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THE STEVE
GOLDBY COLUMN - DANCING WITH TEARS IN MY EYES - 27-8-08
Steve Goldby
One down and one to go! The joyous news that Oliver
Hardy has quit his post as FA Chief Executive gave hope to
a possiblity of normality being restored in the English game
sooner rather than later. The Italian was Oliver's appointment
and his tenure may be shorter than expected once the new man
takes over. Fingers crossed.
A headline in the Wembley programme from the game against the
Czech Republic read "Three Lions back knife campaign” and Oliver
may well feel the full irony of that headline. He's lost his
position due to being defeated in an ongoing power struggle
with one Lord Triesman, a former Communist party activist turned
sitting House of Lords' member. However, the biggest irony
of that is that Oliver himself instigated the appointment of
Triesman as the FA's first independent chairman, making Oliver
the turkey who voted for Christmas.
I didn't watch the England game for reasons stated last week.
I watched my adopted nation Scotland labouring to a dull 0-0
draw against Northern Ireland but even that waste of ninety
minutes was preferable to a farcical England being booed off
whilst the cameras focused on the Chief Exec whose resignation
had bizarrely been announced at half-time. Anything to take
the attention away from the quality of the performance on the
field I suppose...
Hopefully Triesman is the man to put the pride back into Soho
Square but he has to start by installing an English manager
who has the bottle to show the 'superstars' the door and install
a brand new squad of players in the 19-22 age group who can
stick together for six years and have a crack at the 2014 World
Cup. It seems to me to be the only way because this so-called
'golden generation' are simply not going to do it. So get rid
and start from scratch.
I was highly amused to read earlier this week that Harry Redknapp
wants to be the manager of the proposed Great Britain 2012
Olympic football team. In a nutshell, if you see Seb Coe driving
around in a flash new BMW or Mercedes in the near future, get
your money on Harry to land the job.
Those who were at Anfield on Saturday will probably still be
feeling robbed. I most certainly am, although I have no complaints
about time added on or poor refereeing decisions. The bottom
line is that we were beaten fairly and squarely, although in
a manner that hurts like hell. But on the plus side, not many
teams will go to Anfield this season and come away saying they
outplayed Liverpool.
Saturday's performance bodes extremely well for the rest of
the season and we should be highly encouraged by the way Boro
are playing so far this campaign.
And last night's performance against Yeovil in the Carling
Cup enforces the belief. It wasn't the five superb goals that
made me think that we have come ever such a long way since
Cardiff City because at least two of those would never have
gone in had we been up against Premier League oposition. It
was the spirit and the effort that Boro demonstrated that makes
me feel better about this side than I have for a long time.
Now bring on Leeds United in the next round. That would be
the perfect tie with which to continue out Carling Cup crusade.
And talking of crusades, Jerusalem is one place that has always
fascinated me, probably because it is the epicentre of world
religion and throughout the years has been the centre of some
of the biggest events in world history. So I went there to
see the place for myself.
I'd been swimming/floating around in the Dead Sea just before
I made my entry to the 'Holy City' and to anyone heading off
that way, make damn sure you don't get any Dead Sea in your
eyes. I did and I thought my eyeballs were about to melt and
dribble down my face.
The Dead Sea is very surreal. It's the very lowest point on
earth and right on the Israeli/Jordanian border. It's akin
to floating around in a huge vat of vegetable oil and you're
wasting your time trying to swim as you will just get flipped
onto your back every time. It's a great experience though and
once there, you know you have arrived somewhere special.
But Jerusalem was the one place I was looking forward to the
most. Jerusalem - a city viciously fought over for over four
thousand years, former home to King David and King Solomon,
site of the world's largest mosque, scene of Richard The Lionheart's
crusades, Christ's crucifixion and Mohammed's ascension, razed
to the ground several times throughout the centuries and current
home to thousands upon thousands of religious maniacs and nutcases.
The Damascus Gate is the main entrance to the Old City and
once you enter, you are in the middle of the biggest Arab market
you are ever likely to experience. It has a distinct old feel
to it and I really did feel as though I had stepped back into
Biblical times.
Be prepared to be harrassed at every turn though, a scenario
not particularly uncommon in that part of the world. Only in
Jerusalem it won't necessarily be by beggars but more likely
by someone trying to provoke a religious discussion or find
out which religious persuasion you lean towards.
My standard stock response was "Heavy Metal is my religion" which
seemed to cause some consternation amongst the more fervent
but I had entered Jerusalem in a Fiat with a dodgy CD player,
which was slightly better than entering the City sat astride
an ass and being bombarded with palm leaves.
The eject button was faulty but I didn't find this out until
after I had tried to eject the first CD, Iron Maiden's Dance
of Death. So I listened to that particular opus all the way
from Tel Aviv to Armageddon, through Nazareth and Tiberius,
Palestine and the Dead Sea and into Jerusalem. It was not a
problem.
As I entered the City, a track called Montsegur started playing
on the CD which was highly apt and appropriate as it's a tale
of religious unrest, namely about the Catholic army that destroyed
the Cathars, a sect that broke away from Catholicism. They
fled to the top of a hill called Montségur, allegedly with
The Holy Grail, where they were beseiged until they surrendered.
They were all burned alive (about 250 men, women, and children)
on a giant pyre.
Walk through the Arab market and you will inevitably pass some
of the Via Dolorosa stations, the walk that Christ allegedly
took with his cross. They're so smart these days that they've
managed to work out the exact location where certain events
actually took place, for example each stumble and fall on the
way to Golgotha. And certain people take it as read that this
is the absolute truth, evidenced by the hoardes of pilgrims
falling in tears to the floor around the various stations.
Once I had witnessed these lost souls, I went to the Wailing
Wall and realised something very important. Religion is for
people who are scared of Hell. Spirituality is for those who
have already been there.
I was approached at the Wailing Wall by a Jewish gentleman
in the full regalia and he asked me where I was from?
"I'm from a place in England called Middlesbrough," I replied.
"Oh good - I'm from a place in England called Manchester." And he shook my hand,
placed a skull cap on my head and gave me a piece of paper and a pen to write
out my 'prayer' which I was then to place in the wall. And I wrote the following,
rolled it up and placed it in the wall...
"The ferryman wants his money you ain't gonna give it back
He can push his own boat as you set up off the track
Nothing you can contemplate will ever be the same
Every second is a new spark, sets the universe aflame
You watch the world exploding every single night
Dancing in the sun a new born in the light
Brothers and their fathers joining hands and make a chain
The shadow of the wicker man is rising up again
Your time will come..."
Very appropriate Iron Maiden lyrics I thought. Maybe my little
piece of paper will be found in a few hundred years and included
in some new version of the Bible?
After my first visit to Jerusalem, I retired to the Hard Rock
cafe in the main city where I drank beer and smoked joints
with some Americans I met. Some smart arse saw me and shouted
out; "Hey - Jesus has come back." (see hairstyle).
"I'm not Jesus mate", said I. "He only got stoned once..."
I'll tell you all about part two of Jerusalem next week and
how I narrowly escaped getting stoned for real on the Sabbath.
Until then, Up the Boro and Up the Irons.
Steve
THE STEVE GOLDBY
COLUMN INDEX
CREDIT CRUNCH RELIEF - A GUARANTEED PROFIT OF AT LEAST £43.60 ON MANCHESTER CITY v ARSENAL
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