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TALE OF THE
TAPE - LIVERPOOL v MIDDLESBROUGH 22-8-08
Toby Higgins
Really? Wow, did we get the Spurs line-up wrong
last week.
Four of the players we suggested would start, didn’t. Maybe
if Southgate had gone with Tale of the Tape’s line-up, things
might have been different.
Then again, there probably wouldn’t have been that much difference
because Boro are class. If Spurs are going to finish fourth,
that means Boro are going to finish third.
Up next, Merseyside Reds. Seconds out, round two…
LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE!
Pepe Reina v Brad Jones
Boro’s new number one looked all at sea at times during the
win over Spurs. He also looked more uncomfortable than Jesus
when it came to dealing with crosses. The jury are out and will
be for some time.
Pepe Benitez only goes under the name ‘Reina’ so as not to draw
attention to the fact that his dad is Liverpool manager, who
himself has tried to hide their facial similarities by borrowing
Max for Phoenix Nights’ goatee.
Benitez’s first born 7 – Jones 5
Alvaro Arbeloa v Justin Hoyte
Arbeloa is in my fantasy football team because he’s half a million
cheaper than Jamie Carragher. So if Boro have to lose this one,
I wouldn’t mind him bagging a goal or two on top of a clean
sheet.
Ripe from Boro’s latest harvest of Arsenal Reserves, Hoyte makes
his debut at right back. As well as pace, technique and stamina,
a key attribute of Hoyte’s is his giraffe-like neck.
Arbeloa 9 – Hoyte 7
Andrea Dossena v Andrew Taylor
Hard man Dossena has increased by one the number of unknown
players Liverpool have signed who are probably garbage. Anthony
Le Tallec, Bernard Dimobede and Antonio Nunez have all been
there, seen it, and for a total of six matches between them,
worn the T-shirt.
Some bloke on Saturday night told me his sister once dated Andrew
Taylor. She should never have let him go. He is one of football's
nice guys and in ahead of the dropped skipper at left back.
Dossena 3 – Taylor 8
Jamie Carragher v David Wheater
Dave Wheater’s opening goal on Saturday won me £50 – thank you
very much Ladbrokes for overpricing him so greatly.
Last time Carragher scored, God was a lad.
Carragher 6 – Wheater 7
Sami Hyypia v Robert Huth
For a man of 35, Hyypia’s hair is far too blonde.
Not to be outdone by his fellow centre back, Huth got himself
on the score sheet against Spurs. I’m not sure about Rober-Tuth
but he definitely robbed us of a clean sheet.
Hyypia 6 – Huth 7
Dirk Kuyt v Jeremie Alidalidiere
Last week, it was Jenas or Jeanas. This week, it’s Kite or Kowt.
We reckon it’s probably Kite because Kite rhymes with shite,
whereas Kowt rhymes with… well, nowt.
Aliadiere is faster than Usain Bolt in a Ferrari.
Kite 6 – Jez 7
Xavi Alonso v Momo Shawky
Alonso has had plenty of songs made up about him, including
chants to the tune of the 'The Zutons’ ‘Valery’ and the Beatles’
‘Ob La Di Ob La Da’.
Our favourite is sung to the beat of Run DMC and Aerosmith’s
“Walk This Way”:
"…Xavi Alonso from the half way, Xavi Alonso from the half
way liiine…"
Shawky is real after all and will have to keep very close to
the Spaniard, who just for the record, is shit loads better
than Gareth Barry.
Alonso 9 – Shawky 6
Steven Gerrard v Gary O’Neil
Gerrard and Gary O look a little bit like each other. Not a
lot, though.
O’Neil, a bit like Ray Parlour always was, is due a goal. He
is also currently second only to Tuncay in the ongoing battle
to see who can get the most white tape around their ankles on
a match day.
Gerrard 9 – GO’N 6
Ryan Babel v Stewy Downin'
I asked Rafa Benitez how he liked to relax after a match, what
he liked to do on his nights off and who he played on Liverpool’s
left wing. He answered, “Usually drink”, “Usually dance”, “Usually
Babel”. But since he’s not fully fit, Benayoun might play instead.
Downin’ is class.
Babel 7 – Downing 9
Fernando Torres v Afonso Alves
One is the hottest property in Europe, is wanted by all the
top teams, proved last season's doubters wrong and is hoping
to have a successful second season in England to fire his team
to domestic glory for the first time in years.
The other is Fernando Torres.
Torres 9 – Alves 9
Robbie Keane v Mido
Robbie Keane surprised absolutely nobody when he declared he
was a boyhood Liverpool fan the day after signing for the Reds.
Funny, he never mentioned it during his six years at Spurs…
Mido is looking worryingly thin since his summer weight loss
programme and will need to add a stone or two if he’s going
to prove the physical menace we all know he can be.
Liverpool’s number one fan 8 – Lightweight Mido 8
Turns out…
Merseyside Reds 78 – Teesside 78
Liverpool have started slowly this season and it could be an
ideal time to visit Anfield.
