|
 |
THE HAWTHORNS NOVEMBER 2002
Welcome back to Jack's Flashbacks. It's been a long time but I am here and believe me, I have lost none of the old magic at all.
So for once we have something to play for at the end of the season. We have a good record against Spurs at home and we always beat Manchester City, so young Jack is well horny at the thought of some more hot European action next year.
Anyway I went to the pictures the other night. I heard the "Ring Two" was playing. Well the robbing bastards fleeced me as there was no double penetration in that movie, so don't bother lads. Believe me, stay at home and watch the ten minutes free preview thing instead.
So where was I? Ah I was gonna tell you about me at a Boro match, so here goes. I think The Wizard of Smog asked me once if I have ever been to a game, had a quiet drink, watched the game and just went home afterwards?
Well I have and here is the proof. But what happened the night before was messy business.
Saturday November 30th 2002. You know what I did? I saw the worst game of football I have ever seen, West Brom v Boro. It was wank!
I was based down in Lympstone at the time. Its a marine base in Devon and the Friday night before the game it was some early Christmas party thing where all the service personnel on the base were invited.
I went along with a couple of marine mates, just to be sociable like. And bearing in mind that I had a train to catch from Exeter to Birmingham early the next day, I didn't really want to be smashed and end up fighting half the local population, which is the marine's usual way of doing things.
Anyway we met up with a few wrens (female ratings in the Royal navy) one of whom was going out with my mate. I had been teamed up with the best looker from the wrens group, so I was well happy with that result. I was soon into the crack and was in full swing, showing her exactly what a fucking silver tongued charmer I was.
But there was one slight problem. This girl had been drinking a lot before she came out, a bottle of vodka if I remember rightly, and by the time we got to this party she was pissed as a fart.
At the party there was all sorts of people there, including of course the 'top brass' and we were warned to behave ourselves in no uncertain terms.
But I was stuck with this bird who was very drunk and determined to make a Jack style exhibition of herself. And she started off with the grand occasion of us sitting down for dinner, missed the fucking chair and fell arse over tit taking all the drinks on the table with her, for fuck's sake.
So I had to pick her up and buy every fucker on our table a drink, costing me about £30, and try and sober her up somehow.
The sobering up thing failed and I decided to take the girl back to the base and leave her there and get my head down nice and early for the game tomorrow. That was my plan anyway but it failed, like a Stuart Downing cross failing to meet it's target.
On arrival at the camp gates she tripped and fell and smashed her head open on the curb! Being the gentleman that I am, I could hardly leave her lying there all bleeding and upset, let alone shag her in that condition. I am not fond of blood sports at the best of times, never mind when I have spent about £50 on a night out and only had three drinks to show for it for fuck's sake.
I had to take her to the sick bay and the looks I got off those nurses said it all. They thought I had got her drunk and smacked her one when she tried to stop my amorous advances, which couldn't have been further from the truth. I explained the situation and how it had all been an accident.
I may as well have been speaking Swahili as these fucking nosy bastard nurses decided to call the military police after not believing a word I had told them about what had happened.
Well as often happens I got nicked. But this time it was military police and these twats don't have a set of rules that they play by. They will stitch you up for fuck all, believe me. My only hope was that this girl had some recollection of falling over and me helping her get to sick bay but she was well hammered and there was little hope of that.
So after much questioning and threats to kick the shit out of me for being a low down dirty coward of a woman beater, I got locked up for the night. I probably didn't help my cause much by questioning the nice military policeman's mother's sexual history.
So guess what?
There had been a mass brawl in the local town and many young marines had been nicked. It was like a war zone in the cells with the MP's happy just to let the mad bastards fight each other. And I got locked up with a mackem! And he was absolutely fucking mental!
I mean he was trying to punch the wall down with his bare fists and he kept saying "Geordie cunt" over and over again, so I just kept my mouth shut instead of telling him we had a mutual hatred of Geordies that should keep us male bonded for a cosy evening in the cells together.
What a night of hell that was I tell you. The raving nutter wanted to kill someone and I had a game to go to the next day. I had my ticket on me and everything else, so I tried to hide my accent in case this maniac discovered I was a smoggy and started on me instead of the Geordie wall he kept talking to and punching.
It looked like an ordinary wall to me, so why he thought it was a Geordie, let alone a cunt still puzzles me to this day.
Anyway surprise fucking surprise. Next morning after no sleep and speaking like an Australian all night and ending up sounding like Marge off neighbours with a set of bollocks, I was released without charge. The nice chaps found the CCTV footage from outside the camp gates showing what I had told them in the first bloody place was correct.
I was free to go so I got changed, caught my train, had a few drinks, went to the game and came back home on the train.
The game was pure toss. We lost 1-0 and Danny Dicho scored. He was a wank player. Probably the worst player I have ever seen. It's a wonder that we never signed him, he was that bad.
Another great tale don't you think? Are you happy now Wiz?
Oh and by the way. About two weeks later I met that bird again. I will tell ya what happened next time, I promise.
