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BOHEMIAN RIDSDALE
This little ditty, in honour of our old friend and hero, Peter Ridsdale is a little old now, but it is still a classic, nonetheless. Sing it out, as loud as you can, to the tune of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. But not in the presence of Leeds fans.
Peter finally worked out what the round thing was for
El Tel, just sold a man
Put a price tag on his head
Accepted an offer, now he's fled
El Tel, life had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
El Tel, ooo
Didn't mean to let them buy
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, the whole team's now in tatters
Too late, 'Risdale Out' signs have come
Try to sell the teams main spine
Fans are booing all the time
Goodbye everybody - I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind to face the shit
Mama, ooo
The fans want me to die
They sometimes wish I wasn't on the board at all
(guitar solo)
(Opera Section)
I see a little French-twat of a man
Hey Dacourt, Hey Dacourt will you just fuck off and go
Woodgate and Lee Bowyer - very very frightening me
Where is Rio?, Where is Rio?
Where is Rio?, Ferdinand
Where is Rio? Oh I let him go - Cos I'm a thicko
...and we will never sell him. Never
I'm just a rich boy, nobody loves me
He's just a rich boy from a thick family
Spare him his place from this shit PLC
Easy come easy go - why did I let Woodgate go?
El Tel said no! We will not let him go - let him go
El Tel said no! We will not let him go - let him go
El Tel said no! We will not let him go - let him go
Will not let him go - let him go
Never let him go - let him go
El Tel I let him go
No, no, no, no, no, no, no -
Oh Alan Smith, Alan Smith, Alan Smith he is so slow
Beelzebub couldn't fuck up a side worse than me
than me
than me
(Guitar riff)
So I promised you Fowler was the last guy
So I sold Woodgate to make that a lie
Oh Bakke - will we ever get rid of Bakke?
Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here
Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters - nothing really matters to me
My pocket's where the cash goes...
BACK TO FOOTBALL FUNNIES INDEX
CREDIT CRUNCH RELIEF - A GUARANTEED PROFIT OF AT LEAST £43.60 ON MANCHESTER CITY v ARSENAL
The Premier League returns to action this weekend and did you know that it is possible to win money on Saturday afternoon's clash between Manchester City and Arsenal, whatever the result?
The game kicks off at 3.00pm UK Time and we can guarantee you a profit of at least £43.60, whatever the result of the match. All you have to do is follow the simple instructions below and then sit back and enjoy the game. At full-time, you will be at least £43.60 better off, whatever the result of the match.
We must point out that if you want to take this bet, you should do it now because if the odds change, then the figures here will be invalidated. If they have changed, let us know and we will rework the bet for you.
You can still do this if you have a Betfair account but your overall profit will be reduced by £25.00 as you won't receive the £25.00 cashback as an existing account holder.
If you are unsure about this bet, you are most welcome to call us on 01642 223229 and we will help you as much as we can.
We're going to lay out a total of £111.00 on the Manchester City v Arsenal match and we will collect £154.60 if Arsenal win, £155.00 if Manchester City win and £156.86 if it is a draw. That's a minimum profit of 39%, a much higher interest rate than you will get in any high street bank.
Here's how it's done. Just follow these simple instructions.
1. Open an account with Sky Bet .
Open an account with Betfair. It is really important that you enter the promotional code of FTB125 when prompted. This is to ensure that you receive your bonus.
Open an account with Extrabet .
This shouldn't take you any longer than a few minutes.
2. Make the following deposits into your new accounts.
Deposit £48.00 into your new Sky Bet
account.
Deposit £38.00 into your new Betfair account.
Deposit £25.00 into your Extrabet account.
3. Now make the following bets.
Place £48.00 on Arsenal at 6/5 with Sky Bet
.
Sky Bet will now add a £20.00 free bet to your account. Place this on Arsenal as well. You will now have £68.00 riding on Arsenal.
Back the draw with £38.00 at 3.6 (or higher if available) with Betfair.
Place £25.00 on Manchester City at 3.1 (21/10) with Extrabet .
Extrabet match your first bet up to £25 so you will now have £50.00 riding on Manchester City.
The £25.00 matched bet will not show in your account but you can read all about how it works on the Extrabet site. It's the purple box that says '£25 FREE BET FOR NEW CUSTOMERS' on the top right hand side. Click here to visit the Extrabet site.
If you are unsure about placing these bets, please feel free to mail us or call us on 01642 223229 and we will talk you through it, no problem at all. There is no such thing as a stupid question.
You have temporarily laid out a total of £111.00 on the Manchester City v Arsenal match. I stress, temporarily... Now sit back, crack a beer open and enjoy the match.
4. Here's what happens at the end of the game. All winnings are paid out on the ninety minute result.
If Arsenal win, you collect £154.60. That's £129.60 from Sky Bet plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If it's a draw, you collect £156.86. That's £131.86 from Betfair plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If Manchester City win you collect £155.00. That's £130.00 from Extrabet plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
5. This means that the worst case scenario on the Manchester City v Arsenal match is Arsenal win and you make £43.60 profit. However, if Manchester City win you make £44.00 and if it's a draw win you make £45.86. That's a minimum profit of 39%, a much better rate of interest that you would get at any high street bank or building society.
6. It is absolutely vital that you click on the links on this page to open the accounts with the three bookies and enter the correct bonus codes or you may not qualify for the bonuses.
Also, before you place your bets, you should check that the odds haven't changed. If they have, let us know by mail or phone us on 01642 223229 and we will rework the bet for you.
Please feel free to contact us or phone us on 01642 223229 if you have any questions at all about this bet and we will help you as much as we can.
Please note that the bonuses are valid for new customers only so if you already have an account with one or more of the bookies we are using, you won't be able to do this. If that is the case, mail us or phone us on 01642 223229 and we'll create an alternative bet for you using different bookies.
This method of betting was used very successfully during the 2006 World Cup and you can read all about how it was done right here.
We guarantee this bet
It's understandable that some people will not believe that it is possible to do this. "What's the catch?" I hear you asking. My answer to that question is that this is the fifth season that we have been publishing arbitrage bets and literally hundreds of people have profited from following the advice on these pages.
Only twice has our refund guarantee been triggered and that was when we did all the figures wrong and sent refunds out to those who had followed our advice and made a small loss.
Our refund guarantee works like this. If this bet doesn't work like we say it will and you end up out of pocket, we will refund your losses. Simple as that.
That means that you simply cannot lose on this, whatever happens and even if we messed up the numbers.
The only stipulation here is that you must click on the links on this page to be eligible for the refund guarantee, not that you'll be needing to claim anyway. Just enjoy the profit and stay posted for many more of these throughout the season.
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