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SELF DEPRACATING HUMOUR - BORO JOKES
A very good friend of ours - Hi Deb! - who is a Leeds United fan, made the suggestion that we should open up this site for Boro jokes, seeing as we see fit to constantly rip the piss out of Geordies, Macks and Leeds fans. Right of reply and all that. So we decided that we would.
If you are an opposition fan and want to join in the banter, then please send them in. But be warned, we will be commenting on them...
These first three were sent in by the aforementioned Deb from Leeds
A Boro fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his best Boro shirt. Arriving at the top of the ethereal staircase, he knocks on the pearly gates - and out walks St Peter in an Leeds United FC scarf.
"I'm sorry mate," says St Pete, "No Boro fans allowed in Heaven".
"What?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Boro fans".
"But, but. I've been a good man!" replies the Boro supporter.
"Oh really", says St Peter, "What have you done then?"
"Well", said the guy, "A month before I died, I gave £10 to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh!" says Peter, "Anything else?"
"Well. Two weeks before I died I also gave £10 to the homeless".
"Hmmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah! On the way home yesterday, I gave £10 to the Albanian orphans".
"Okay", said St Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the Boss".
Ten minutes pass before St Peter returns, and looks the fan straight in the eye. "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me", he says, "Here's your £30 back - Now fuck off!"
ComeOnBoro.com Comment: First of all, if St Peter really does wear a Leeds scarf, don't you think that a bit of divine intervention would have occurred to rescue Leeds from their horrific plight this last couple of years? Also, God would surely have intervened to prevent the Boro's 3-0 slaughter of Leeds at Bellend Road in January this year...
Two boys are playing football in the park when one of them is attacked by a rottweiler. Thinking quickly, his friend rips a plank of wood from a nearby fence, forces it into the dog's collar and twists it, breaking the dog's neck.
All the while, a news reporter from the Yorkshire Evening Post who just happens to be taking a quiet stroll at the time views the horrific incident. He rushes over , introduces himself and takes out his notepad and pencil to start his story for the next edition. He writes 'Courageous LUFC fan saves friend from vicious animal'.
The boy interrupts: "But I'm not a Leeds fan."
So, the reporter starts again: 'Manchester United fan rescues friend from horrific attack'.
The boy interrupts again: "I'm not a United fan either."
"Who do you support then?"
"Boro", replies the boy.
So the reporter starts again...
'Teeny Teesside tosser murders family pet in vicious unprovoked attack!'
ComeOnBoro.com Comment: Having read the Yorkshire Evening Post, I can most certainly vouch for the fact that the fabrication of news material is common practice. Take for instance, all those "We are staying up" stories published earlier this year. Lies, I tell you. Lies.
Chubby once got banned from Boro Town Hall for making jokes about his own home town...
Three Leeds lads are enjoying a quiet night in the pub, when a Middlesbrough supporter stumbles in and asks for a pint. Spying the group, the drunk stumbles over, points at one of the youths and shouts,"I've shagged your mum!"
The lads decide it's best to ignore him and return to their pints, but the agitated inebriate shouts even louder, "Up the arse!!!" to the second youth.
Although much irritated by all this, the level-headed lads still try their best to ignore the foul-mouthed tosser. He doesn't take well to this kind of handling though, so this time he perches precariously on top of a bar stool, points a finger at one of the boys and yells, "Your Mum's sucked my cock!"
With that, the lads can take no more. Slowly they place their pints on the bar, stand up and turn to face the aggressive alchoholic. In unison they look the guy straight in the eye and answer, "You're drunk again Dad, fuck off home..."
ComeOnBoro.com Comment: Best of the lot this one! But how a Boro fan can father three Leeds fans is beyond me though. Probably all that booze that clouded his judgement.
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