See ya
Jack
Up the Boro.
BACK TO FLASHBACKS INDEX
A GUARANTEED PROFIT OF AT LEAST £40.00 ON NOTTINGHAM FOREST v READING
Here we go again - the season is about to begin! And did you know that it is possible to win money on Sunday afternoon's Championship clash between Nottingham Forest and Reading, whatever the result?
The game kicks off at 1.15pm and we can guarantee you a profit of at least £40.00, whatever the result of the match. All you have to do is follow the simple instructions below and then sit back and enjoy the game. At full-time, you will be at least £40.00 better off, whatever the result of the match.
We must point out that if you want to take this bet, you should do it now because if the odds change, then the figures here will be invalidated. If they have changed, let us know and we will rework the bet for you.
You can still do this if you have a Betfair account but your overall profit will be reduced by £25.00 as you won't receive the £25.00 cashback as an existing account holder.
If you are unsure about this bet, you are most welcome to call us on 01642 223229 and we will help you as much as we can.
We're going to lay out a total of £89.00 on the Nottingham Forest v Reading match and we will collect £131.26 if Nottingham Forest win, £130.84 if Reading win and £129.00 if it's a draw. That's a minimum profit of 45%, a much higher interest rate than you will get in any high street bank.
Here's how it's done. Just follow these simple instructions.
1. Open an account with Coral. It is really important that you enter the bonus code of CORALTD when prompted. This is to ensure that you receive your bonus.
Open an account with Betfair. It is really important that you enter the promotional code of BFB425 when prompted. This is to ensure that you receive your bonus.
Open an account with Extrabet
 .
This shouldn't take you any longer than a few minutes.
2. Make the following deposits into your new accounts.
Deposit £22.00 into your new Coral account.
Deposit £42.00 into your new Betfair account.
Deposit £25.00 into your Extrabet account.
3. Now make the following bets.
Place £22.00 on the draw at 3.25 (9/4) with Coral.
Coral will now add a £10.00 bonus to your account. Place this on the draw as well. You will now have £32.00 riding on the draw.
Back Reading with £42.00 at 2.6 (or higher if available) with Betfair.
Place £25.00 on Nottingham Forest at 2.68 (13/8) with Extrabet .
Extrabet match your first bet up to £25 so you will now have £50.00 riding on Nottingham Forest.
The £25.00 matched bet will not show in your account but you can read all about how it works on the Extrabet site. It's the purple box that says '£25 FREE BET FOR NEW CUSTOMERS' on the top right hand side. Click here to visit the Extrabet site.
If you are unsure about placing these bets, please feel free to mail us or call us on 01642 223229 and we will talk you through it, no problem at all. There is no such thing as a stupid question.
You have temporarily laid out a total of £89.00 on the Nottingham Forest v Reading match. I stress, temporarily... Now sit back, crack a beer open and enjoy the match.
4. Here's what happens at the end of the game. All winnings are paid out on the ninety minute result.
If it's a draw, you collect £129.00. That's £104.00 from Coral plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If Reading win, you collect £130.84. That's £105.84 from Betfair plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
If Nottingham Forest win you collect £131.26. That's £106.26 from Extrabet plus a £25.00 cashback from Betfair.
5. This means that the worst case scenario on the Nottingham Forest v Reading match is it is a draw and you make £40.00 profit. However, if Reading win you make £41.84 and if Nottingham Forest win you make £42.26. That's a minimum profit of 45%, a much better rate of interest that you would get at any high street bank or building society.
6. It is absolutely vital that you click on the links on this page to open the accounts with the two bookies and enter the correct bonus codes or you may not qualify for the bonuses.
Also, before you place your bets, you should check that the odds haven't changed. If they have, let us know by mail or phone us on 01642 223229 and we will rework the bet for you.
Please feel free to contact us or phone us on 01642 223229 if you have any questions at all about this bet and we will help you as much as we can.
Please note that the bonuses are valid for new customers only so if you already have an account with one or more of the bookies we are using, you won't be able to do this. If that is the case, mail us or phone us on 01642 223229 and we'll create an alternative bet for you using different bookies.
This method of betting was used very successfully during the 2006 World Cup and you can read all about how it was done right here.
We guarantee this bet
It's understandable that some people will not believe that it is possible to do this. "What's the catch?" I hear you asking. My answer to that question is that we have been publishing arbitrage bets for four seasons now and literally hundreds of people have profited from following the advice on these pages.
Only twice has our refund guarantee been triggered and that was when we did all the figures wrong and sent refunds out to those who had followed our advice and made a small loss.
Our refund guarantee works like this. If this bet doesn't work like we say it will and you end up out of pocket, we will refund your losses. Simple as that.
That means that you simply cannot lose on this, whatever happens and even if we messed up the numbers.
The only stipulation here is that you must click on the links on this page to be eligible for the refund guarantee, not that you'll be needing to claim anyway. Just enjoy the profit and stay posted for many more of these throughout the season.
|
|
|
|