On the other hand, given Boro haven’t won at Anfield in about
a hundred years, is there ever a good time to go to Anfield?
Pool 2-2 Boro
BACK TO THE ROCKLIFFE
FILES AND TotT INDEX
CREDIT CRUNCH RELIEF - A GUARANTEED PROFIT OF AT LEAST £43.60 ON MANCHESTER CITY v ARSENAL
The Premier League returns to action this weekend and did you know that it is possible to win money on Saturday afternoon's clash between Manchester City and Arsenal, whatever the result?
The game kicks off at 3.00pm UK Time and we can guarantee you a profit of at least £43.60, whatever the result of the match. All you have to do is follow the simple instructions below and then sit back and enjoy the game. At full-time, you will be at least £43.60 better off, whatever the result of the match.
We must point out that if you want to take this bet, you should do it now because if the odds change, then the figures here will be invalidated. If they have changed, let us know and we will rework the bet for you.
You can still do this if you have a Betfair account but your overall profit will be reduced by £25.00 as you won't receive the £25.00 cashback as an existing account holder.
If you are unsure about this bet, you are most welcome to call us on 01642 223229 and we will help you as much as we can.
We're going to lay out a total of £111.00 on the Manchester City v Arsenal match and we will collect £154.60 if Arsenal win, £155.00 if Manchester City win and £156.86 if it is a draw. That's a minimum profit of 39%, a much higher interest rate than you will get in any high street bank.
Here's how it's done. Just follow these simple instructions.
1. Open an account with Sky Bet .
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Open an account with Extrabet .
This shouldn't take you any longer than a few minutes.
2. Make the following deposits into your new accounts.
Deposit £48.00 into your new Sky Bet
account.
Deposit £38.00 into your new Betfair account.
Deposit £25.00 into your Extrabet account.
3. Now make the following bets.
Place £48.00 on Arsenal at 6/5 with Sky Bet
.
Sky Bet will now add a £20.00 free bet to your account. Place this on Arsenal as well. You will now have £68.00 riding on Arsenal.
Back the draw with £38.00 at 3.6 (or higher if available) with Betfair.
Place £25.00 on Manchester City at 3.1 (21/10) with Extrabet .
Extrabet match your first bet up to £25 so you will now have £50.00 riding on Manchester City.
The £25.00 matched bet will not show in your account but you can read all about how it works on the Extrabet site. It's the purple box that says '£25 FREE BET FOR NEW CUSTOMERS' on the top right hand side. Click here to visit the Extrabet site.
If you are unsure about placing these bets, please feel free to mail us or call us on 01642 223229 and we will talk you through it, no problem at all. There is no such thing as a stupid question.
You have temporarily laid out a total of £111.00 on the Manchester City v Arsenal match. I stress, temporarily... Now sit back, crack a beer open and enjoy the match.
4. Here's what happens at the end of the game. All winnings are paid out on the ninety minute result.
If Arsenal win, you collect £154.60. That's £129.60 from Sky Bet plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If it's a draw, you collect £156.86. That's £131.86 from Betfair plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If Manchester City win you collect £155.00. That's £130.00 from Extrabet plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
5. This means that the worst case scenario on the Manchester City v Arsenal match is Arsenal win and you make £43.60 profit. However, if Manchester City win you make £44.00 and if it's a draw win you make £45.86. That's a minimum profit of 39%, a much better rate of interest that you would get at any high street bank or building society.
6. It is absolutely vital that you click on the links on this page to open the accounts with the three bookies and enter the correct bonus codes or you may not qualify for the bonuses.
Also, before you place your bets, you should check that the odds haven't changed. If they have, let us know by mail or phone us on 01642 223229 and we will rework the bet for you.
Please feel free to contact us or phone us on 01642 223229 if you have any questions at all about this bet and we will help you as much as we can.
Please note that the bonuses are valid for new customers only so if you already have an account with one or more of the bookies we are using, you won't be able to do this. If that is the case, mail us or phone us on 01642 223229 and we'll create an alternative bet for you using different bookies.
This method of betting was used very successfully during the 2006 World Cup and you can read all about how it was done right here.
We guarantee this bet
It's understandable that some people will not believe that it is possible to do this. "What's the catch?" I hear you asking. My answer to that question is that this is the fifth season that we have been publishing arbitrage bets and literally hundreds of people have profited from following the advice on these pages.
Only twice has our refund guarantee been triggered and that was when we did all the figures wrong and sent refunds out to those who had followed our advice and made a small loss.
Our refund guarantee works like this. If this bet doesn't work like we say it will and you end up out of pocket, we will refund your losses. Simple as that.
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The only stipulation here is that you must click on the links on this page to be eligible for the refund guarantee, not that you'll be needing to claim anyway. Just enjoy the profit and stay posted for many more of these throughout the season.
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