardy rock climbing types that festoon this valley. Like ants. Definitely the non-U type. Bessie, Mabel etc.
Three pints of Old Peculier later we staggered back (and forth) to our lovely little cottage. The lasses cooked up a fine meal as me and Al got stuck into the Chianti (be rude not to). Feeling exhausted we retired to our own quarters - (no, its not that type of story) - to catch up on some eagerly awaited kip.
And I fell into a deep slumber, just like a grim fairy tale. Once upon a climb perhaps? Conveniently for this column, no.
I dreamed that I was the DJ at the Premier League Managers annual shindig. All of our favourite sons were in attendance and thus it became my duty to play a song for each of them.
Incidentally I remember when George Best's Swedish conquest Eva Haraldstad had played 'Leaving on a Jet Plane' for him at a Manchester night club to herald her sad departure back to Skandyhoolyland, unloved and unwanted. George, ever the gallant, returned the favour by having Get Back played for her. You soppy old romantic, Bestie.
Listed next are the songs I chose for our overstressed and overpaid managers. I have removed the names of the singers to enable you obsessive pop quizzers to come up with the answers. All of these were top twenty hits. 'A long long time ago....'
| Billy Davies |
Absolute Beginners |
(5,5) |
1986 |
| Sammy Lee |
I Should Have Known Better |
(3,7) |
1984 |
| Steve Coppell |
Down Down |
(6,3) |
1974 |
| Roy Keane |
Don't Give Up On Us |
(5,4) |
1976 |
| Steve Bruce |
Livin' On A Prayer |
(3,4) |
1986 |
| Lawrie Sanchez |
You've Got Your Troubles |
(8) |
1965 |
| Martin Jol |
Heart of Glass |
(7) |
1979 |
| Harry Redknapp |
Suspicious Minds |
(5,7) |
1969 |
| Gareth Southgate |
You Got What It Takes |
(13) |
1977 |
| Alan Curbishley |
Guilty |
(6) |
1974 |
| Martin O'Neill |
High Hopes |
(5,7) |
1959 |
| Chris Hutchins |
Please Help Me I'm Falling |
(4,7) |
1960 |
| Alex Ferguson |
The Carnival Is Over |
(7) |
1965 |
| Mark Hughes |
Physical |
(6,6,4) |
1981 |
| Sam Allardyce |
System Addict |
(4,4) |
1986 |
| S.G.Eriksson |
Romeo |
(6,6) |
1961 |
| Jose Mourinho |
You're So Vain |
(5,5) |
1972 |
| David Moyes |
Keep On Running |
(7,5,5) |
1966 |
| Arsene Wenger |
Poetry in Motion |
(6,9) |
1961 |
| Rafa Benitez |
Catch Us If You Can |
(4,5,4) |
1965 |
Now then, now then, now then pop pickers. (Join in the jollity Or we'll accuse you of having no sense of humour). When I was young and impressionable I had half a mind to become a disc jockey. Apparently that's all you need.
In the showbiz world I rate them a touch behind actors - and there's plenty of them, you're not fooling this old cynic with your protestations of talent and bi-sexuality you self-serving old chancers - and just before magicians. Why, Lord, why. There's definitely a rabbit off somewhere.
Incidentally I would just love to know if any clubs out there have a good match day announcer? Ours belongs to the DJ's self help group 'On and On Anon'. He suffers from acute petrified adolescence and a total inability to comprehend or cater for the desires and aspirations of the everyday fan. 'Just listening to ME on today's show again, darling'.
It seems quite ironic that London's ineffectual answer to the Mersey sound (circa 1964) was the selected band for the current pacesetters (Clue). The choice for Mr. Jol was no reflection on him, more his stuttering molar-free midfield.
Here for you quiz freaks are your ratings for correct answers.
0 to 5 - You're very young or an amoeba or both
6 to 10 - Maybe you're good at something else. Dot to dot mags, maybe...
11 to 15 - Time to update your music choices. Er. Now!!
16 to 20 - Yeah, Right. Who's zooming who?
If anybody did score over ten would they please ensure they join ComeOnBoro.com as the message board, the funniest in the land bar none, is always on the lookout for fans with some nous and a sense of the absurd. There was an old lady who swallowed a bird etc.
Oh. One last word to any aspiring DJ. Just play the bloody music. Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it and remove all doubt.
See ya, next week. Same time, same place. Turn on and tune in... AAARRGH!
Louis Spence
RETURN TO LOUIS SPENCE INDEX PAGE HERE
A GUARANTEED PROFIT OF AT LEAST £41.20 ON PORTSMOUTH v FULHAM
Did you know that it is possible to win money on Sunday afternoon's Premiership clash between Portsmouth v Fulham, whatever the result?
