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VILLA PARK FEB. 2001
Well hello and welcome to Jack's Flashbacks. Spring has certainly sprung here in Devon and I am all happy and keen to share my memories of sordid interludes at Boro matches with you.
So I am going to tell a tale of a very interesting encounter the Boro had with the Astons of Villa in 2001. Around this time I was doing my bit by serving my country with distinction and valour.
In other words I was a dirty bastard who liked a drink, scrap and Boro who just happened to join the armed forces because he ran out of ideas for a Job.
Speaking of Job, he is shite ain't he? Mind you Doriva managed at last to play half a decent against Bolton and about bloody time too.
Sorry, I went off at a tangent there. OK, so Villa away. I was on weekend leave so got to Boro early Friday and discovered a coach party of some of the more likely lads who support Boro going to Villa.
So not being one to miss a trick I joined them. But I had to watch my step as I couldn't afford any of the usual brushes with the old bill. Problem being these guys played hard if you follow and I am certain I was the only one not doing party lines at 7 o'clock in the morning. I stuck to my beer.
Trouble was I found that everyone got a bit lively rather early. Thus at the first service station the shop was ransacked. I don't think anybody paid for anything and the security guard got smacked as twenty odd Boro lads ran back to the coach with all kinds of stolen goods. Shocking I know.
But I got a nice pair of sunglasses which I still have to this day. But anyway this wasn't good news as I was sure the police would be onto us. But after a few more drinks I became more relaxed and started to enjoyed the coke fuelled banter that was rapidly becoming more and more obscene towards one another, never mnind the Villa fans.
We stopped just outside the city of Brum at a pub for some refreshments and a toilet break.
All very civilised, I hear you say but wait until I tell you about one of the guys, who for reasons best known to himself decided to have a shite in the car park in full public view!!!
No idea why he did this but he was cheered on wonderfully well on by his colleagues for the day. Thing was there was Bogs everywhere including the MacDonald's which is where I found myself pissed out of my brain trying to read the menu at 12.00 lunch time making a right fool of myself.
I had some scran and entertained the locals with my very loud drunken telephone argument conducted with my then girlfriend who wanted to know why I wasn't at her house at this very minute taking her shopping.
OK, so here the fun starts. my food and argument had caused me to miss the coach. I caught a glimpse of it driving off as I walked back to the pub car park.
I rang those I knew on the coach but they all seemed not to want to answer their mobiles. So starting to feel a little paranoid and panicky I didn't know what the hell to do.
I realised the best course of action was get to the ground, meet the lads there, see the game and get back on the coach.
So being pissed and with a funny accent, I found it hard to get exact directions to Villa park. I flagged a taxi and he drove me up to the ground at about two o'clock time.
Shortly after, my mate rang me and said they only just noticed I wasn't on the coach and where was I? I told him and he said don't worry they had been pulled over by the police and would meet me in the ground after the old bill had finished with them.
They never made it to the ground. The Police told them there was no way they were getting into the stadium in the state they were in so as Boro boys do, they went out on the piss in Brum. And I went to the match on my fucking own.
It was an OK game. We drew 1-1, Ugo scored and I was pissed still. But I made some new friends among the healthy Boro crowd.
My new friends, three lads and a lass, offered me a lift back to Teesside after I told them my situation about being on a coach full of raving nutters.
I accepted gladly as I wasn't sure where in hell the coach and it occupants could be.
As it turned out I did the right thing. As soon as that lot got into the city the main trouble started and most of 'em got nicked including the open-air shit fetish guy.
But for Jack, the day was not over quite yet. It soon transpired that the people I had a lift with were in fact two couples! Yep, man & bird and man & man.
One of the arse bandits whom I had been thinking was a very nice guy with a cheeky kind of smile, made a remark about liking a guy in uniform which I thought was a joke at first. Anyway he decided that as I was still a bit pissed, I might be tempted into going for a nightcap back at his and his blokes place in Yarm.
Funny that, cause the few gays in Teesside I do know all seem to live in Yarm as well.
As it turned out I did indeed go back but only with the other couple. There was no fucking way was I staying around. I just went to be polite and say thanks for the lift.
Needless to say by fault or design, I woke up Sunday morning on a leather sofa in just my boxers, with no sign of the married couple anywhere. I had a hangover from hell and it felt like the beer monkey had done a shit in my mouth.
Needless to say I didn't fucking hang around, I tell ya. No way was I having Sunday breakfast reading The Guardian over croissants and coffee with Elton and George.
Anyway, another eventful Flashback ends and I am relieved to tell you this time I am fucking glad I never got a shag!!!
Up the Boro
Jack!
BACK TO FLASHBACKS INDEX
A GUARANTEED PROFIT OF AT LEAST £45.00 ON AUSTRIA v SERBIA
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