The game kicks off at 3.00pm and we can guarantee you a profit of at least £41.20, whatever the result of the match. All you have to do is follow the simple instructions below and then sit back and enjoy the game. At full-time, you will be at least £41.20 better off, whatever the result of the match.
We must point out that if you want to take this bet, you should do it now because if the odds change, then the figures here will be invalidated. If they have changed, let us know and we will rework the bet for you.
You can still do this if you have a Betfair account but your overall profit will be reduced by £25.00 as you won't receive the £25.00 cashback as an existing account holder.
If you are unsure about this bet, you are most welcome to call us on 01642 223229 and we will help you as much as we can.
We're going to lay out a total of £71.00 on the Portsmouth v Fulham match and we will collect £115.00 if Portsmouth win, £112.20 if Fulham win and £114.13 if it's a draw. That's a minimum profit of 58%, a much higher interest rate than you will get in any high street bank.
Here's how it's done. Just follow these simple instructions.
1. Open an account with Coral. It is really important that you enter the bonus code of CORALTD when prompted. This is to ensure that you receive your bonus.
Open an account with Betfair. It is really important that you enter the promotional code of BFB425 when prompted. This is to ensure that you receive your bonus.
Open an account with Extrabet
 .
This shouldn't take you any longer than a few minutes.
2. Make the following deposits into your new accounts.
Deposit £20.00 into your new Coral account.
Deposit £26.00 into your new Betfair account.
Deposit £25.00 into your Extrabet
account.
3. Now make the following bets.
Place £20.00 on Portsmouth at 3.00 (2/1) with Coral.
Coral will now add a £10.00 bonus to your account. Place this on Portsmouth as well. You will now have £30.00 riding on Portsmouth.
Back the draw with £25.00 at 3.7 (11/4) (or higher if available) with Betfair.
Place £26.00 on Fulham at 2.2 (6/5) with Extrabet .
Extrabet match your first bet up to £25 so you will now have £51.00 riding on Fulham.
The £25.00 matched bet will not show in your account but you can read all about how it works on the Extrabet site. It's the purple box that says '£25 FREE BET FOR NEW CUSTOMERS' on the top right hand side. Click here to visit the Extrabet site.
If you are unsure about placing these bets, please feel free to mail us or call us on 01642 223229 and we will talk you through it, no problem at all. There is no such thing as a stupid question.
You have temporarily laid out a total of £71.00 on the Portsmouth v Fulham match. I stress, temporarily... Now sit back, crack a beer open and enjoy the match.
4. Here's what happens at the end of the game.
If Portsmouth win, you collect £115.00. That's £90.00 from Coral plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If it's a draw, you collect £114.13. That's £89.13 from Betfair plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If Fulham win you collect £112.20. That's £87.20 from Extrabet plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
5. This means that the worst case scenario on the Portsmouth v Fulham match is Fulham win and you make £41.20 profit. However, if it is a draw you make £43.13 and if Portsmouth win you make £44.00. That's a minimum profit of 58%, a much better rate of interest that you would get at any high street bank or building society.
6. It is absolutely vital that you click on the links on this page to open the accounts with the two bookies and enter the correct bonus codes or you may not qualify for the bonuses.
Also, before you place your bets, you should check that the odds haven't changed. If they have, let us know by mail or phone us on 01642 223229 and we will rework the bet for you.
Please feel free to contact us or phone us on 01642 223229 if you have any questions at all about this bet and we will help you as much as we can.
Please note that the bonuses are valid for new customers only so if you already have an account with one or more of the bookies we are using, you won't be able to do this. If that is the case, mail us or phone us on 01642 223229 and we'll create an alternative bet for you using different bookies.
This method of betting was used very successfully during the 2006 World Cup and you can read all about how it was done right here.
We guarantee this bet
It's understandable that some people will not believe that it is possible to do this. "What's the catch?" I hear you asking. My answer to that question is that we have been publishing arbitrage bets for four seasons now and literally hundreds of people have profited from following the advice on these pages.
Only twice has our refund guarantee been triggered and that was when we did all the figures wrong and sent refunds out to those who had followed our advice and made a small loss.
Our refund guarantee works like this. If this bet doesn't work like we say it will and you end up out of pocket, we will refund your losses. Simple as that.
That means that you simply cannot lose on this, whatever happens and even if we messed up the numbers.
The only stipulation here is that you must click on the links on this page to be eligible for the refund guarantee, not that you'll be needing to claim anyway. Just enjoy the profit and stay posted for many more of these throughout the season.
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